Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

C2C, 3/30

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

aww Lyne... I drew a line and put selfless and one end and selfish at the other. And I could actually choose where I wanted to be on that line.

I just talked with grandkids on my I-phone, and decided to turn to my Alanon family. This is where I learned to find adult to adult peer support. And to talk about stuff that matters... smile Thanks.

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Lyne for your service. I am so grateful for you!!

I had trouble putting myself first as well too. My sponsor helped me by telling me that when I had doubts, ask myself this: "If not me, then who? If not now, then when?"
This helped me to be more comfortable putting myself first with kindness. I soon found out when I valued and loved myself (not selfishly) then I could still give to others, just in a healthier way! This also allowed for less resentments on my part!

When my SO was active in his disease, he always thought that my participation in Al-Anon was "ruining our relationship." But reality was, all it was ruining was his status quo.

Keep on keepin' on my friend!

&

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Happy Monday MIP family! I was not at all certain how focusing on me and taking care of me would help my situation/insanity. Of course, my thinking was faulty as I felt I was not part of the problem, and felt that I was more self-less and others were selfish consuming the air around me and ... I was unknowingly in a perpetual state of looking @ everybody but me.

I too felt a 'change' in me might appear to be selfish and self-serving. Yet, I had enough pain, loss, sorrow and had to have change or I would not survive. Healthy people noticed a change in me - a calmer, more joyful, more peaceful me. Those in my life who were affected by the disease strongly disliked any change I made because I resigned from the manager, caretaker, secretary, organizer, etc. role and sought out healthy, fun, enjoyable things to do instead of parent capable adults.

Today, I know that nobody is going to love me like my HP and myself. I am responsible for my sanity, my joy, my actions, words, deeds. I prefer to go through my day prayer for others instead of judging others. As I consider each day in the evening, those days I stayed on my side of the street are the days with the least amount of discomfort, stress, anxiety. Setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them has resulted in changed behaviors and attitudes in my qualifiers as well. They no longer expect me to do anything that enables their disease and they have grown in positive ways in spite of the disease.

Love and light all - make the best of each moment, we don't get them back again!

Skorpi · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for this topic, Lyne!
(I know I'm late to the party!)
I just love the self-love and self-respect in this share.
I've always been aware of people's judgments of me (I'm sure the whispering, pointing and giggling in K-12 helped with this awareness!) One thing I absolutely love about AlAnon is that it helped me to shed the need for the approval of others. If they want to waste their time thinking about what I'm doing, so be it. I'm going to continue taking care of myself and respecting myself, now that I've learned the skill!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene