The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning all. Today's reading is all about Step Two - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. The author shares a story about rushing on a motorcycle to a meditation class, not wanting to be late. Right in front of the class, the bike dumped the author who was roughed up and thrown. Instead of taking responsibility for the rushing and carelessness, blame was tossed towards the road, the city and others - allowing the 'victim' thinking to surface.
This reading suggests the only valid comparisons we should ever make are between who we are today and who we used to be.
Reminder: Looking back, I see many examples of the grace of a Power greater than myself at work in my life. I see progress in being restored to sanity, and I am increasingly confident that my progress will continue.
Quote: "Our business in life is not to get ahead of other people, but to get ahead of ourselves." Maltbie D. Babcock
The insanity in me that I uncovered in step work truly began before I could say or spell alcohol/ic. As far back as I can remember, we were raised in a family where competing and comparing was a normal practice. As the youngest child and the only gal, I almost always came in 'last' - at least in my mind. My parents are loving people and both untreated adult children of A, so it stands to reason that the perfectionist gene and patterns were passed down - along with many others.
Al-Anon recovery is where I learned this was not super healthy! What others think of me is not my business and not about me. It is instead about them and how they see the world. As I began to explore various Al-Anon suggestions and tools, I uncovered many patterns that were not only unhealthy, they were quite insane. I was the queen of throwing blame/shame at people, places and things and stuck in a perpetual victim mentality.
Al-Anon empowered me to trust in a power greater than I, make changes in me which lead to healthier choices. Today, I can stand tall and proud in my own authenticity and take healthy action to enforce my boundaries and detach. It's an incredible feeling to drive across the country, knowing I am walking into a potentially dangerous/deadly situation and have no reservations or fear. I have no doubt that my HP made that trip with me, hung with me while caring for my parents and lead me to my departure and safe journey home.
What I have experienced is no matter how much time I am in/around/working on recovery, I continue to learn, change and grow when I just remain Humble, Open and Willing - this, for me is HOW it all works. I am grateful for Al-Anon and my recovery tools every day!
Happy Thursday MIP - we've got rain here today and cooler temperatures! It looks like my walk will be with raindrops, which makes it all the more interesting! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Step 2 was a hard one for me for quite a while... I truly thought that God had forsaken me. I found, for me, I had to dispel my myth of the God I grew up with. I had to come to believe in something else for me to move forward. I have always believed in a "Greater" spirit... one that looks over everything... the land, the animals, even the humans. Not sure how I compartmentalized that belief with my disappointment in the Christian God... but I did. Still struggling, I was told in these rooms, all that mattered was that I could begin to think of anything as that Higher Power. What really mattered was the faith that this Higher Power could restore me to sanity.
So I did not give up. I think that was key to my forward momentum. And don't get me wrong, it hasn't been an easy road. Many times, it has been 1 step forward, and two steps back!! But there is serenity here. And I want that. So I keep working on ME. One Day At A Time!
Grateful for the short work-week. &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks IAH for your service and for both above great shares. I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity because I have proof of this on a regular basis. I still live with an active A/sometimes dry drunk, and there are so many instances that I am confronted with nonsense and/or hostility from alcoholic behavior. And honestly there are times that I get caught up in it, but there are many other times that I can say out loud to my A what's going on, and walk away unscathed. That is a true gift of this program and my HP at work. I can be sane most of the time in a very unstable environment. And living half time apart helps tremendously! I'm not sure this would work for me full-time. Most likely I would be divorced. But just for today I'm going to enjoy my day with my dogs and my son and his family. Lyne
can so relate to the one who crashed on his bike....yep, that was me....before program, that is....Now I look, honestly at the situation and yea, I see now, where I am my own worst enemy...this am, I lost my phone, AGAIN....had to get my friend to call me.....so instead of blaming anything but me , I set yet ANOTHER rule for where to put my stuff...........first---SLOW DOWN and PAY ATTENTION (my worst part of me, where I cannot be mindful) but because I know I fail in #1, so much, I set RULES---i.e., car keys always in purse.....now phone will always be In purse or on nightstand....NO exceptions.......with GAD and PTSD, I am shot in the foot to start with, but I can set rules of WHERE something has to be and don't go off that rule.....
I notice that in program, now, I can take responsibility for my screw ups, hence the love-hate relationship with myself....the self saboteur jumps right in when i am not paying attention, in the moment.....what I would not give to be able to overcome this horrid defect....just keep trying , I guess...
I was in victim mode- and i was also a victim, pure and simple. A victim of circumstances beyond my control. But the fickle finger of fate had not pointed me out- and determined that my life would seem like a living hell.
"Seem" was the operative word. I had no trouble with higher power ideas. Though I have agonised over this issue on behalf of other people.
I have not moved back from this- and thought "not my problem!" I think that part of my Step 12 is to demonstrate the kind of faith, anyone would expect from a life of turmoil- and a life followed amongst people in recovery.
A departure for me- I read your share only, first up. Now I have read the other three shares- thanks guys!
So maybe now I have learned to listen, and to reflect. To have a life and a mind of my own.
I suppose i was always hot-wired. I was always going to be a survivor. Use my sensitivity with others, y'all, who are much like me.
Moving from victim mode-I began to express some gratitude. This thankfulness began to melt into my soul. My body started to work for me, instead of against me. I grieved for lots of lost opportunities- and then i began to see the stars, and the sun! ...
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Thanks IAm... for your reading and share... 
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