The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today was a lovely day, afterall, so I went bike riding instead of working out inside
went to my elderly friends house and she gave me a BIG tie dye shirt and I made 2 masks for me and she gave me another grey/black shirt for her masks so we made masks together.....had a nice visit...I visited with my cat who is temporarily living there....
had a great bible life point study meet on zoom tonight with my 2 favorite pastors...great shares
THEN I come home and my roommate is using MY zip bags for HER foods when I NEVER touch anything of hers....I politely told her I don't want anyone using my inventory (food, and other expendable supplies, as I know what my weekly supply expenses are gonna be) she got a bit touchy about it, but she uses my washer and dryer and I am "ok" with that, she uses my appliances, sheets, etc., and she uses my dish soap on her dishes but she washes mine, sometimes, too, so thats ok...my laundry detergent, which I will see if she shares on that...She didn't have her own towels, so I let her use the towels for that restroom...i've been MORE than fair and kind, but I am territorial about my foods, expendables, personal items and don't want anyone using them....
I am really funny about I don't touch other peoples stuff w/out asking OR sharing in the cost....and I told her this...I was Kind...Honest, I was, but I also was serious, like I know what my inventory is and what I need to buy at grocery store and I know she is helping herself to some of my "expendable" stuff, so I asked her NOT to do that anymore...I don't mind sharing a dinner, once in a while, but for the most part??? WE need to leave each others stuff alone......When I was done saying what I had to say, I was nice and wished her a good rest of the evening as it was getting into "quiet time" and she asked me (her car is STILL in the shop) if I would tote her with me to Aldi to get supplies....I said "ok, just be ready to leave when I am because I want to do my wash when I get back" We will pick up some stuff to donate to the church....more people are going hungry as this virus keeps going....so I wanna do something to help....roommate does too....
I haven't lived with anyone for 20 years, since divorce, with exception of visits from cousin or my BFF's, I've been alone and i think I am doing VERY well adjusting to this change, which has been difficult at times over boundaries, and she has her own bedroom, her own restroom, I don't ask for much, just clean up your areas, share with common area cleaning and we each keep our inventory separate...I do a quick step 10 b4 I need to set a boundary to make sure I am fair and I don't ask her for anything I would not do myself..thanks to program, AND this experience , I am seeing that I CAN get on with others, I CAN set boundaries that are fair and reasonable AND stand to them and I CAN hold up my end of an interaction with another...and I DO stand up for myself and take care of my needs as what is right..
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest..We've had a few "speed bumps" over stuff like this and today I am a bit irritated because by now , she should know the boundaries quite well...I am willing to give this a chance to work, she IS a nice person...but living with mom all her life she hasn't really learned boundaries unless it is something that SHE wants, then, oh yea, all of a sudden she knows boundaries.....
OK...vent over...I took care of me by firmly and kindly standing to my boundaries....I will be open to postive changes moving forward..........
and again, i always want to say this:
BE SAFE BE WELL TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
That's good to hear! Just keep firmly and kindly reiterating. I probably missed the whole story as to why you got a roomie. How old is she?
Also, I found that some people just need to be educated because they truly mean no harm, they just don't know what they don't know.
Funny, but my son is my roomie these days and I expect him to respect my stuff, even though he's my kid. I get irritate if he borrows my conditioner and doesn't put it back! Drives me nuts. So, I get it!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
haaaay!!! Andromeda, hows it going???? and yea, had to get roommate due to job loss and I do want to slow down a bit....she IS a nice gal..just needs a bit of "fine tuning" about basic stuff, but REALLY she is a good gal....she is 48 years old, so old enough, and she does listen...so yea, I hear ya about your son, LOL...My daughter was real good at "borrowing" stuff and not putting it back.......
