The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We can receive the love we need and really want by owning our power. Through this program, we learn we can stand on our own two feet... even if sometimes it feels good to lean. We come to understand that the people we are leaning on are not necessarily holding us up, but they are standing right beside us! We can all have bad days. Days of profound loneliness, sadness, disappointment (both in ourselves and others)... and even days of fear. But working this program means that we can heal and deal with those dark days in ways that reflect self-responsibility rather than victimization.
Good morning MIP Family! The above was paraphrased from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.
In the beginning, I admit I felt victimized. I think I may have spent at least 6-8 months sitting and holding the "Victim Card." My Step 4 work helped me to see that nothing good was coming out of holding onto that card! I finally accepted that I was using a negative behavior...as I grew in Al-Anon, I realized I didn't need that card. It felt freeing to be able to throw it away!
Today, I have accepted the things that happened in my marriage... my life. So yeah, it didn't work out like my hopes and dreams. It was time I started making new ones!
I feel blessed to have MIP, especially now. Please do everything within your means to keep yourselves healthy! Reach out in novel ways, to keep the feeling of "connection."
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Saturday PnP - thank you for your service and for the daily! Feeling like I was the 'victim' was familiar to me - I too wore that label for a long, long while....while doing so, it was also easier for me to blame the person and throw tons of blame/shame outward. I love that Al-Anon showed me a different way to deal with the affects of this disease in others and truly freed me from being a victim. A huge 'break-thru' for my recovery came when I accepted that my 'people' were diseased and sick and the disease is the issue vs. the person.
We (humans) accept when one dies from cancer or another health issue/disease. Even if the person smoked or had other life habits that were less than stellar, we don't hold it against them and throw blame/shame at them because they got sick. Yet, with alcoholism, it is much easier to consider the disease a choice and blame the person. For me, this was not a viable solution because it allowed me to lead with my ego and self will while casting rocks at others. It also kept me in denial from my own contributions which in turn kept me blocked from a real relationship with the God of my understanding.
I am grateful that we get to burn our victim card and throw away the 'costume'. Letting go of the past - all that happened - their part, my part, the disease, etc. - has given me the option to be happy, joyous and free one day at a time. Most of my life has not gone as I would have thought/wanted yet, it has been fantastic to date. Because of where I've been, what I've experienced and where I am today, I truly do believe I am a victor vs. victim. I am grateful, even as we sit in social isolation, as I feel complete which I did not when I was stuck in denial and feeling put upon and victimized.
I've been reaching out each morning via text message to at least 15 other folks. That's been my goal and it's been fun. On top of that, I've reached out more than usual to my brothers and been in touch with my parents every day/other day. I've been doing extra cooking/baking and leaving 'to-go' meals on my porch for my son and his roommate as well as some senior members of my group who don't cook much. Each time I go to the store, I pick up stuff for others as needed. I've got FREE shipping almost everywhere, and I've also been shopping for others, sending items directly to them.
So, as I've worked on a new normal without my sidekick, I've added a variety of new things to be of service and help others deal with social isolation. We've had yucky weather so far, and the one nice day, I tried to walk and I felt naked and exposed without my dog. So, I've dusted off my bike and will try riding instead, which I do miss. My treadmill has stopped working - so another is on the way! I have changed up my morning routine to fill in.
Where there's a will, there's a way! I choose Joy each day and then do what I need to to hold onto it! Love and light and huge (((Hugs)))...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I was in victim mode for years- because I was a victim. I was told "to snap out of it". And I got mildly angry- looking at wider Alanon- that talked about 'the pity pot' or 'the poor me's' or 'the pity party'.
I didn't wake up one morning- and find out that it was all over. But the pity and pain did slowly dissolve away. I have not forgotten how things were with me. But I do know now that my circumstances were serious and often life threatening.
Finding myself being able to express genuine gratitude was a sign of change. And beginning to sense gratitude in other people- was priceless...
"where there is a will, there's a way" A call to action- and not actually a call to battle.
The old battle was far too consuming. One day at a time- is such easier to manage! Simple. A simple challenge, not just to get by- but to get on with it. ...
It is hard not to feel victimized
Had to move out of my apartment in January
I was real sick when I moved out
I am certain I already had the Corona virus
I opted to go stay with my friend
He is at home right now sheltering in place he has a job that will pay him to shelte
Got laid off by not one but two jobs
Scrambled to get another job
Do not know when I will move back to my apartment
In theory it is the 2nd week in Aoril
Guy who I rent from is being a real jerk.
Complains all the time
Last week I worked over 70 hours to make up for hours lost. Not one nite at home
What is there to complain about I am not there.
He is mad I will be gone on the 10th
I am counting the days
His alcoholism has progressed
If he isnt sloshed he is miserable
This is one tough year
Maresie
You are definitely being challenged right now. Hold fast to your plan. The sooner you can be at your own place, the sooner you will feel at peace,
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
OH YEA...as a child I WAS a victim...noithing BUT one....but now??? I can take care of me...I can NOW take my power back....I can NOW assert my boundaries, but it took a LOT of years in recovery to arrive at that place....the poor me card still sometimes crops up and I vent and grieve, etc, then its "OK what can I NOW do to take care of me????"
Even healthy folks can be a victim...a robbery....assault...nature blowing their house away....yea, we CAN at times be a victim, but the "catch" is staying in victim, helpless mode...THAT is where I think the "norm goes from normal to abnormal/unhealthy) People get hit with bad stuff all the time...the healthier I get, the more familiar and grateful I am with and for STEP THREE.....NOW, yea, I could be a victim , but I don't have to and don't STAY feeling the victim......
Maresie, so sorry about your situations...Hope you can get out of that flat with that guy ASAP...hang in there and keep taking care of you
& 
...P&P and IAM...
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