The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello & Happy Friday. If youve read my other post, youll know my journey is very new in Al-Anon. About 2 weeks. I hear frequently that someone cant steal my joy. I know Ill learn what that means better as the journey goes, but today I am just sad. Sad over the realization of the drinking, hiding, lying. Sad over betrayal. Sad that I know the road ahead is long. Sad that with Covid-19 I dont have a normal routine, no work. Lots of time to think, overthink, & probably ruminate over things that dont even exist. Just feels like a bit of grief that I know will come in waves. Today will be a test of talking to my HP & turning the ship around, but going to give myself some permission to hold some space for myself, to heal & process, then move forward gently.
Good Morning Crmans and thanks for the ESH. I use to have days like that and memories serve me well so I am grateful especially to have experienced the difference brought to me by practice of our program of recovery and all the gifts my Higher Power added to it. Only one of the gifts which I learned to exercise daily is the realization that feelings are choices. I can choose to feel whatever way I want and after I spent kicking and screaming about how idiotic that sounded I let myself try it along with the ESH of those who came before me.
I learned that my sadness was connected to my anger and rage and got more meaning and reason to follow the suggestions of the old timers and to ask for help. I needed help so badly that I would stalk them after group and ask for more ESH. It works and I kept coming back.
I wish you gratitude and peace and a comfortable smile. Save the sadness for later...whenever. (((((hugs)))))
I love honest shares and even IF it doesn't feel like it, where you are is probably where you're supposed to be. I remember when I realized how utterly powerless I was, and that all I could change was me, I felt relieved in some respects. And, I too, then had tons of sadness and I struggled to feel it, own it and accept it. I realized that I was mourning - all that I had been 'trying to have', all that I 'thought should be' and even some hopes and dreams I had for others and me...
At any point in my life that I feel sad, it helps to remember that this too shall pass. I have always been one that does better with service, to self or others, as a way of letting go when I am stuck or obsessing. As you absorb more in Al-Anon, you'll find tools that work well for you and to accept that what 'is' probably is exactly what should be.
I have a very gentle sponsor, and when I am troubled, she'll remind me that I should 'Thank HP for the pain.' I found this to be incredibly annoying yet, profoundly true. Most of my greatest lessons were a result of intense pain/sadness. I would love to say I grow more with joyful days and joyful life events - but that's not always been my experience.
Keep coming back - another great thing about owning our feelings - I find that when I share them, dump them out in the open, they tend to lesson. (((Hugs))) - you're not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I like the way you're working the Alanon slogans "Easy does it" and "One day at a time." Keep taking good care of yourself. I'm sorry for the sadness you're feeling. Thanks for sharing honestly what's on your heart and mind. It can be hard sometimes to find right balance between our expectations and acceptance of what is. Praying the Serenity Prayer at these time has helped me a bit. ((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you so much to everyone. After some time just sitting with the sadness, I was able to start to steer the ship around. I had a good cry. Was nice to myself. It took all day but i finally did my WOD (Workout of the Day) at 5:30pm. Washed the dog & toddler-together at same time & that brought some laughs, & had a good ole dance party with the boy after that! I think Im still in some shock, but knew deep down this would eventually happen....that it would come to a head. Im blessed I found this group of people. Honesty & transparency is something Im ok with, after working on it for years. And I know at this point in my life, its necessary for healing & growth-even when its painful and/or uncomfortable. I appreciate the vulnerability & support of everyone in this group. :)
Catherine, I've been where you are , being sad..I still get sad at times and I just "be with my feelings" allow my feeling to pass through me....I pray, talk to my HP, reach out here and get on the phone with loved ones....and ohhh yea, the drinking and its lying, chaos, drama, oh yea....and my recovery road was long, but OH so worth it...I AM worth it....
covid 19, I wonder, if we will ever be the same...Like what will our "normal" be like when this virus cycles out??? Then I saw a docu. about the great pandemic of 1918 when millions died all over EU and USA, and they got over it...It took a while, but they rode it out and life did get back to sanity...
I love what you said on your last sentence here.....giving yourself some permission to hold some space for you and to heal and process...and then move forward gently.....BEAUTIFUL.....sending you hugs of support
