The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading deals with the idea of perfectionism. The writer describes work as a seamstress and how before Alanon, she would discard any work that had imperfections. She would not wear the clothing she made, and if anyone ever complimented her work, her instinct was to point out any thing that was not perfect about it. She goes on to say that the tools of the program have helped her to try new ideas in sewing, even enjoying when things do not come out as she had expected. Like her sewing, she began to accept the imperfections in herself as well. She no longer criticizes herself as a habit, and has learned to celebrate her imperfections as part of being human.
This reading reminds me of a class I taught a few weeks ago. Third graders who were pouncing all over one another in order to correct any mistakes they heard throughout the music class. They couldnt wait to tell on one another, highlighting mistakes. I stopped everything and said- this just in! We are a roomful if humans doing what we do best make mistakes! Welcome to being human! For me, pre criticism isnt so much an issue as rumination after the fact. A conversation, a meeting, any given scenario can find me mulling over what I might have said or done differently. What I am learning is, I dont have that kind of power! Remembering that our imperfections actually bring us closer to one another is a helpful tool:)
Good morning Mary - thank you for your service, the daily and your ESH/share. Happy Sunday to you too!
That inner desire to want perfection in self, others, and life in general not only wore me out! For me and my recovery, I had to relearn many, many things - for this topic, I needed to learn the difference between my level of effort/doing my best and expecting perfection. In order or me to learn for growth, I had to practice being open to learning and change. In order for me to be open, I had to believe a trust a power greater than me! This all seemed very logical and so I began my journey - still stumbling at times with perfection vs. progress...
What I believe today, after a few 24 hours in recovery is that I am one of many humans on 'this journey'. There is a master planner and a master plan, and I am not the planner nor do I get to see the plan. My role is to show up each day, do the next right things and trust that what 'is' is exactly what should be.
It's helpful for me to embrace and accept that I was not designed to be perfect; I was designed to be perfectly imperfect. I could embrace and accept this through my recovery work and step work - it took me even longer to make the connection of this concept in others. A part of 'me' wanted others to practice my values and my ideals and I had to pause often to remember they were also designed to be perfectly imperfect, and unique in their own way!
I can still tackle a task, problem, project, other with the 'mindset' of perfection! I can also use my tools and quickly redirect myself to doing my best and enjoying the journey. Changing my words and thoughts from, "I have to ........................." to "I get to ......................" helps! I am most serene when I can just do the next right thing and embrace, even celebrate all others as they are, all of us flawed as designed.
I am off to a meeting shortly and then off to golf! Enjoy your day all - love and light!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Mary for your service and for both sets of ESH. What a relief it is not to have to be perfect! I never could be, and therefore just saw myself as a tremendously flawed person who couldnt do anything right. When my sponsor had me think about making amends to myself, that was a totally new way of thinking for me. Progress not perfection, the only way to go. Lyne
This is the perfect reading for ME! As I read it, I kept chuckling... saying to myself, "Yup, that's me!"
I must say, there was a time when even reading this, knowing that I couldn't "DO" recovery perfectly made me see myself as "Less Than."
It took a real hot minute for me to realize that I was short-changing myself in this process!
Like Iamhere, I am embracing reforming my terminology: "I GET TO" rather than "I have to."
I am also learning to tell myself, "Well, that (whatever it was) didn't turn out perfectly, but IT IS OK TO NOT BE PERFECT.
Sometimes, it is hard to believe that one statement is such a HUGE thing for me to say and ACCEPT.
It poured all day yesterday, so I didn't get to enjoy the outdoors. Today I will be puttering around in my yard/garden. I need the calming of getting my feet on the soil, as I had my taxes done yesterday, and this is the first time in my life I am going to have to PAY (despite having the most taken out of each check)!! To say I was shocked was an understatement!
But I must say, I only stayed in the realm of FEAR for a very short time. Usually, it would've derailed me for days and days!! I told myself that my HP would help me find a way to come up with the money - and I actually BELIEVED IT!!!
THAT is progress my MIP friends!
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
The 2 generations behind me [as i saw it] had a massive double standard- where they expected high achievement [or seemed to] but did not seem to measure up to it themselves.
The Victorian and Edwardian values- that also gave us half a century of war.
Not really up on Progress not perfection, at the moment... I used to think- "expect perfection, but settle for a little less."
Over the weekend I cycled around a fair bit- keeping fit and checking up on the surroundings. Our schools have their mottos emblazoned all over the place- in Maori and English... ...when I went to school here it was "Deserve Success".
For me, at the moment- living in a world of thoughts and ideas, is still a real luxury. I appreciate it highly. ...
& 
Thanks, Mary, IAm, Lyne and P. 
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