The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just been back to Betty's facebook page, and had a little cry... ...
I spend time on my own on the MIP Steps Group... and see that Betty completed the 12 Steps last year. And she had started on Step One.
She had left a few kind words to our NA member- who had made a contribution to the Steps page.
I plan to sit in there- for a few more moths anyway- and see what happens. There may be changes- but there is plenty of time for members to consider these together.
In fact, as one of those members, I am happy to hang about until people are ready to consider this.
For me- unconditional love comes in a wrapper. And, for me, this wrapper is about boundaries. I recall the joys around gifts- especially the guessing, and the wonder about what lies underneath the wrapper.
I sense a whole heap of us wrestle and weave stuff too- around this wrapper. For lots of us, at first, we have no boundaries, or our boundaries have been wrecked and destroyed.
So it does take time- to create trust and to create bonds. ... [Well worth the wait!]
I engage with this- on a daily basis- both with others and for others- in a pretty balanced way. What I heard Joyce Meyer say once: it's about giving and getting; getting and giving.
But a lot of the time- through nightmares, and sleepwalking through life- lots of stuff is happening under the radar- we are taking baby steps in the arena of personal boundaries.
Sometimes we fall out and have to try again and again. My mum used to say "Once bitten, twice shy".
An online group has hards, and easy's.
There is no hiding, from stuff we end up saying... but then again there is a lot of scope to fix and correct things too!
I think that Betty's legacy is vastly different from John's, especially here in the Alanon group.
[However, there is a core of similarity... which we begin to see, over time... ]...
For me, a country guy, this is like a large big-city group. We all win our pride and respect here... ... and I see this and share this, with all members! ...
Thank you, David. I'm so happy that you're sitting for a while in the steps page.
unconditional love - that is something Betty offered to me, and I'm forever thankful that she was willing to walk those steps with me, fits and starts and stops and all.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Te mea tuatara- mo Peti...mo Peti ko Pita, ko Tiena, ko tana tuahine, Hoki. Haere ra ehoa... ...haere hoki ki te wa kainga, haere, haere, haere.
A final farewell, from me to Betty. Mentioning her family- and wishing her so well in the next place.
We all know, in Alanon, that there is to be no hocus-pocus or hanky-panky. But Betty taught me that there was going to be no humbug, either.
She said to me straight- "Say what you can, and mean what you say, but don't say it mean." And she was the kindest straight-up-est person I would ever care to meet.
People come into the rooms with damaged or broken boundaries, and sometimes with no boundaries, in some areas of their lives. When we start something new- we wonder- what gives here ?; what goes here?
And we can try and demonstrate this to others, as best we know how.
We don't need to be perfect. In fact; in order to learn new stuff, we do have to stuff up from time to time.
The thought that has been with me for weeks- is that I used to beat myself over the head with a brick wall!
Looking for answers.
Short, this one. I shared breath with Betty one time. In the caf. over the street from the Veterans Hospital in Lower Manhattan. This was the site of her home meeting. She showed it off with pride- and she described the group achievement with one member. There were one or two men in the meeting- and I wanted to keep coming back- to carry on the conversations we started. There was warmth and strength...
...in Ao-NZ we make a big palaver when first meeting people- and we rub noses. Speaking is usually accompanied by singing. The end is a bit more perfunctory... and parting a bit more relaxed and jocular...
e noho ra... Peti Pai... ka kite ano... rest well, Betty, until we meet again... ...
...
... [Well worth the wait!]
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