The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author has learned that they cannot expect their needs to be met unless they first explain what those needs are. Before program, they did not express their feelings, but expected others to read their mind. When others did not meet their needs, they ended up angry, hurt, pouting, or fuming.
Now they accept that others cannot read their mind, any more than they can read the other person's mind. They have learned to ask for what they need and encourage others to do the same. If one person cannot provide help, they can ask someone else..
Today's Reminder: Help, comfort, and support are available to me. I am willing to reach out for what I need today.
Quote from In All Our Affairs: "I cannot expect anyone to help me unless I am willing to share that I need help."
This page describes me to a T. In the past, I expected you to read my mind, and when you did not behave the way I secretly wanted you to, I became judgemental or resentful. I thought it was wrong to ask for help -- that if I did you would resent me, or think I was weak or stupid. Maybe still, at times, I need a very large sign on my wall that says "Other people cannot read my mind. It is OK to ask for what I need." Or maybe I should get it as a tattoo so I always have that reminder with me.
The program has helped me immensely with this defect. I completely understand that I am deserving, that no one can read my mind, and that when I have shared my pain I have been helped in such amazing ways. I definitely slip up at times, and forget the grace that has been shown to me. I keep working on this.
Thank you Freetime for your service and the Daily.
I learned this long ago in marriage counseling. Starting off in my marriage, I thought my spouse should be just like me... always anticipating the needs of others! I figured, I do it, why can't he? LOL! Now I know that is a sign you are a "people-pleaser" and despite the pretty name, it isn't always a good thing!
I worked on letting my needs be known in a kind way. But Addiction is selfish. It was also hidden for so many years! So I built a lot of resentments b/c my needs were ignored, forgotten, or just came in last to Addiction's needs. So sometimes, despite letting your needs and wants out in the open, they cannot be met. It is important to find out why they can't be met. Then ask yourself, "Is it healthy and appropriate to ask another for help?"
Today, I can still slip up and build resentments. The difference is that I have my Program. It helps me to "check" myself: "What expectations did you have, PNP?" "Why?" This has always helped me to see "my part."
Even though I have Joy b/c it is Friday, my thoughts swing towards Betty service, way out on the east coast... Thank you Betty, Godspeed.
Wishing all MIP members,
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Good morning MIP family - happy Friday! Thank you Freetime for your service, the daily and ESH! Thanks also Jerry for your share.
I truly (insanely) thought all people thought the same, felt the same, etc. So - it made perfect sense to me (distorted thinking) that others should know when they hurt me, annoy me, shock me, etc. Of course, they also should know what I need - right?
Pffft - what an eye-opener recovery was/is for me. Not only are we all designed to be perfectly imperfect, we are all unique in our values, beliefs, processing, etc. I've had to practice asking for what I need from others and my experience is that when I am clear in my 'ask', I am helped! It's when I am scattered and uncertain what my needs are that I am often disappointed.
So many things for me really depend upon and rely up that pause! It just gives me the space to clear my distortions, see what's in front of me and then determine what I really need and how best to meet that need. I am quite certain I was an exhausting 'huff and puff' gal who appeared a bit crazed so many times in the past - and am grateful that using our tools, I can practice a better way!
I am off to the golf course today with some gal pals - sun is shining and spring is trying to 'stay' - cooler today! May all of you find and keep your joy today and make it a great one!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks FT for your service and all above shares. {{{{Betty}}}} is of course, on my mind today as well...
I'm so grateful for this lesson I learned a while ago. How logical it seems to me now that no one can no what I need unless I tell them. And I must say I've gotten much better at asking. Now my A may disagree this is a positive change for me, but I know it is! A Pennsylvania Dutch saying is that we grow too soon old and too late smart. But I will continue to say, better late than never. Lyne
