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Speaking only for myself, I am selfishly sad over the loss of Betty. I say selfishly because I wish she were still here - with me and with us. I've been sitting with my sadness and have concluded that I've got a mini battle of the will going on - my will vs. the God of my understanding's will! I will submit and waive the white flag because my heart, my faith, my program and other sound minded folks I love have suggested nothing happens by mistake, and Betty was needed in another place/space for now!
As the day has progresses, my mind went to one of many fun/funny things between Betty and I. I thought I'd open this thread to serve as our daily for tomorrow (Betty's day) and to give everyone an opportunity share a funny/memorable story to uplift us all as we grieve!
One time, we were sharing back and forth in PM and were not in agreement. This rarely happened - we usually were in agreement or the conversations were of a different type. Anyways, as PM works, one sends - one responds - time passes - etc.
Well, I can't recall exactly what the discussion was or what we disagreed upon but all of a sudden, I got a PM from Betty in all CAPS. As I do often, I paused and wondered why she was yelling at me!! The conversation hadn't been 'that way' at all so I went back and read what I last sent. It still made no sense to me why she'd be yelling in all caps, so I sent a very carefully crafted message asking if I had offended her because it seemed she was yelling at me!
She replied a bit later and said she did not even know all CAPS was yelling on the internet and that her DAMN keyboard was so screwed up, she didn't even try to correct her message after finally getting it all written down. WE laughed and laughed and laughed about this as it was a perfect example of how communications works (OR DOESN'T!!).
Betty was very kind and very generous and also had a great sense of humor. We shared many light moments and points of genuine joy/laughter - I hope you've got a share to put here and if not - I hope this brings a smile to your face as it did mine.
Love and light to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I pretty much hold tribute to all the women in Al-Anon who spent the time and effort and loving concern to hold me close and save my ass when I first got into the program. Betty like them didn't enable and used courage and honesty when participating in my recovery. She was open and honest and like the others here I honored them and the genuine love she shared. We drew close thru the memory of her son and his drag racing Camaro she told me of. I also was a fan of that car and then Betty as I told her that one had pulled up next to me in traffic and turned me on as much as it would have her.
This morning my Higher Power reminded me that I was abided with while thinking of Betty. My wife and I were going home from a breakfast. I ride shotgun and was thinking of Betty. My wife stopped at a sign and while looking out at the morning sunlight a hawk flew to a landing just above my head at the side of the road. The hawk for me is a kinolau; in Hawaiian a body form of God and as sign that HP is attending my thoughts, feelings and actions. I made my acknowledgement and continued on to home. What I acknowledged was in my language the presence of Na Aumakua the beloved and important people who have guided me in my life. Such is Betty...Na Aumakua and ka makana o ka lani...a heavenly gift.
Akua with Betty will continue to abide with us. ((((hugs))))
When I first came here I was a "BALL" of anger...I mean a little flaming, red, raging anger....Betty AND John kinda took me under their wings, and when John would "suspend" me to punish me, Betty would comfort me behind the scenes and "school" me with her loving yet no BS approach as to what I needed to work on....AND she would make sure, I got back in the board, LOL....I wanted to bad to please her and so sometimes i would get frustrated with me because in some areas, my growth was, to me, too slow...Betty knew how to "reign me in" and get me to slow down., one thing at a time, and all that....Gosh, the patience and love she gave to me w/out reservation, I shall never forget....I remember right before John's passing, we spoke and he told me how much he loved my spirit and ME as a person and that he was leaving me to good hands----Bettys
I'll never forget him and now her....both BIG time losses.....
Betty's leaving me is even worse....Like I could always go to her with my weird stuff and she just guided me in the right direction...I wanted more than anything to make her proud and I know she was because I had a really crappy life event happen that I shared about on the board, and subsequent posts and she would get with me in private and tell me how much i have grown and now I can inspire others....to me?? Her approval was golden...
Ever so faithful to the ones she loved..Ever so honest and true yet loving and kind when she had to "school" you about something (and I got schooled a LOT) ....Ever so encouraging and kind to the newbies...Ever so diligent about being here, sharing the dailies and ALWAYS finding time to ESH a post, especially when the person was in pain...Ever the example of principles over personalities....Ever so fair as you never knew if she "didn't care for someone" because she responded to EVERYONE's posts....Ever so diligent......And------Ever so beautiful...Inside and out...
i can recall the caps betty would send to,i to thought she was screamimg at me ,lol,i always just changed the subject ,lol.did ask her 1 time about the caps she said her keyboard messing up.
betty was all so pateint with me ,when i didnt belive in myself or issues with trust she never never let me down ,she beived in me when i didnt believe in me,
when she say she was gonna send something through physical mail she did ,always on time never late with anything.
she always had great compassion ,even when i was struggling with my brother that lived with me,she kept compassion and cared for my addict brother when i could not,,she helped me alot with him,ill never forget,how pateint she was with me and my foo.
i texted her right after she had left her message on board for us to pray for her,,i never got a reply back ,her memories will always remain here and all throughout the board for she has left a special imprint upon us all ,she was like a 2nd mother to me id tell her from beginning when she agreed to sponsor me ,
she always lit a candle for me n my brother.along with hp seems things always come out better.
she will be forever in our hearts and minds ...............she lived her life to its fullest,,she was my mentor...
I saw a troupe of performing ice skaters on their lunch break between shows once. They were blonds, mostly, and had that healthy glow from getting lots of exercise and were good looking and nicely made-up.
And Betty had that look. So I decided she must have been a Radio City Music Hall Rockette. She assured me she had not been, but did own up to doing Yoga faithfully. So that was it! That and being a New York City woman.
But I would still tease her from time to time about her dancing days. And about her handsome Pirate.
I loved seeing pictures on the website of Stephen, when he was a child, and of Betty and Stephen all dressed up--going out to the Opera, I was sure.
I can't think of New York City without picturing her there.
She blessed us all, and graced the board.
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
I have known three Bettys in my 59 years, and they all have strikingly similar qualities....
My mom - one of the kindest, gentlest, strongest, consistent, and supportive souls I have ever been blessed to know & love....
My counsellor - one of the small subset of professionals who really understood me, and therefore I let her in further to this messy brain/heart than others before her....
And MIP Betty - never got to meet her in person, but we certainly knew each other, and offered each other emotional support and friendship during many years together on this site....
Hmmm - Bettys are batting 1.000 in my books
RIP Betty - you will be missed
hugs,
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
There are less than a handful of people I've met in this life who I have an enduring respect for.
Respect inside myself means I genuinely care what this person would think of an action I take or a decision I make. Betty was one of those people who had and will always have that part of me. She was wise and kind and lived courageously to the abiding honour of our programme principles.
She taught me so much. I'm so very grateful for the life experiences she shared with me. I took and even today I still take, courage from them.
I'm so sad she's gone but I'm so glad I met her.
One of a kind, beautiful lady. Thank you for this thread IAH. It's fitting that there should be a place and space on this board to remember one who gave so much unconditional love through service here at MIP. Our dear Betty AKA Hotrod. Always remembered <3
You know what was amazing about her....as a moderator, she really did an awesome job...no matter WHO it was and how perhaps obnoxious they could be, LOL, she NEVER ignored anyone who was hurting or needing support or whatever..It didn't matter if she "liked" them or not..She always taught me..PRINCIPLES over PERSONALITIES....It took me a while to see the meaning of that...the P over P was huge to her...She set aside her personal feelings on the poster and just read the post and responded..You never felt like you didn't matter with her here....
When I got elected as co-moderator "next door" I didn't think I could do the job, but Betty got ahold of me and straightened me out real quick...I did go to her for ESH on occasion and she never dissed me or made me feel anything but doing a good job...I loved it when she would "visit" us..and she was generous with the "good job" if you were doing a good job....I could go on and on about her...She was just totally, 10000% AWESOME
She was the glue to this place...I can just see her telling the angels, "easy does it" if they are rushing around, LOL.....and oh yea, someone mentioned the "all caps" when she had to straighten you out, I saw them a FEW times in our exchanges, LOL
ALL the great things she taught me, now I have to "run with them" and share them with new ones coming into programme..The best way I can thank her for her wonderful influence on my life, growth, "sticking with me even when I hate me" and just plain perseverance and trusting in HP and program principles is to pay all that forward..
I was MIA from this board for a while and she often checked up on me..She understood, I needed to cling to whatever and whomever could help me cope...Had a LOT of bad stuff happen this past couple of years and it was getting me down, isolating and feeling like giving up...She regularly checked up on me and encouraged me to keep doing steps 1,2,3, that this too would pass if I did not resist and give to HP......She helped me through some really really horrible times...
(((Tom))) - that's super cool that all the 'Bettys' in your life have had similar energy/love/etc. I can't think of any other 'Bettys' in my life - will have to ponder that.
What I loved so much about my relationship with Betty is we preferred to live in the solution. When/if I 'slipped' and began living in the problem(s), she'd gently with tons of unconditional love (and a bit of humor) remind me that my personal strength comes from living in the solution. Betty's partner was hospitalized close to the fall/winter holiday season and we shared a bit about being 'nurses'. We chuckled together that we did not do this 'well' - trying to be o service to another who can't do for themselves medically!
Betty truly believed in allowing her HP to lead her to solutions. I too loved when she shared her memorial sight to her son Stephen. I woke up today feeling extremely grateful that she was a part of my life, my recovery, the solution, MIP and so much more. There is no doubt my life and program are way better with her being a part of....
I do ask all to consider former/non-current members of MIP who don't post here any longer. If you have a way to reach out to them and share, feel free to do so. I've done so for a few that have stepped away as I thought/felt they would want to know. Obviously just a suggestion and as always, take what you like and leave the rest!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Iamhere for starting this thread!
What a beautiful tribute!
I don't have any funny stories to share. But I was always impressed and uplifted by her dedication to the Steps Board. Her responses to those who shared their innermost thoughts there were always supportive. She was a light on this site that will be sorely missed... but obviously, never forgotten!
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Awesome share CG. I've never marked the Bettys thru my life with the exception of our MIP version...I'm still sniveling . Evidently she occupies a part of my heart. ((((Betty))))
I didn't know Betty as well or as long as some, but I feel blessed by having had the opportunity to experience the wisdom and grace she showed us here. Always kind and to-the-point with program experience.
The most important thing I think I learned from Betty was that it is possible to survive the unsurvivable -- the loss of a child -- and come out of it with serenity, and to use the experience generously to help others.
Love this :) I didn't interact much with Betty over PM however I enjoyed her shares and caught a couple times her board must have gotten stuck .. thanks for the shares guys and gals .. it's always so good to hear these.
:)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I thought I would share about the personal side of Betty I got to know. She loved the opera and always had a subscription to The Metropolitan Opera. Opera buffs dont mind seeing the same operas multiple times, like The Magic Flute. My spouse also likes opera, so we would occasionally critique the new, old, and re-made performances we saw.
Betty was a Giants fan. Never missed a game at least on tv. One year I bought her a Giants shirt and then she would wear it for good luck for her team.
And Bettty enjoyed going to the Renaissance Faire in upstate NY. Its on my way to my condo near my sons home, where I now spend half of each week. So I have the opportunity to think of Betty twice a week when I pass it on my journey. I will picture her in her Renaissance clothes enjoying the sights and sounds of the Middle Ages....Lyne
Thank you.so much.for sharing the personal side of Betty ..
One thing that also came across a great bv deal was she loved New York. She lived on the Lower East side which is a diverse neighborhood. I would say it is a very challenging neighborhood. Obviously Betty made that work too
That is the challenge of my life. I am very far from where I was when Betty met me but.my life is still incredibly challenging
Sometimes I feel I overwhelmed by the challenge
Betty was overwhelmed at times around issues with her son's untimely death
But she rose to.most challenges including that one
I dont rise to the challenges. In fact I think I practically drown in them
.maresie
(((Lyne))) - thank you for sharing about Betty! I am glad that you gave the visual of Betty in her Renaissance clothes - that just adds another lovely, smiling visual 'aid' to my memories of her. I've got you in my thoughts and prayers - what a gift to have known her, met her, worked with her, recovered with her, etc. I love that you are sharing what you can/decide to, when you can/decide to - your shares are healing for me and I hope they provide you some comfort as well.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks to all above who have shared, great memories all...Betty was special, I'm so glad to have benefited from her program in action on the boards. She will be missed, but her spirit and contribution will live on...Betty, please rest in peace
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I haven't been on the board much and I am so shocked to see that she is no longer with us. Betty was such a bright light who helped everyone she touched. She always had something wise and insightful to impart on me in my posts. She was patient, caring and accepting. When I think of this board I think of her the most. She will be missed.
Its hard to imagine MIP without Betty. She was always without exception one of the first people to respond with sage wisdom and guidance.
Her gentle, kind manner was like a balm to my weary soul when I first arrived here approx. 5 years ago.
I have known one other Betty in my life and she was my children's babysitter for many years, also an extremely kind, giving person so I hold fond memories of the name Betty.
What a fine example she demonstrated of giving back and placing principles above personalities. . You will be sorely missed here Betty.
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