The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Happy Thursday MIP! Sorry for the later than usual post - I took off to golf thinking it was Wednesday...all my days are so similar - ha!
Today's reading suggests that Al-Anon helps many of us to identify and change self-destructive behavior. The author mentions procrastination which caused her a great deal of needless anxiety. In recovery, a change has been made to the pattern!
As we learn how to focus on self, we pay attention to our own thoughts and feelings. When anxious, we pause now and consider the source. While old habits are hard to break, it is possible with an open mind and effort. Change does not matter overnight no matter the LOE (Level of Effort) yet comes to those who become willing to let go of old patterns/habits.
Reminder: If I am getting in the way of my own best interests, a closer look at my behavior can lead to positive change. By focusing on myself, I move toward freedom and serenity today.
Quote from Liberian proverb: "Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped."
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When I arrived, I had one primary reaction - anger. It took willingness and incredible conscious effort for me to look beyond anger and see what was real within. When I was sad, it surfaced as anger. When I was disappointed, it surfaced as anger. When I was confused, tired, etc. it surfaced as anger. The reactions, behaviors and choices I made in these various states were unhealthy often and harmful to myself and others. I had no idea that I had a hula-hoop to be in, let alone stay there. I had no idea how to have boundaries or respect others' boundaries. I could go on and on - but you get the point....for me to literally be free from the bondage of self, major changes in many areas was absolutely necessary!
Many of my habits and patterns of before that I consider unhealthy worked right up until they didn't. Change for me was slow, crooked and, at times, painful....yet worth it. I no longer have extreme anxiety when others are active in this disease. I have healthy concern, some level of fear yet I've gained the trust in a higher power to oversee each journey around me. I don't have to pause my journey, remove obstacles, encourage/scoot another along - I can choose to just keep my focus on me and my joy + serenity.
Al-Anon and those who came before have changed my life for the better and I'm grateful. Enjoy your day MIP family! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH for your service and great share. I know self-destructive behavior all too well, but most of it has dwindled away thanks to program and my sponsor. What I do still struggle with is anger and resentment for my A, who has started recovery several times, made progress, and then just stopped. My anger and resentment serve no purpose whatsoever, and it not only hurts my A but myself as well. It's like I'm on a slow boil instead of being at peace, and I live in a state of detachment the half week I'm with my A. I'm not an overtly hurtful person, but I am hurting both of us nonetheless. When I talk to HP every morning, I ask him to please remove my character defects, anger and resentment being in that category. Lyne
Thank you Iamhere for your service, and Lyne for your insightful share.
I know what you mean about time... everyday seems the same to me, my work is the only thing that keeps me cognisant of what day of the week it is!!
I have learned through my growth in this program that I tend to look at life through rose-colored spectacles, while also holding onto a huge heaping dose of distrust. So denial is big for me. If things are hurtful to me, my coping mechanism has been to compartmentalize it... shove it in a "mind-box" and forget about it. However, your body/mind/soul (whatever the name) does not actually forget... this pain will manifest in other ways. It took me a long time to figure this out!
Today, I accept that I can never be perfect at avoiding this behavior... for some reason, this is what I developed from my childhood, and honed to razor-edged sharpness as an adult. Al-Anon helps keep my centered... balanced.
Do I teeter? Of course. But now my balance gets restored much more quickly... no more days and days of angst and self-flagellation!! WIN! WIN!
Always Progress, not Perfection!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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