So after several serious this time attempts at sobriety and the revolving door of living out and back in, my AH was told he cant be here. Its different this time because he was actually sober when he was asked to leave. It was the alcoholic rage that made me realize this isnt okay. He knows just what to do so he doesnt end up in that place of withdrawal and rage but chooses not to do it. The same choice means he is committing not to drink. Are the two related? Not mine to wonder about. This time the mood swing into irrational behavior and violent outburst of property destruction happened when he was alone with our daughter. I had it in my head, if hes not drinking he is safe. I always put the unacceptable behavior with the drinking. Mistake. He frightened my daughter enough for her to call me home and I asked him to leave. He came back today sober and ready to plug back in as though this is the next part of some agreement. I explained this cant be. I told him, he needs to go do what he will, drink, not drink whatever. Maybe one day if he chooses to achieve a meaningful sobriety things will be different but they cant be like this anymore. Being subject to the kind of fear she felt (the awful fear I felt rushing home to my daughter), is what messes kids up. I am here to raise my daughter in a safe and loving environment. It cannot include the psychological abuse of his rage around wanting to drink. He tried to say our little dogs caused his behavior not even seeing, people dont rage and destroy property when their dogs dont behave. Maybe he sees clearly through his excuses he hands me. Again, not mine to wonder. Anyway, it still feels yucky when someone says ill do the right thing now and have to turn them out. Ive always wanted to believe him. Ive always wanted to cheer for him. I cant repeat the past cycle anymore, not now that hes impacted our daughter the way he has. I would be hurting her by allowing him to fool me any longer and I wont do that. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Add to that the fact that alcoholism always changes. It gets worse. Each time you think youve managed it, the disease wins. Hes had his chances and made his choices. Now ive made mine. Its sad this is what was necessary but you work with what you have. Now its time to make a nice day for me and my girl. Working with what I have there is a ton and a pleasure. For this I am always grateful.