The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author shares that, for most of their life, the fear of making a bad decision kept the author from making any decisions at all. The author's goal was to be as invisible as possible, which allowed the author to live in their head. In the author's mind, life was perfect, they said the right things, made good decisions, and didn't worry about criticism. The life the author constructed int heir head was perfect, and the author felt safe - safe from other people's harsh words, but not safe from self-criticism and self-hatred.
At their sponsor's suggestion, the author made a list of their fears, rage, and guilt each day. This activity helped the author get over their low self-worth, and start each day with a clean slate.
Putting their negative self-thoughts on paper meant that the author could no longer remain in their perfect world, but with time, it became easier for the author to write about themselves. When it came time to do the 4th step, the author was used to putting pen to paper, and it was not as scary.
The author is still getting used to living in a world where they make decisions rather than living in their head. The worries of making the wrong decision or making a decision someone else doesn't like are still present, but now the author turn to their HP for the strength to get through whatever might come.
Today's Reminder: When I go to bed at night, I give my troubles to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.
Today's Quote: "As we let our light shine, we unconditionally give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others." Marianne Williamson
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I love the practice of journaling each day. That is a practice I started when I was at the beginning of my program. My own approach is to start with an intention for the day, a quote or two that serves as a reminder of how I want to be in the world, and free-writing about whatever is on my mind. Lately, I've added a list of 3 things I plan to do during the day that are only for me, and I check in to see how I did the next day.
I found that I initially had a lot to say. I could fill pages each day. Now, years later, I find I struggle to fill a page. I take that as a sign of my growing serenity and acceptance of life. I don't have burning problems that I need to think through - most of the time! I'm not as indecisive, I don't need to put my worries or doubts on paper to get them out of my head, because they are no longer rattling around in my head - most of the time.
I love the program for the way it grows with us, how I can repurpose approaches and techniques for what is going on in my life today. This year especially, I have been working on doing things for myself each day (not self-care, but little acts of self-love) and being less concerned with how others may react to my decisions. (I can't do anything about their reactions, anyway. And that shouldn't prevent me from making decisions that are good for me.)
I hope you make today a great day, and that you are staying well
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service, the daily and your ESH! I really, really like the reminder as that's exactly what I was told to practice when I got here! It took me a long while in recovery to practice living ODAT, and working on just focusing on what decisions I need to do today, and how can I be of value/service, just for today. My life has been simplified greatly practicing this simple concept and that in turn has eased my thinking - it's such a gift to be able to just be present!
As I reflect how it was before recovery, almost every single decision I faced was over-analyzed. I really didn't have fear of making the wrong decision as much as I wanted to make the right/perfect decision. Today, I do the best I can with what I know in the moment and roll forward. I no longer have fear of being wrong or making the wrong choice as I accept that's just part of the human experience. It really helps me to know that I have a HP who is really in charge and that no matter what's going on, if I remain open and humble, I am growing, changing, and closer to a better version of me.
Happy Hump Day - make it a great one!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Skorpi for your service and all the above ESH. ESH is such a gift in this program....
I can totally relate to wanting to be invisible and being afraid to do anything wrong, a decision, a comment, etc. I had fear of everything. I too benefited from writing each day, a slogan to follow, an asset, and a gratitude, which was an assignment from my sponsor. Over time, my thinking changed, and I became able to see my assets as well as my shortcomings, and I could accept both. My thinking took a major turn into a new and improved view of myself and the world. Grateful, Lyne
Iamhere and Lyne - Yes, it's Hump Day... a good day to think about my assets (thanks for the reminder Lyne!)
My inertia came b/c I was always trying to people please. I too, over-analyzed things. I wanted THE perfect decision. I can truly relate to Iamhere's words! I try and live differently today. I am grateful for a better way.
Thank you all for the reminder!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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