Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

OhLuvya · Member

I'm crazy

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP OhLuvya - glad that you found us and glad that you shared....so very, very sorry for the affects this disease is bringing to your life - please know that you're not alone. Most of us arrived @ Al-Anon for very similar reasons - sick and tired of being sick and tired (crazy).

I hope you are able to keep coming back. I am guessing some exposure to Al-Anon as you mention self-care. Please recall the three C(s) - You did not Cause this, you can't Cure this and you can't Control this. There is hope and help in recovery!

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to this place that certainly saved my sanity. This oast year my self care went out the window. Guess what you can start back uo again and get it right again I was at a place of total exhaustion. I had to take time out to recuperate. Recuperating is possible. Al anon has many tools that can helo. What really helps is to have a place where you can be honest. No one is going to should you hear. No one is going to judge you either. You do not get a grade on recovery.. I am glad you reached out and asked for support you will find it here in large quantities. This is a warm safe place where you can heal.

OhLuvya · Member

I am just now reaching out for help. We started seeing a marriage counselor and as if the stars aligned just for me, she happens to be a drug and alcohol counselor too. When I tell you this woman can see my soul I'm not even kidding. It's like she has seen this all before. Lol. She pointed to the path and I went running towards it. I haven't had much luck finding a meeting near me but I'm not giving up. And even though I would prefer an in person meeting I thought I would give the forum a shot. I used to read ALL THE TIME and I would love to get back to that. If anybody has any suggestions on a book that helps it would be greatly appreciated.

Freetime · ~*Service Worker*~

OhLuvya, welcome, and I understand how you are feeling. By the time I got to my first Al-Anon meeting, I felt that I was hanging onto sanity by the tiniest thread that might snap at any moment. I am so glad you found a good counselor who understands this situation. And glad you found us here -- this is a great group, and someone will usually respond quickly. We have all seen this before in our own lives, and we understand.

There are so many books that helped me, it's difficult to know where to start, but for Al-Anon I like "How Al-Anon Works." Or if you prefer short daily readings, like a page a day, "Courage to Change" is a good one. These are both published by Al-Anon.

I'm getting a lot out of the online meetings that are taking place now until our physical meeting places can open up again. Check out https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/ or just Google your city or state plus Al-Anon, and the local website should have information on how to access the online meetings. You can now connect with a meeting almost anywhere in the country. Recently at my local meetings there have been people calling in from other states and countries -- it is amazing. We truly are not alone.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

OhLuvya - I stay focused on CAL - Conference Approved Literature - simply because it speaks to me and aligns well with my life, marriage, experience, etc. If you go to the official Al-Anon website, there's a whole section for literature. I really, really like the daily readers, simply because it's a simple thing I can do just for me that gives me something to consider and reminds me of focusing on just One Day at a Time. I also really like that they have back section indexes by topic - so if I am feeling angry, fearful, etc. I can find daily pages that might give me some comfort.

In Al-Anon, there are global, national, state, regional, and local resources. Even if you're in a small town, there should be a local 'presence'. It may be just a phone list or it could be a database of meetings. With the pandemic, most meetings here are still paused, but we are doing Zoom meetings. I'm more comfortable attending my local Zoom meetings but others here have expanded and attend any Zoom Al-Anon meeting. The Al-Anon website has tons of information on those as well. I made mention of trying to find the 'local' resources simply because if you place a call, someone will answer or return a message. Al-Anon recovery works because everyone is willing to be of service and help other members, esp. newer ones. So, even if you can't get to face to face (F2F) meetings now, it might be easier to go if you've spoken to local member(s).

I do agree that the stars aligned for you! We tried some counseling and it was even crazier than our home. We did have more success when the counselor's specialty included substance abuse, it still was 'iffy' at best because we all had our own agendas. It took us a while to find one that we all could 'like' and you have been blessed right out of the gate.

Lastly, I assume you've got a computer, since you're here! I really enjoy listening to other Al-Anon speakers on You-Tube and similar. I was raised in recovery that we share What It Was Like, What's Happened, and What It's Like Now. When I listen to speakers share their ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope), I do find comfort in knowing I'm not alone in the way the disease affected me, and I find hope in where they are today. It has been my experience that the best of friends and well-meaning family members just could not relate to my experience which made me feel so alone, before Al-Anon. Folks in recovery really do understand and really do offer their experience in the hopes of helping another (vs. advice).

I'm really glad that you found us and that you came back! We are a world-wide group so others may respond at any point - different days, time zones, etc. Just keep coming back - vent if needed, ask questions, share what's up, etc. There's no wrong way to work recovery and we really focus on progress vs. perfection. If you have an interest in understanding the steps, you can look to the top right for our step work board. Our friend in recovery, HotRod (Betty) was gracious in managing that area so I'm not certain how up to date it is, but it will give you more to just think about as you begin your journey.

Keep coming back and know you're not alone!

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

One book.we used to talk about a lot here is Getting them Sober. The author us bv really helpful about issues like detachment. When I firsr got here detachment was very tricky for me. I got better at it. I still need to practice all the time. The more I am in difficult situations the more I have to work on detaching. I kniw these days one thing I am sure if that I cannot have too much on my plate. Covid 19 has been oarticularly timultuous. On top.of that there has been civil unrest Then on top of that I had major health issues and had to move out of my apartment. While there was no Covid 19 before. I dealt with major health issues, then there was a recession. I dealt with all that in top of all the problems the qualifier bought to the table. They were never ending. In the soace of 6 months I had two life threatening illnesses. There are was no #this is enough# for me then. I believe now I invited chaos in my life I also believe I did not look at the red flags. I did not have a sense of self preservation then. Al anon has given me that That being said my life is still a roller coaster. This past 6 months has been oarticularly tumultuous. I am about to go back to theraoy. I believe that will helo a great deal. Good luck on your journey. Mine has been interesting. I am glad every day to be at a place where I have some recovery. Maresie

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome OLuv!

There is healing here. Wise and kind words here. Most of all, you will find people who understand!
I think it is especially good for you that your therapist is trained in addiction issues. I spent 11 years in marriage counseling before anything was ever revealed regarding my spouse's addiction (not in session btw). So much time and money wasted.

Your share really struck a chord with me... sometimes I still have nightmares of me running around, every poker in the fire, juggling plates etc., and still disastrous results!! I wake from those dreams breathing heavy and my heart pounding!! Through this program I have learned better, healthier ways of dealing. Three years in March since I came back to this site... I can now say with confidence that I am healing.

I wish for you, a peaceful weekend!
&

JerryF · ~*Service Worker*~

The last post about the roller coaster may be additional support for you Livia. Craziness is normal for alcoholism and drug addiction, so you are in the right place with the right people.

We have been where you are at now and for us who have stayed and learned and presently practice this program we now know what it use to be like and is not much anymore.

I learned for me that to be able to say I'm crazy and then use it in a manner to get and be sane was miraculous and real.

Stick around...listen and learn and then practice, practice, practice and regain your sanity. ((((hugs)))) confuse aww

Bo · ~*Service Worker*~

Excellent points and perspective Jerry. Thank you!

"Stick around...listen and learn and then practice, practice, practice and regain your sanity." -- I love it. I used to say Keep coming back, and then keep coming back more, and again. Listen, learn, keep listening, keep learning, try, keep trying, and change. Make change.

Thanks again Jerry.

dragonfly04 · Member

I know exactly how you feel I have been going through the same. Never knowing what will set him off. I loved reading all the responses.

OhLuvya · Member

The responses are amazing!! I can't wait to be able to go to a F2F but being able to go back and reread all this is priceless.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene