The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Intrigue and secrecy was and still is huge trigger for me. Today my former roommare sent me an intruguing text message. I am supposed to ask him what it means. However now I am at a stage where I am totally indifferent.
I can own that hook now
I still have to deal with him on some level but not being #intrigued# is a blessing
When my ex qualifier texted be recently he was also exoecting me to be intrigued
I was not. I do not need to know what comes next in his life. I am simoly not interesrmted because the cost of relating to him is too high
I.am.trying to apply that principle to.my neighbors. My neighbors are full of gossip and intrugue. Sorting out what is real and what isn't is too tedious. I now avoid them. I do not have anything to add
I never thought I would be at this place of letting go. There is stuff I have to let go of everyday. If I cannot let go I have to make changes. I never wanted to #let go# I wanted to nurse those resentments. Where did that get me? Stuck around my qualifiers. Who needs that? I certainly didnt but intriguing by the qualifier and others was huge trigger. So was nursing my resentments for years
Maresie
Hmmmmm...well, OK, yes, way back when, before I found recovery...yes, secrecy was always a huge trigger for me. So was lying and dishonesty. Intrigue is something very different for me, and as far as I am concerned. I have an ex who texts me every so often, yes, creating "intirgue" and "curiousity" (at least she thinks so, LOL), and the sole purpose in my mind is that SHE WANTS TO ENGAGE. She wants to get back into the back and forth between me and her. However, I am healthy today. I made a decision to NOT BE into the back and forth with her. I CHOSE NOT TO. I DECIDED NOT TO. Because that's what was best and healthy for me. For me, it's very simple, either YOU decide you are in it or YOU decide you are NOT IN IT. For me, I would tell everyone I WOULD RATHER NOT and I DON'T WANT TO BE in it -- but I would come up with excuse after excuse why I HAD TO BE in it so to speak. Here's what that is -- that is my sickness, my being unhealthy, and DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL. Plain and simple.
I got the "intrigue" text message on Friday. I chose not to respond. I'll get another one accusing me of not caring. I am OK with that. What an unhealthy person thinks of me is not my concern. It does not impact my life. She wants me to ask her what it means, what's going on, she wants the back and forth to start again...so that we can get together and next thing you know, we are back involved. NO, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. BECAUSE I CHOSE NOT TO.
Now, instead of excuses, or rationalization, or justification, as to why I have to be involved with her...I CAN CREATE and CONTROL my own life and healthiness...and I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW NOT TO BE INVOLVED. Period. I used to want to stay in it -- but said I didn't. But deep down inside I wanted to. Why? Just look, I kept doing it over and over and over again. If I really didn't want to...I WOULD FIGURE OUT HOW NOT TO! We rationalize, justify, vacillate, and so on -- and that is another form of DENIAL. That is part of the sickness that we have.
Today, I live a life of recovery. I don't want to be on that merry-go-round...and I really mean it...and no matter what...I don't get onto that merry-go-round...no matter what. Period. I made that decision, openly, honestly, and clearly. I had clarity. I meant it. My health and well-being is dependent on me honoring that decision and standing by it. It is what I need to do to be happy and healthy...so, no matter what...I do it. Period.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Oh yeah I expect to get another text.
I have bern round the block on this so many times.
Now I am in the mindset of does it go with my current goals. If it doesnt I try to let go.
My triggers really used to rule my life. There is no.doubt certain oeople opt to trigger me on purpose.
I have to look at why would I engage with someone who chooses to do that. Mosr certainly the qualifier went out of his way to trigger me. He got somethjng out of it.
There are certain people who I will not engage with under any terms. I have to remind myself what relating to them cost
Intrugue for me means I am more invested in others than I am in myself
