Dragonfly - so, so sorry to hear about the disruptions to your day. I can relate to the 'hiding' in the BR in the hopes of getting a break from the insanity. I can also relate to feeling embarrassed by the witnessed outbursts of my A(s). It's not a good feeling or a good place to be! I also was blessed to have a sponsor who was able to help me look at what was real, what was not, what I did/did not do, what worked, what might work next time, etc. There's no perfect way to deal with active alcoholism. I do know that when I felt suffocated, I would take a break. I would go to a meeting, to the store, to the bathroom, to the laundry room, take a walk, etc. - I was willing to physically remove myself if necessary to try and break the patterns in my own thinking and/or in the patterns of the dance inside the home.

My sponsor suggested I make a list of what I could do instead of just 'be here'. I started with the list and added to it and discovered that I could make a choice, with no advance notice, to go for a walk. And I did. I slowly, kindly, quietly, took back my power that the disease had taken from me. Little by little, hour by hour, minute by minute, one day at a time.

Breathe and rest and consider one/two small things you can do just for you tomorrow and do them! Keep coming back! (((Hugs)))

My qualifier was particularly disruptive to my work schedule. I recently had to stay with someone who was also particularly disruptive to my work schedule. I got to the point of totak exhaustion. I can definitely relate. This is an incredibky disruptive pattern There is only so much stress one person can take. If working at home is too disruptive maybe you have to find a way to to work. After all you need your income I really caution you on the build up.of stress. My stress level has been completely maxed out for months. I ended up sick. I did not aporeciate that I was at a critical level. There is no #hang in there# in this resoect. Hanging in gives you the same result. There is something has to give. You have to get rest. You have to be able to work. I also know full well that talking to your A will not make any changes. You do not need constant unremitting conflict and dread of what is coming next The build up of stress for me was catastrophic. I had to have people tell me to de escalate. I value their opinion. I know they have a life I admire so I am willing to take their suggstions. De escalate as best you can but view it as critical. One can only live so long with that level of stress I have been through an absolute nightmare this past 6 months. One catastrophe after another. Covid 19 issues multiply that by a huge factor. I knew I was going to have problems. I didnt know it would be one thing after another of chronic unremittimg stress on top of stress. That level of stress requires emergency measures. I have to implement them I have had to.make radical changes. Really radical and some of then have involved not speaking to certain people. The level of frustration one person can deal with is non negotiable at some point. That is akin to emergency surgery. Please take advantage of this program and lean in on it hard. You need support encouragement but most of all empathy. Empathy and help with brain storming how you can reduce the critical level of stress you are under at this time. Brain storming can help you reduce that level and i hope you find it soon. Your situation is dire and requires an intensive response. Maresie

Dragonfly04, thank you for your honest post. I am going through the same thing with my husband, he does not use alcohol but he is consuming prescription medication + smoking marijuana+ i do not really what else.... but if he has smoked he is the nicer guy in the world, then he gets all up set, and blame stuff on me...I have to be quiet, I can not even talk in the phone or watch tv, because everything bother him... to live with a person like that can destroy. I am also living one day at the time.. hopefully i can take my live back.