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Well, this am, roommate decides to do DISHES at 2am , and of COURSE it is on a worknight, wakes me up so i had a bad nights sleep and go to work tired again...Seems that every "night b4 work" she pulls something
so today, to take care of me, I told her that this is not working...and I am considering cutting off the power and water b4 bed, monday nights and putting it back on Tuesday am when i am leaving for work...I told her I did not feel like this was working and that I am going to step up my work ads, Covid will pass, eventually, then shes got to go!!!
of course she is wanting to 'make things up" like she texts me today from somewhere that she wants to bring me home a rotisserie chicken for tomorrow night...I tell her I don't like those dried out things, I have plenty to eat and don't bother me...
LORD let me find more work!!!! I've got to get her out of here...I can't "train" her anymore...She just does not learn the safety routines around here....
today, after work, I rested, napped and stuck to myself...this happens EVERY time I have to work the next day....I asked her if she was trying to sabotage me for something??? Did she resent me for something??? Because this is beyond understanding...Did she have an underlying resentment for me??? of course I got denials, but I told her LOOK AT YOUR ACTIONS!!!!!
you know the old saying...action speaks so much louder then words...I don't even want to HEAR anything that comes out of her mouth...i want to get more work and get her OUTTA here....
I don't know how long unemployment is going to last, otherwise, I would just give her notice and hope for the best when benefits run out....I just don't know what to do....I'm going to talk to Pastor about this in the next day or so....Get some direction...
In the meantime, I am gonna just WATCH everything and while I am "workless" just watch everything, but I am seriously thinking of cutting the water and power off b4 bed on Monday nights...I can stand the heat, but she won't be very comfortable....AND it will force her to be quiet....she can't take noisy 2am showers if no water......I know this is radical, crazy, even, but I cannot screw up this ONE job I have because I am so sleep deprived....I had to just force me to get through today...Got some stuff done, but with quickbooks online always messing up, it takes me soooo much longer to do tasks because of the terrible online service...poor boss had to call AGAIN to get it re-linked back to his bank/credit card accounts.....
Now I am resting, working my program, trying to relax....had a nap today, I hope I can sleep tonight....I'm just going to keep her out of my hair, detach...stay away from her as much as possible.........Wish I saw a job in my tea leaves, she would be receiving her notice TODAY!!!!
I just have to make the best out of this till I can get her outta here......Pastor talked me into keeping working with her but I'm done...I give UP!!!! this is NOT my issue....what I am going to do is remove or modify anything that she can do to mess me up......
I don't think she is evil or anything because if I thought that , she would be out long ago, I just think she is careless....no regard for others....has a memory like a colander..... Has NO clue how to live with others.....and oh yea, she is moooning over wanting to get married.....the Poor chap that gets her is gonna have to babysit this 48 year old child......I'm done!!!! As soon as I can, as Soon as work picks up, shes gone
In the meantime, put my benefits aside, cut back on spending.....get ready because I may evict her before I can get more work....gonna work step 3 on this.........HP wants me to be happy too.....
I DO know that this is not what I want and where i want to be even a year from now....I want my house and my peace and my quiet BACK!!!!! with Covid19 , its hard, but this won't last TOO much longer, one can hope.....
Sorry for the vent
There are folks WAY worse off then me...I let her in, it was during the virus, right b4 we had to really shut down...work has bellied up for now, save for this ONE difficult job that I have and my unemployment, where I report my earnings and they pay me the net , but I don't know how long this is going to last....I will quietly stock up, when I can on stuff, put the $$ away in savings, and reeeely cut back on my spending unless it is stuff I really need....and just watch my back till I can get my home back.......Pastor said if THIS chance fails, he will support me 100%....I'm going to have a chat with him in the next day or so.....
even so, I am grateful that my needs are met, noone I love is ill, and I have loving people in my life and I am grateful that I can come here and air out my anxieties and be loved and accepted no matter what and I am grateful that I CAN still work and that my beloved pets are OK.....
I am grateful I have you all to talk with.....I feel better, getting this out, but my goal, my focus is going to be to be at a place where I don't need someone like this stressing me out all the time and keep my ad going, and maybe I'll find a great little job I can go to like the one that folded back in August.....Just keep thanking HP for my deliverence....
BOY do I get it FINALLY!!!!! I used to question "why does so and so stay with the A??? why not leave????" well MAYBE they are in my position, financially and they CANT go yet!!!!
when I lost my Friday job, and found myself unable to take care of me, all those months, YEA, I "got it" big time as to why we stay , albeit temporary, but why we stay or in my case allow this roommate to go on because I am afraid I won't be able to support myself on my own...
The fear and shame that has brought to me is something I had to face as well....shame that once upon a time i could support me, I had a house cleaner, a lawn service, but NO MORE!!!! Now I am in this situation AND we got a virus, so what work COULD come my way is on hold
so yea, this has taught me a huge lesson....Never again will I question anyone who has to stay in a bad relationship because they CANT, right now, do any better....Not being able to support myself is a new thing for me...But as they say, HOPEFULLY, this too shall pass and I CAN take care of me....
I am powerless over this right now, but my HP is not, gonna do step 3 on this AS I keep my ad going....Tell Pastor to send his friends my way for taxes or bookkeeping......I CAN do SOME stuff to put my goal in action, but it might be a while, so watch my back...don't engage in her...and just KEEP thanking HP for delivering me so I can take care of MYSELF without having to do this roommate thing....or at least THIS roommate....no, really!!! I don't want my dogs going through this adjusting to someone again, and I want to pass on in relative peace when its my time to go....just put whatever $$ I can earn away, and maybe when I am 5 years from going, I can just quit and live on what savings I can stash away......something HAS to happen for me AND for her....I want her to be happy, just NOT WITH ME!!!!! I can't train her...I can't fix her....I can't "work with her" as Pastor says......I am OUT OF emotional petrol.....
I got a lot of good ESH from recovery mates that I work my program with And everyone of them said that this is a pattern of abuse and I researched last night and in the state of Texas it is a crime to emotionally or psychologically abuse an elderly person. So maybe while I give her her notice she will be too afraid to act up because I could have her picked up by the police for abusing me its all documented and emails with my recovery mate and also here on these boards I can print all this out. Im gonna give her her notice today and Im going to tell her to find another place because this is abuse I had wondered about it so I did some research these patterns and cycles of chaos and drama are starting to injure me in that I have my sleep is messed up and other things so yeah Im going to tell her today shes got to go this is Elder abuse and Im not going to endure this anymore than I absolutely have to she needs to go shes paid up until June 3
I am just going to have to trust HP that I can replace this income and in the meantime while on unemployment, I will just be real careful and try to save what I can and just it has to be OK. Because this is not fixable its not rectifiable intact it could possibly progressively get worse so Ive got to take action and take care of me. Am I frightened about the finances? Yeah but Im just gonna have to do this anyway
Tuesday was a good day. My husband was off work. I have been home bound with a 3 year old, a brand new puppy, & crummy weather. Monday I was completely tapped out emotionally. My boss asked if I could work a few hours Tuesday. I left the house around 10am. Did some grocery shopping, got a Starbucks & my fave Açaí bowl, & headed to work. The weather was beautiful. I got home around 2:30 & felt totally refreshed. A lot more like me. A friend came over to see our puppy. We stayed distant & ate dinner. Having some me time was way overdue. Work resumes June 1 at this point. It will be bittersweet. I have enjoyed my time with my son & working on my healing & program. Im fortunate to work for great doctors & only work 4 days a week. All precautions & protocols have been established. I have a lot more hope than I did 7 weeks ago, & the quarantine actually caused things to come to light in my home, & the time off work has really given me a chance to start healing.
Took care of me TODAY.....Scared, but its gonna, it HAS to be OK
EVICTION NOTICE:
You are paid up until Jun 3rd. That gives you plenty of time to find another place to live
We have discussed these issues before. This arrangement is not working out, and per the Notice I gave you which you signed, please vacate your room by June 3rd. I expect the household rules to be observed for the remainder of the time you are here."
I hope we can part in peace and remain good church mates.
