When the pandemic hit in March. I was laid off. Despite being ill I ran out and interviewed for work. This was before the stimulus oayment was introduced. I managed to get the job I have now I went back there when I came off disabilty. I am still owed unemoloyment. Relying on the emoloyment develipment deoartment is a precarious business at this time. Even gettimg the oayment us nothjng short of a miracle. While I was relocated I had to pay two rents. One to my current aoartment and one to the now ex roommate for his house which is on the cusp of being condemned. My landlord eventully reimbursed ne an alliwance for being relocated. My exoenses were far more than I budgeted fior. I had to work mire fur a lot kess far far kess. . I worked all through those 4 long months fearful of getting behind. I somehow got uo every day and went to work. I do not kniw how I did it. The now ex roommmare made a lot of noise when I was home. He had the TV blaring full volume. He had extremely loud hours long conversations on the phone. He took up.every square inch of the house, every inch of the refridgerator, ecery inch of the stove. He did niot guve ne one square unch of space. It was like he was squashung the life out of me. Before I had moved out he started putting stuff in the room.i rented. I had eveything boxed uo. The stuff blocked my path out that was far more than a metaphor. Throughout all this I worked two jobs. Some weeks I worked 70 something hours a week. I worhed 6/7 days a week most weeks. Why have a day off to go hime to.a place where I am being emotionally siffo0cated? Talk about being made unwelcome. Every inch of my bejng wanted to move out of that uninhabitable house. I wanted to go to stay in a hotel. I kept countung the days 6 weeks. 6 weeks cane still no aoartmrnt. Meantime the now ex roommate is hone 24/ 7. He rarey goes out. He needs to take up.every inch of the oxygen in the place and he nught lose sonethimg if he goes out There is not a moment to relax or rest He has to blare the teleleohone calls on full speaker. . He talks like he is is in a stadium.. Boom boom boom. He is home fir minths drinking day and night. He says he fears getting the virus. . With the.money I give him.for rent he buys i.phones printers. Every day Amaxon comes wuth huge packages. I.find out he has not been payjng the morgage desoite the rent money he gets from me. What a great way to live under threat of fore closure. Let me sign uo for thst ounishment too. I keeo working, savimg, working, saving with almost no rest. I wake up.more tired than when I went to bed. I feek absolutely exhausted to the point of not behing abke to put one foot in front of another. Do I relate to the fear of financial insecurity. Absolutely. I left the qualifier with absolutely nothing. . By the time I left him I had a zero account. I flew by.the seat of my pants for years bareky scrimong uo money. I worhed where ever to bring money in AmUsement psrks, stores stocking shekves, libraries stocking books and I opey begged fiur mure hours. Begged openly. i lived on fear bare gnawing fear and I lived on nithung. A neughbir who worked in a hotel kitchen brought me food. I fed the digs that food. I coukd affird nithing else. They dinef on wedfing buffet left overs. Currently I have work. I know if I leave this job I will have another the same day. I can work somewhere far less stressful. In the past when I was overwhelmed I would simoly quit. Now I give notice. I try to ieave on good terms rather than funes When I left the qualifier my credit was decimated. He stole our vehicle. I barely survived. Then I had to take on the expense of all our oets. He simoly abandoned them. I took them in. I have tremendius fesr of economic insecurity. I know how impossible it is with no credit. I still want to work 80 hours a week to absolutely make sure of my circumstances. Now that I know this pandemic is not going anywhere it is time for a new strategy. Time to re organize. Time to get out of fearful mode into a more evolved strategy.. Tine for a bit more than survival. Everyday I am in my own soace I reluish it. I luxuriate in the quiet I love resting and relaxing. There is not one minute I am not grateful I soend hours makimg my home look nice. After living in a place that was barely a hovel, it is imoortant to be clean and comfortable. I am working now on being in a better place. If I can barely survive I can thrive too. I look forward to better times. The rest of this year will be recovering from the events of the beginning of the year. I need to recuperate. Recoverimg is essential because ny life has been unmanageable Maresie