The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a reflection about the fourth step:made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
The writer describes having lived a life of pursuing perfection. He/she felt that any shortcomings were failures, and brought this belief into the approach of the 4th step. Over time and work with a sponsor, the writer began to see the difference between humility and humiliation. He/she stopped keeping score with the moral inventory and instead put the focus on any changes that could be made in order to have a more serene life.
This page struck me on a few levels. I remember the first time I went through the steps; I looked at it like another list I could check off as I made my way through. I think I had a surface level understanding of the process and thats how I made my way through the steps. In particular, this step of a moral inventory made me roll up my sleeves. I couldnt wait to examine all of my faults and wrongdoings! I do think there was a part of me that figured the Answers would be held in admitting all wrongs and feeing the appropriate amount of guilt and humiliation for each! I remember my sponsor helping me slow down long before the step work to look at character defects with a balance of assets. What was I seeing in myself that was a gift? That wasnt easy! Of course, that exercise helped me to recognize that the positive assets were right in there along with any defects I was working on.
The quotation at the bottom of this page comes from Courage to Change (p158) and is appropriate for the topic but strikes me even more as something those of us living in the USA could consider:
It may demand courage and self-discipline, but by freely acknowledging who we have been, we can make positive changes about who we are becoming
I have become aware of how some people project their needs onto me. Then I step uo to the plate without taking care of mt needs
I am aware, pf course. of doingnthebsanr thing. I have needs you fix them
I gave been in a place in the past three weeks of having to start over. I got so sick I could not even walk let alone get out of bed.
I had to take care of nyself one step at a time
Who.would have though that self imposed isolation (well not being able to walk calls it a necessity) would put me in a place where I had the time for self reflection
Once again my compulsuve pleasing put me in a place where my health was swallowed up by it.
For me the need to give up certain behaviors is beyond necessity it is part of saving my life. I was about to go into a coma
I ceetainly did not have this point of view before so it a new way for me to relate. Most certainly it is far less draining than the way I have related throughout my adult life
I found my 3rd round of Step 4 much more productive for me!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Sunday MIP Family! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH....I too can relate to the daily and the shares - I spent more time than I care to admit chasing perfection. Truly, only when I got to recovery, did I accept how unhealthy that is. There is nothing wrong with doing your best; it's when the best of efforts yield different results that I 'crumbled'. I wanted the perfect family, perfect job, perfect marriage, perfect kids, perfect home, etc. It never occurred to me to just chill out and enjoy the journey!!
I'm grateful the steps showed me what I can do within me to have a healthier life, outlook and attitude. It's thru the steps, over and over again that more has been revealed and I've been able to practice unconditional acceptance and love. Letting go of expectations, perfectionism being just one, gave me a level of freedom I wasn't even aware was possible.
The sun is shining here and it's been a great day @ the golf course. My parents continue to gain energy and strength and I continue to be well. Love and light all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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