The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author shares their experience with the 4th step. When the author wrote their 4th step inventory, they carried a notebook around with them so that they wouldn't eave anything out. The author had the notebook nearby, day and night, and in this way, discovered their first defect - obsession. In fact, the author was even still writing their 4th step inventory 15 minutes before taking the 5th step!
Through sharing their inventory, the author found clarity about their behavior - the author's behavior mirrored the behavior of the alcoholic. The difference was that our author engaged in that behavior sober. The author discovered how much they blamed other people for the events of their life, how much they took everything personally, and how much their reactions to the alcoholic were dictated by fear.
After taking the 5th step, the author expected life to be different, but the only change they noticed was that they were exhausted. But, little by little, they noticed their reactions to situations described in the 4th step changing, being less extreme. When some things that had previously bothered the author terribly no longer mattered, that's when the author knew they were changing.
Today's Reminder: I am learning "the nature of my nature" through the 12 steps. I trust that I will uncover what I need to know for now, and leave the rest for another time. I am worth learning about.
Today's Quote: "When we take step 5 ... we demonstrate a willingness to change.
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The thing that stands out to me in today's reading is the author's illustration of how much we benefit from AlAnon when we are patient, and let the program work at its own pace. I was in such a rush to make things better when I got to AlAnon, the waiting around for the program to work part was a real challenge for me. I wanted to takle the steps right away, in order, ideally in a day. I really see the value of taking my time with them, slowing down, and being patient. Like today's author, I didn't see an immediate change in my life when I completed step 4 and moved on to step 5. I didn't see an immediate change in my life when I had finished all 12 steps. But I did notice small changes in my attitude, small changes in my approach to situations. Today, I'm grateful that I forced myself to take on my character flaw of impatience, so I stuck around long enough to see the magic the program is working in my life. I think it's kind of like a snowball. At first, no matter how hard I worked, the impact of rolling that snowball around wasn't very visible. But with time, care, program work, and patience, my snowball grew, and now when I roll it, the impact is huge. (We just had perfect snowman-making snow this week, I've spent a lot of time shoveling, lol!) I am reminded every day, multiple time a day, how my reactions are different, how I am more stable and balanced, how much I benefit from showing up and being open.
I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service. Ive come to believe that if I cant see myself in a realistic way, I wont be able to change. By taking step 4, which Ive done several times, I can see how I harmed others (and myself). For a very long time, I was just focused on my A and how I was hurt in so many ways. Its so easy to focus on others, and its been a huge life lesson to learn to focus on me. I love the steps because they are a blueprint for my life, and through them I am becoming a much better person. Lyne
Thank you Skorpi for your service and both of you for your experiences!
I loved the visual of my program being like a snowball!
I too, am learning "the nature of my nature!"
Hump day y'all! To celebrate the most ordinary day of the week, choose to do one kind thing today... even if it is just a smile. Let's spread kindness!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I wouldn't say I was focused on others. I belue I was fused with others. I am was obsessed by the time I got to al.anon. Now I have to be extremely careful in being around alcoholics. I tend to overvreact to them
But then we have to be reasonable. My younger sister is a functional alcoholic. Her life is still pretty chaotic.
Being around chaotic situations is wearing
For me self care is critical. I have another 40 something days un the situation I am in staying with my friend. When I first got here I felt the effect of staying with him because I was physically ill. Now I have recovered there is still some effect but I am able to detach far more
I have a high tolerance around dysfunctional individuals Now I am more boundaried.
Boundaries still do not protect me 100%
The same goes with my.jobs. There are dysfunctional people there. For the time being those ars my jobs. I work really hard on being more boundaries every day
I have visions and plans for a better life 4p something days from now I will be back in my.aoartment. Having a home will help
Maresie
When our local Alanon was meeting we had a lot of younger members. One suggested that she was there to complete a six week course! Then there are those of us, for which Alanon is a life-time journey.
I have this hunch- that the earlier and younger we get into Alanon, and/or therapy the easier it will be. That if we lived in a world where the clinicians understood addiction, especially addiction to alcohol, the world would be a better place!
Then there is that older "joke"... ...that an alcoholic is a person who drinks more than their doctor!
Going through the readers- ODAT, C2C and H4T, in the middle years I was still numbing with dissociation. Not only had my picker been broken- I was just broken, period.
So a careful study of the readers, is a great boon to me today.
I pick up a lot- heaps from the ESH I "hear" in this group...
...this year I wanted to move past the steps, somewhat and focus on Tradition 5.
On idea that my HP was giving me was that I was beating myself over the head with a brick wall. My capacity to learn and pick up after mistakes- was very limited. I tended to self sabotage a lot... not knowing why.
And, yet- my survival abilities were good. And some great things had been achieved.
Living with alcoholism means we have limited boundaries, or bust ones- and we are not fully aware of this. This has become our norm, our reality.
Inside the rooms, where ever they are, we can learn boundaries, because we are all in the same boat. Step one tells us this. Steps two and three give us a chance to consider our belief system- and begin to develop one which will meet our needs and hopefully promote healing.
I actually believe that we could do steps 1,2, and 3 in smaller groups- and consider the role of a sponsor for Step 4 onwards.
Coming in out of the fog we need to identify, and to realise that we are not alone, any more.
I sometimes wonder, if I have done the steps properly. I think this is normal.
I think Step 10 can pick up any of the pieces.
I am not expecting to need Step 1 again... because I can no longer see a crisis looming. I see life issues; which are unavoidable. Health issues, family issues...
...but these are issues, that can be dealt with, and not looming crises.
It does seem to take forever. Maybe that is that old sense of hopelessness, lifting??? The mind grows and even has muscles, in my world. It has been through lots! It is strong and becoming resilient.
I see people, and groups, struggling through the middle steps. This group here, MIP seems like a big city group- with diverse experiences, and multiple perspectives- which i see as a great strength.
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I can relate to the writer's share - without realizing it, from a lifetime of practice, I had that 'perfect' gene in me. I really, really wanted to do the 'best most perfect' 4th step ever, so I could move on, relieve the pain, obsession, etc. And - like the author, I discovered it doesn't work that way! For me to be able to practice unconditional acceptance of all others, I first had to practice unconditional acceptance of me. And, I am not perfect, I don't do things perfect, there is no perfect program, perfect day, perfect life, perfect marriage, etc. Instead, there are messes all around me, and the true measure of success, for me, as a result of recovery is being level and serene no matter what is going on around me or what anyone else is doing/saying/not doing/saying.
My first 4th step revealed patterns in me of obsession, black/white, right/wrong thinking, emotional reacting and a lack of authenticity and tons of fear. These are just a few, but the main ones. What I was asked to consider was opposite behaviors for these thinking/patterns. It took many redirects by my sponsor and self (in time) to learn new skills/tools to affect change in me. As I've continued working on me, with the steps and other tools, I do believe that more is revealed when we are able/ready to 'see it' - whatever 'it' is...
It is through the continued inventory process that I came to fully understand, accept and embrace that Alcoholism is a disease, and we are as affected (insane) as the A. Until I could honestly embrace how deeply I was affected, and what part I played, I found comfort in throwing blame and shame at the diseased, the disease and circumstances. Today, I see things differently and have no use/reason to blame anyone for anything - owning my part and being willing/open to change + letting go of the past = authenticity and serenity, one day at a time.
I love both the quote and the reminder of this day's reading! Golden....Happy Hump Day all - had an unexpected, unplanned golf outing today with a nephew who's just returned to AA. We spent the day playing - not program - and it was light, fun and just what I needed. I spent the morning driving a friend to a post surgery follow-up to be her extra ears for post operative instructions. A full day with some service, some fellowship, some golf - I'm a tired girl as it was Cart Path Only!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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Thanks Skorpi, and y'all... 