The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am going to start with the thought for the day and work back into the reading. Todays thought is simple and powerful: Whatever I concentrate on will become central to my life.
Where are we putting the focus and energy in our days? This idea is applied more specifically to the negative energy that is associated with gossip/criticism of others. The writer describes that hearing the phrase Let there be no gossip or criticism... in alanon meetings has helped keep the positive focus on self and responsibilities; relationships with others benefit as a result.
The writer decided not to have any conversation about someone who was not physically present. Staying away from talking about others keeps the focus on ourselves and in the present moment.
This page really struck me. Its quite easy to use someone elses actions or words for conversation, to give (unsolicited) opinion, or even to get a laugh. Even if I think I am not being mean spirited in my intent, I have to stop and question why I would be talking about the decisions someone else is making for their own life. Its also important for me to do a humility check and realize I dont have any right to think about what the result of someone elses motives or actions might be.
The saying that comes to my mind is the one about keeping my our own side of the street clean. Like many other things I have learned since coming to Alanon, it isnt always the easiest choice to stay away from gossip or talk about someone else (especially if that has been the instinct!) but it always results in more positivity and peace of mind.
Today I will be focusing on feeling the warmth of the sun, putting plants and flowers into the ground, and minding my own business!
Thanks Mary for your service. My entire life used to be focused on others! Its taken several years of alanon to learn to re-direct myself to me. I told my son recently that alanon teaches me to stop judging others and focus on myself and what I need to change. He thought that was quite profound, and yes, I agree! Although much of my thinking about others used to be in relationship to believing I never measured up nor could be as good as they were. Betty taught me: Compare=Despair. Thats something that has stuck with me over the years. Lyne
Thank you Mary for your service! Good to hear that you will be communing with the soil and plants this weekend.
Recharge your energy!!!
Lyne - Wow!! "...Al-Anon teaches me to stop juggling others and focus on myself and what I need to change." That IS profound!!! May I use this? Because that was me!!! I was a juggler of other people's feelings!! My mind is blown right now by the imagery!!
"Whatever I concentrate on will become central to my life." - In my practice, it is called "INTENTION." I have come to find that it can be very powerful.
CA has opened up somewhat (Phase 2)... but I feel it is still not safe to be anywhere with large crowds. So I am staying home and recharging my emotional batteries this weekend. Whatever you do, wherever you able to go this weekend.... take precautions, stay away from crowds & enjoy the Life your HP has blessed you with!!
& MIP Family!!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Sunday MIP! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your ESH and shares. I too have spent way too much time focused on others, and also throwing blame/shame/judgement and more their way! 'This' approach was certain to keep me from focusing on me! It worked for a long while and well until it didn't.
I recall the very moment in time when I realized all 'this' was not happening to me, it was happening in spite of me. I truly had never slowed my 'process' long enough to realize that everyone has got something and those who rise about it all are not perpetual whiners, blamers or shamers! Instead, they find what is good and put their energy their allowing the rest to pass, much like a thunderstorm.
What a way to practice recovery - Trust God, Clean my Own Side of the Street and Help Others! Today, I choose to look for the good in people, places, things, events around me. If my mind wanders down dark paths, I turn towards the light and step that way. I do believe deeply in what we obsess over grows so I choose joy, every day, all day long.
We have some sunshine and warmer temperatures so I took a lovely, long, peaceful walk....crossing streets to avoid others as my quarantine is not officially up until tomorrow. I am grateful for this day and what it brings and for my program which leads me forward, one day at a time.
Love and Light all - make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am not extreme about talking about others- I will ask and answer questions- like "how is Wanda getting on". And answer in broad terms- 'really well', 'not so good' or "ask Wanda".
On the other hand- personal sharing is sacred in the rooms.
The late time I was at an assembly- where the leaders met, one lone member left to head home to his remote community. Almost as soon as the door clicked shut- out came the tongues and the knives. Stuff I more or less knew anyway- but it was really off putting. Made me want to stick around and be the last to leave.
Our members, in a state of crisis will sense if this is a safe space to be- where our lives and thoughts are respected. This is the first step towards healing- and deep profound changes.
One saying- which did the round of the AA and Alanon rooms- was:- "What other people think of me is none of my business".
The world at large indulges in gossip and slander- to greater or lesser extent. I was subject to bullying in my FOO and also in my community. Found ways of dealing with this.
But for me 'the rooms' is a sacred space. Our opening and closing rituals underline this.
Taking time and patience at building a healthy group conscience- is priceless. We all work together to keep it healthy and healing. ...
Thank you for your service and your share Mary. This was the reading I needed. I woke up stuck on something that happened on a zoom with my family last night. My sisters boyfriend who Ive met once, kept turning his back to the camera and saying things. I could hear my name each time but not what he was saying. I found it rude and eventually got off the zoom when he turned to talk about my daughter. My sister told him not to go there right after my daughters name was heard and I said I just said had to get going. I woke up still mad about it. I wondered if my sister had been giving him green lights think it was okay to be like this toward me? I was really focusing on this and it was the yuckiest feeling.
This reading allowed me to see I was making it my focus. I was making it my day, not anything anyone else said or did last night. The tools Ive used to live a happy life regardless of my AH work for other circumstances too. I realize how much of my own behaviors are flawed having nothing to do with my AHs drinking. This reading reminded me I have so many choices to determine how my day will be. Now I can see the beautiful sunshine feel the peace I am grateful to have.
Thank you again Mary. ((((Hugs))))
I really needed this reminder! When I feel out of sorts with my life, I always come back to AlAnon and This board for peaceful inspiration...and I always find exactly what I need.
Thank you for your service.
Mary, thank you for your service....
this is a biggie to me.....Keeping other's business that they share to me, WITH ME and not the world....I am really strict about this gossiping....If I get around someone who does it about someone else, i wonder what they are saying about me
and let me be CLEAR...I know I have cried and asked for support about this roommate...#1, I won't mention her name (at least I hope to God I did not) , #2, this is my "be open and safe" place to share and #3, EVERYTHING I wrote here has been said AND written to her FACE!!!!!!
& 
MIP Family!!
Mary, Lyne, P. and IAm...
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