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Hello all, its been a very long time and bumpy road. AH is attending his first AA visit online as a provision of his DUI probation but since F2F is suspended indefinitely in our area he's drinking a beer whilst online. His probation seems to be ramping up the drinking but I'm hopeful that he'll get some good out of this all. I've been wanting to come back over these years; losing good people here and in my personal life has wreaked its havoc.
In trying to see the positive side of this terrifying time whilst sheltering in place I've tried to reflect on everything that has lead me to this point. I started realizing how I've abused and victimized myself as much as the A. I've been judgemental and resentful even as I pity him. It's been tense of course at home and with my health conditions I can't work so the financial situation is disastrous as in so many homes in the world.
I don't know if I'll decide to leave after or if things go back to normal but in the meantime I'll keep doing the best I can for us and hope and pray for everyone to be as well as possible. Thank you.
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"People suffer because they are caught in their views. As soon as we release those views, we are free and we don't suffer anymore." ~
Thich Nhat Hanh
Greetings PN-I'm not sure if you are brand new to MIP or just returning after a long time, but welcome either way. When I entered program I was obsessed with figuring out if I should leave or stay with my A of over 20 years. In accepting, as you have, that I too had become sick, I was able to focus on myself instead of my A (at least most of the time). Over time I have been becoming healthier and stronger. I am glad I stopped pressuring myself to make decisions. I hope that you can get involved with alanon in a way that fits your needs, and give yourself the time to heal. Eventually you will know what to do. Stay well and keep coming back, Lyne
Good to see you Paloma and so sorry for what brings you back. Living with active disease is so, so hard and when we are stuck at home, it just feels/seems magnified times hundreds. Please know you are not alone and any recovery effort for yourself will pay you dividends.
I have really, really been focusing on keeping things simple, easy does it and one day at a time. They've serve me well as I am used to going, doing, etc. way more than what's currently mandated (for my area) or recommended.
As far as your guy goes, we do saw often in the AA side of the house that even when one is not ready to surrender and work on recovery, seeds are planted. We can only speculate what he may be thinking, but I think it's safe to say he's not thinking from any point of surrender or sanity. Each time I've been faced with active disease, I've had to remind myself not to take it personally and remember that it's a cunning, baffling and powerful disease, for which there is no cure.
Keep coming back as often as possible. There is always hope and help in recovery! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
In my experience, and this happened to me a lot, and I see it happen all the time...is that we have expectations. Something positive happens. Perhaps for the "wrong" reason(s), but it happens. And we hope, we dream, we want, we pray. Bang! Expectation. My wife went to her "first AA" meeting many times, because of something else!!! It can be DWI/DUI, probation, court ordered, something. Anything. But here's the bottom line...she DID NOT go because SHE WANTED TO. End of story.
I would think that someone doing an online AA meeting, while drinking a beer, is someone -- who doesn't think they have a problem, or someone who feels they can control their drinking, or someone who doesn't want to quit, or someone who feels all is OK, and so on and so on and so on.
Focus on YOU. Not him. He will decide -- and only he will decide -- what he wants to do. Watch. That's all. It will be clear. It will be obvious. Either you'll see it or you won't. Those who don't usually don't want to. Denial. Pain. Fear. Whatever it is.
Focus on YOU and your health issues. You deserve it. You have to. There are countless online zoom alanon meetings. Go to them!!! Start doing the work. You'll get better. All the best.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Aloha Paloma and welcome back. So both of you are in deep 2nd step work opportunity and the 3rd step also. Have you inventoried the program tools you have? Do you have program literature...daily readers, tapes an such? How is your connection with your Higher Power and do you practice this program behavior open and up front? It is good to be practice within the house with him being exposed to how you work it for you. Prayer and meditation...sure, yes. Your HP is there with you.
