The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
for a few days that is as another portion of my life changes and most likely looks like an end. I find out that a possible solution to one of my wife's fears is that we plan and I pack up to go back home to Hawaii. I have to be a different person doing "it" her way or else. Not feeling anything for the moment because I won't allow myself to think of being different because someone else wants it. She said this morning that she prayed and then came up with the thoughts of me leaving. I also have been praying and don't come up with that solution.
This is the disease as I have known it so I will continue to work at the recovery of it now. There are things I am responsible for mine and ours so I am not going to react...looking to respond instead. (((hugs)))
And then I stop typing here and go to the front door and she is coming in from seeing the doctors visit and he body language is different and I know why...reaction from talking to a higher power doctor. She is relaxed and carrying the news from the visit including more direction for the future and no sign of fear or I am at fault and the sole solution.
I thought of my sponsor (deceased DonT and what I had first typed here by reaction and heard his lead..."When in doubt DONT"....AND Don't React Respond" I am still going to go quiet for a while because I can hear other valuable voices over my own. Thanks.
I sit here with the memory of my own parents who had begun fighting after more than 50 years of marriage. Mom began calling to say she did not think she could live like this anymore, Dad was becoming more controlling than ever, with dramatic shifts in his thinking and reasoning. Soon enough, a neurological assessment revealed Dad had early stages of dementia.
I offer that since I do not recall marriage problems in your shares so it comes as a bit of a shock. Nor do I know her age so I hope this does not offend.
Your ability to detach is remarkable, and I do hope you enjoy the peace of your quietude. It works the same for me, especially when "relationship" becomes threatened, only ONE relationship needs my focus and attention by deep meditation - back under Higher Power's wing. In that space, perspective changes, it all becomes so small and irrelevant, a complete delusion compared to this Everything.
You will be in my prayers tonight. You have a clear head and it is prevailing among the turmoil.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I am sorry to hear of this development
I know for me now that COVID 19 is part of the landscape I have to change my life. I can only absorb so much stress
This year my life tanked because of the stress. I have to take daily action to make sure that I do not go down that path again.
I am glad you are keeping us updated
Maresie
Blessings dear brother....my parents 'story' is similar to what 2HP describes and my reasonably sweet, meticulous, detail-oriented, funny mother was becoming 'her mother'. She's got a variety of health issues yet it was the dementia diagnosis that explained so, so much.
I too love the courage you have to trust your program, HP and tools. Sending tons of (((hugs))), love, light and positive vibes your way! All that you are, all that you've been and all that has transpired in your life, love, program, recovery, etc. has prepared you for this moment - stay humble, open and willing to what's revealed.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
{{{Jerry}}} I'm not sure I understand exactly what is happening. You are separating? Whatever it is, you sound strong, stable, and practicing the tools of our program. I live half time apart from my A so I can survive. I have a condo around the block from my son, and an hour away from my A. With the kids I am happy, calm, and at peace most of the time. Back at the marital home, I must stay detached and practice all my program tools daily. I wish you Serenity and hope you will stay in touch. Prayers and hugs, Lyne
