The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm posting for tomorrow tonight as I'm out the door early to golf! Tomorrow's reading is about Step 9, especially the part that suggests we don't need to make direct amends to those injured if in doing so we might cause further injury. The author struggled with this part of the stop - wondering how to know whether or not to take action.
Through an uncertain exchange with her mother that ended way better than planned, the author came to understand that her Higher Power would lead her accordingly. Once the 8th step was complete, she came to believe the opportunities will arise as readiness is reached in each scenario.
Reminder: My Higher Power does not put any challenges before me that I am unable to face. The comfort I find in that knowledge can overcome my fears.
Quote from John Burroughs: "The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are."
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As with many things in life, I certainly tried to complicate this step. Being one who's very analytical, I looked at my list and instead of just going along and making amends (some were more obvious and easier), I had to sit with my list and determine if my actions would cause more pain to me or them!!! Again, I can turn an anthill into a moutain-top with my magic, magnifying, mystical mind!
It was helpful for me to have a very smart yet very gentle sponsor nudge me along when I'd overly complicate things. We went through the list and I began as suggested with those I was able to do more easily. As I went through the list and the process, I felt my load lighten a bit with each amends. The harder ones were more troubling for me simply because I feared the response. I also did not have confidence that I could accept the response without some JADE action, so had to do some spiritual preparations each time. My sponsor did suggest and I agreed that if I had any doubts, I could hold off. That gave me comfort.
I can say that there were some I did not know how, when, etc. simply because of age/stage/location. For me, this is where I really began to accept, appreciate and embrace how the God of my understanding moves me forward where I need to be/go. When I get out of my own way/mind, it's amazing what life has in store for me!
So, with many things in recovery, I did apply, "When in Doubt, Don't". It and a sponsor served me well to set aside my fears and move along with this step. Cleaning up my side of the street set me free and prepared me to embrace a different way of living.
Enjoy your Thursday MIP family! We got mild temperatures to start the day and tons of sun. I'm looking forward to being outside with fresh air and nature while testing a new club I got! Love and light all - find and keep your joy!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your service, Iamhere. I hope you are enjoying the sunny links as I type this!!
Some of my amends I did clumsily (learned that was OK), and some I learned it was just OK to be WILLING. I have also learned that some things said could cause more harm... so no need to be unkind. Because of my desire to continue working my program in all my daily affairs, today I am more likely to recognize a wrong and do amends right then and there - or at least shortly thereafter!
It is going to be over 100 again today. I guess summer is here!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I cannot say that God only puts what is in front of me as something I can handle. I do know that all my life I have been struggling to make a comfortable place to live. Without reservation I have to say that no alcoholic I know had a comfortable olace to live. Rather than make it a home it is another place to punish themselves.
Unfortunately if you are around them you are collateral damage.
I have been on complete overwhelm all year. I am at a place where I can accept it.
Nevertheless the hardship is cumulative. I went to the bank yesterday. The bank is all boarded up and closed. It is like a hurricane hit. Needlesss to.say I did not get to a bank.
I am working really hard on letting go. This week has been especially trying and really triggering. That has been hard going to get throught that. Very hard going.
Thanks for your service IAH. I want to share an experience I had when making an amends. It was to a best friend I had from about 7th grade until about age 30. I was broken when we had differences over sharing an apt. and she ended our very long friendship. I was devastated for quite a long time. I decided to write to her now years later, and apologize for the parts I knew that had hurt her, even though at the time they could not be helped. And she wrote me back a scathing letter, blaming me for everything and taking no responsibility for her part. Of course at the time it upset me, but I have been able to let it go. I did the right thing on my end. I have apologized and it was sincere, and thats all I can do. So the outcome of amends is unknown, but like everything else, I can just keep my side of the street clean. Lyne
Lyne...Good Job!! In my understanding an amends can go two ways; one for the person(s) I harmed and two including the harm I did myself. My HP accompanies me thru all of my program/recovery work whether anyone else knows it or not. I have heard my HP express gratitude after an apology and/or amends and upon hearing that I know it was done as expected. When I started my amends making it included wrongs I did starting from early teens and such. Sending money and amends to the old town store I stole a pack of cigarettes from. They were 25 cents a pack and I prorated the value according to the time that had past. I didn't know their reaction...it didn't matter and HP smiled. I have one from High School that I have just been putting off which isn't program so I will get to it tonight.....Thanks for the nudge and lead....((((hugs))))
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