Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change 4/16

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 10642
Courage to Change 4/16

Good morning MIP.  Today's reading discusses several concepts discovered often in recovery.  The author shares that they arrived in great pain, great enough that they were very open to both the program and the members.  Al-Anon helped the author realize that attitude towards what has been, what is and what will be is a choice.  Also, after spending most of their life waiting for others to show love and approval, the author came to accept and understand they were 'enough' no matter what anyone else said or did.

The steps helped with changing attitudes and perceptions.  Again, the author came to realize that loving and appreciating self is a choice, and waiting for others to provide it or joy was not necessary to have peace, joy and serenity.

Reminder:  It's time to stop waiting for others to take care of me.  The only person who can love me the way I want to be loved is me.

Quote from Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism:  "Gradually I accepted the fact that my 'if only' wishes were not about to come true.  But I also learned that I could be happy even if they didn't."


I too arrived in great pain and with a collection of necessary 'changes' for my own happiness/satisfaction.  In my distorted way of thinking, I blamed the disease and the diseased for my 'state' was far easier to do so, and to assume all would be well 'if only' they would........................................................................................................ (insert many, controlling, egocentric things here)

It took me a long while to look at things differently.  I had spent so much time throwing blame/shame at others that my own thoughts blocked me from being more open.  I spent a while in recovery choosing 'being right' vs. 'being happy' and had difficulty changing my focus from others to me.

With practice, I was able to find small successes which led to hope (for me, for peace, for genuine joy).  Hope, for me, was a great motivator to really spend more time focused on me, why I thought the way I did, why I reacted the way I did  and the steps were the golden ticket to a better understanding of me, my needs and perceptions.

I am grateful for the journey and more grateful that changed attitudes aid recovery.  Today, I will choose happiness all day long vs. being right.  I love pausing to truly consider what I am feeling and then considering healthier responses vs. knee-jerk reactions.  In my family, so much of the chaos/drama was reduced by me just refusing to pick up the rope.  When I stopped judging and inventorying others, and instead focused on me, it became easier to practice unconditional acceptance and love.

I am grateful for recovery, Al-Anon, those who came before me and all who keep coming back....that includes MIP and beyond!  I truly love waking up in the morning and knowing I have a new day to practice authenticity, acceptance, service and more!  I am grateful that being positive and joyful is a choice, and I am able to go with the flow way more than before!  Happy Thursday MIP family - make it a great day!



Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1643

Thanks IAH for your service and wonderful share. Many parts of your comments I could have written myself. I had so much anger, resentment, and blame for my A. I thought I had all the answers. I thought I could get the drinking to stop. All of this thinking was faulty, and it also took me awhile to figure this out.

And I have so many opportunities to practice! About an hour ago my A made a decision for an action I was asking her not to do, and we discussed it many times. My anger returned and BP increased. And in a very short amount of time I accepted that she is in control of herself and the full-time home. She gets to make those decisions. I am turning my upset over to God because He can and I can't. I can control myself and my home where I live half the week. And what a relief it is to have my place, my way, with my rules. Amen. Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1932

Thank you IAH for your service, too....and boy could I relate to your daily and your share...."if only THEY would do this/feel that , I could............................" Oh yea.... I not only had to be "right" but I had to have the last word as its OK to detach/distance/leave and say not a word, but a quiet prayer for them....or a circumstance...I am happy I can many times turn to folks who can assist me, or just dump it on HP and thank HP for meeting my needs....all but one of my clients are closed up due to the virus...I would have been freaking out before, but I am not in control, totally powerless, and really had to force me to 1 hour at a time, give to HP and HP has been meeting my needs great!!! i am OK...I have everything I need......

I know some of my share was off topic, but my changes are not just happening with other people, but with life around me, circumstances, all areas of my life...I am OK as I am...Everyone else has the right to be what they want to be...If it isn't a match for me, I move on...what a load off me, stopping trying to control others and fighting for their approval or to change...

finally after in program for a while, i realized that the only stuff I can change, improve on, make better is ME....change my mind and my stinkin thinkin and I'll change my circumstances...Well it was rough going, didn't happen all at once because I had difficulties, sabotaging myself with my addiction to control, but even that last , most stubborn, defect is giving way to a person who is not only willing, but GLAD I have an HP to give the "can't do's" over to HP...I notice that I am less judging and more patient with the folks who really deserve it and the toxic??? I just say a prayer for them and walk away...I accept people AS IS or walk away in peace


Rose, a work in progress!!!


Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.