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My BFF in New hampshire, (We both came from neighboring towns in Massachusetts) had pneumonia and just didn't seem to be getting over it so she goes to the doctor, and they find a "bubble" or a "mass" on her lung...No worries they say, probably a complication of the pneumonia...
She went in last week for them to treat the mass, they drained 1.5 litres of fluid out of her lung, and of course sent it to lab for testing
They call her today and say they see stage IV cancer cells in the fluid...So Monday, she goes in for pet scan, then she will ask for 2nd opinion..
I am shocked, saddened, worried, did NOT expect this as she never smoked, never was around it because of her allergies, it isn't in her family...and she is only 57 years old...
I didn't and still don't want to believe it, but I figure, before they tell a patient something like THAT, probably they reeeeeely checked it b4 telling her THAT kind of news
her name is Kerry and she is the biggest reason why I finally was able to surrender to steps 1, 2, 3, she was my spiritual adviser and Betty was my mentor/sponsor...Betty and now her..this is a hay maker..This lady and I go back LONG before I got into recovery when I was a God hating little ball of terrible anger and just totally toxic to be around..She, like Betty, later when i got into recovery saw the good in me and stuck by me...they both loved me when I could not love me..
I'm sad, trying to process this, wishing I could do something to help her besides listen to her and pray for her, but I can't afford to go back East with work so bad...She sent me an adorable valentine card with a stuffed Teddy bear in the box, because my dogs had "killed" my sleep Teddy, so Kerry replaced him...I keep him in his basket i got for him to keep him safe from the doggies
WHAT am I gonna do w/out her??? Lung cancer , stage IV is "treatable" but usually not survivable..They can help the patient be comfortable, and buy some time, but usually stage IV is when it has gone to other organs..NOW I understand why they scanned her brain when she went in for the fluid draining and testing..I think they suspected it but didn't want to say till they tested the fluid...
I feel sorta numb..Like here i am, older, and worn out by lifes hardship , so its OK if I go, I don't really care as I know I will be in the happy place, but SHES YOUNGER and she has a husband and a mother and brother...AND she wants to live...Very much...She adores going to her church and being a greeter and counselor to folks who need prayer and guidance..
I hope this post made sense..i'm still trying to work through the feelings of shock, disbelief and of course , being selfish, losing another loved one...I prayed this afternoon, telling HP that "THY will , not mine be done" just PLEEEEZE if it is the worst case scenario, PLEEEEEZE don't let her suffer....If she has to leave, let it be with minimal suffering....
I love her!!! I learned a lot about cancer, dealing with it with a sister, my BIL whom I loved to pieces (he had lung cancer) so yea, I learned a lot about this cursed disease but did NOT share with her anything but my love and encouragement and YES...GET a 2nd opinion...We will deal with it ODAT...
thank you for reading me.....God bless and be safe..This virus has to run its life cycle b4 it finally dies out, so lets all use caution and this too shall pass...Prayers for everyone on here to be safe!!!!
As you may or may not know, I lost my 55 year old cousin on 12/23 - diagnosed on 11/23 and gone in 30 days. I too have experienced the one-two punch of cancer in people I love and it can feel like too much to bear. I found the most peace and acceptance in the realization I would rather a quick journey to the other side if it's their time than a prolonged period of painful, extensive treatment that hold little promise.
It does suck - just yesterday, two of my HS gal pals who are battling cancer got some results. One is cancer free and the other, it's spread and not looking good. We text (7 of us) all day, every day and it was such a difficult day to know what to say/do. What I know I can do always is pray and share hope - not necessarily hope for healing/recovery but hope for a comfortable day in their journey. Changed attitudes aid our recovery and I am limited in being of loving service when I am blocked from the sunlight of the spirit.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sending prayers your way b/c that is all I can do. I understand your pain. Perhaps you are meant to be HER rock now.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Prayers coming your way Rose...use them as you can and tell your friends they are getting prayers from around the planet. This is a response from my HP who I often ask "Place me where you want me...then tell me what to do". My HP is in the program walking and talking to us constantly. I get simple suggestions and follow up with them. Keep on keeping on Rose and thanks for your faith and encouragement. ((((hugs)))) sorry those are damp cause it's raining here.
thank you Iamhere, Posies, Jill, Jerry and David for your prayers...We will know more after petscan results come back...
So sorry, Iamhere about your cousin and now you HS girlfriend and I agree...Best, if it is fatal, to go to the other side fast then slow..I prayed to HP that IF she has to leave, let it be quick..I totally agree with you....
and Posies, yep..I gotta step up and be HER rock...I will do my best...
Jill, thank you for stopping by and offering up prayer
Jerry Yep "place me where you want me and tell me what to do" I sort of asked my HP last night, sorta the same thing....and thank for the hugs, damp or not, I appreciate them
Dear David, ((((David)))) thank you for the hug.....Hope the virus is not bad where you are at...
EVERYONE!!! ((((((((Hugs)))))))) Be SAFE and take care........
Prayers and lots of comfort your way and to your dear friend. I know I got very obsessed? about it when my uncle passed, I had never met cancer before then. I don't know what to say except at least you have the opportunity to share your love for her now and undoubtedly you are doing so. Take care ((Rose))
I told Kerry, she LITERALLY had prayer warriors from Hawaii to the East Coast praying for her....
I am asking my HP to help me be her good little rock...She seemed to be a bit calmer, processing this news...She had had a melanoma removed from her back, in 2005-6 and Dr. thinks that some of it got into her bloodstream and now its in her lung...pet scan will tell us more.....I told her I loved her and I AM HERE.......Kerry is very beloved in the NE part of USA where she helps folks who are hurting out of her church..and she goes to Native American Pow wows and just spreads love everywhere she goes....
She told me to be SURE and post a "thank you" post to all of you prayer angels, so I am obeying my sister from a different parent and doing so...............THANK YOU ((((((((((((((recovery family))))))))))))))))))) from Kerry....Between her and Betty's devoted love and faith in me when I had none, I am a different person...I shall be eternally grateful to Betty for her part and this little lady for her part......the human part of me whats to hang on..hang on..hang on....the recovery/spiritual part of me is saying step 3 step 3 step 3...Give it ALL to HP
((((((((((((Temple))))))))))))))) ohhh yea, it hurts to lose one you love...but ya know??? I wold rather love and feel the pain of their going away, then to never have loved her at all...I am so blessed the time I have, will have with her....it will be a wrench to let her go, but I must allow whats between her and HER HP to happen..I must get out of the way when its time...We will know more when pet scan comes back, test is on Mon. we might know something on Wed/thur.....
I am loving her, supporting her, being there for her, but I AM taking care of me in that I am not absorbing this like the old Coda me would, and I am taking proactive self care so I CAN be of use to my loved ones...If I don't take care of me, then I am useless to my loved ones....
Thank you for stopping by, my friend.....so how is YOUR health doing???? Sorry I haven't gotten any vids of the monsters of late...just so much going on, but I shall...soon...
(((Rose))) Prayers for your dear friend, Kerry and for you. I'm sorry to read this very sad news. I learned a few nights ago that someone in MIP meetings who I had been close to over the years died a few months back from cancer. It came as a shock. I was told that one day just like that it had been discovered and she went very quickly. It echoes of what happened to my friend at f2f and our Betty here.
"I hope this post made sense..i'm still trying to work through the feelings of shock, disbelief and of course , being selfish, losing another loved one..."
I think it human to not want to lose another loved one and a great honor to her that she's part of your life journey in a positive way - making such a beautiful difference in your life. Please consider that you have been doing the same in hers all along. It's not only possible but probable. She gets to love Rose and be loved by Rose.
Our Alanon program gives us tools for living life on life's terms. Some events are unfathomable until we're sitting in them. You mentioned your journey through steps 1,2,3 with Kerry's help. I tend to like the third step prayer, the whole prayer when I'm feeling powerless. It helps me surrender, accept and adjust my thinking. From that place, I more clearly see my hp's will for me. The prayer lifts me out of obsession and being hostage to fear.
Thanks for your wish for us all to be safe during this pandemic. To know we care about one another here is comforts me. Stay safe and well (((Rose)) and ((Everyone)))
Prayers for Kerry, her family and all who love her. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
((((((((tiredtonight)))))))))). What a beautiful share you just gave to me. Very touching and very very timely as I cycle in and out of feeling sad and melancholy and then grateful that she is still in my life and as I said we will know more when the pet scan comes back. I have literally given her over to HP as I do my best to give her my love and support
Of course I care about my Al-Anon family here, you all are very precious and important to me as we are sharing recovery and sharing love and encouragement for each other and that is so important. I do Psalm 23 every night for my Al-Anon and my ACA family and also my family and loved ones that I have in my personal life that although are not in recovery, they are loving and supportive of me and happy I am in a healthy program with folks who can relate with me
I am getting ready to call Kerry and check up on her Ive got some humorous things to share with her that she loves to laugh, I so appreciate the prayers and support I am getting on this wonderful board, I know I am not alone. I posted a Facebook request for prayer on my board after she gave me her permission to do so because I wanted not to step into her privacy but she was delighted that I wanted to post about her on my Facebook because she loves prayer and I told her she is getting prayed over at the site and the other site I am on and also my church and now my Facebook and I got lots of hugs and prayers as a result. Lots of people loved her and there is good Reason as she is so lovable. Its still hard for me to believe that Betty is gone. I loved her and I miss her and I love her still
I want to pay forward all the wonderful things that our Betty taught me in helping others and that is how she stays alive in my life and in my heart. I will let you all know what the pet scan says. We are sort of sweating it out this weekend and Monday she goes in for the scan and we should know within a couple of days I would think
Everybody, as I said before, stay safe and be well. This awful virus will pass but in the meantime I am using this downtime from my gyms and other places where I go like church, I am using this downtime to reflect And to Just work on being a better me
Grateful hugs to everybody and may you all be OK and safe
((((((((((Fedora)))))))))) you know?? tonight when I prayed with her, I prayed for us to have peace...her especially and all of us family and loved ones (i'm her family of choice) and we prayed for "wisdom in her doctors" exactly said it like that.....I asked HP to bless their wisdom AND their hands as they work on her in upcoming treatments....thanks a bunch for stopping by
Kerry got her tests back..........stage 4 cancer, but its ALL in the one lung...trying to move, so they caught it on time.....there is hope they can at the very least hold it off....but I would think that if it is in all one place as they said, however , it is trying to move elsewhere..it still is in the same place, i wold think her chances are pretty good.....we will know more when they do the bronchialosocopy they run a tube down her lung and will get samples of what they are dealing with......i had thought stage 4 was a death sentence, but if they can get it all out...blast it with chemo/radiation, she might have a shot?????
Just stopping in to thank everyone for the prayers and kind thoughts...She has her good days and bad...yesterday, I called and she kinda snapped at me and said she wasnt' feeling well...I told her I loved her and I was here....called her today an she thought she had to apologize...I told her we were too much "family of choice" to apologize for being so sick she can't hold anything down.....today she was a bit better but tired...scared..anxious....monday they will take a pic of her lung, drain out the fluid that has come back and plan of action will be decided.......
the selfish me wants to hang on....the recovering me just does not want her to suffer...no matter what!!! if we lose this battle, please God don't let her suffer.......
Sorry to hear this
The prognosis for cancer is stage and type. If you can get thst infirmation.from her then you can look it up
I.have known people who.sirvived with cancer. Basically they were down to one lung capacity.
That is hard going
My prayers are with you
Maresie
today was not so good...they took 2.2 litres of fluid out of her lung, AND its in her right lung for the most part, but there is a smaller spot on the LEFT one.......NOT what I wanted to here......stage 4 they say....not sure is it small or large cell, but its in the left lung now.....LORD give us strength......We won't know for another week
THANK you all for your prayers...she is literally existing on prayer and all the folks here and in my church, next door at our ACA site.....she thanks everyone for their prayers and kind thoughts.....
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Family)))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you from me.....HP bless you all.........and again!!! Be safe, be careful, we are all in this coronavirus crisis together.....
Hi. Im so sorry to read about this. My father was diagnosed Stage 4 lung cancer & given 4-6 months to live in February of 2018. Hes still with us with no detectable cancer. God is good. I will pray for her
Hey Maresie...its stage 4 and smaller cell??? not sure but they said uncurable and that the best they could do was "hold it off" she has oncology appt. on Friday and I guess then, they will set up when the Chemo starts....
WOW!! Crmans....that is amazing about your dad.....and YES...God IS good....I so appreciate your prayers...and welcome to Alanon...Glad you are here....this is a good place.....
In the staging of the disease they have initials to indicate whether the disease has spread. That would be T L or some other initial
The prognosis for lung cancer is not good in general. When a disease is localized that helps
Maresie
hey Maresie, as far as we KNOW, right NOW, its in the right lung, the larger tumour and the smaller one is in the left lung...as far as we know , there is no other locations....forgot the initials but it was NOT in the left lung in the beginning of this nightmare....so that is worrying....tomorrow she goes to oncologist....then I guess from there they will do plan of action.....OH!! forgot to mention!!! he R lung keeps filling up with fluid...last "drainage" produced 1.5 litres of water and doc. said cancer was feeding off the fluid.....I notice her coughing more and tiring more...I think they need to drain her again.......I got her valentine card pinned on my wall over my dresser by the restroom....I look at it and I want to yell "WHY HER????" but of course we don't know the "whys" of life..We just gotta work our programs and stick like velcro to HP
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