The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 1/27, speaks about alternatives to over-reacting, being a martyr, focusing on being disrespected, and trying to solve everything all at once. The writer talks about learning to take things at face value, and deal with one situation at a time.
Reminder: Why do I allow myself to suffer, to blow small things out of proportion? I can break a situation down to a more manageable size by taking it one day at a time.
Quote: The whole purpose of alanon is to help us iron out the rough spots in our living, and that can be done only one day at a time.
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I remember being new to program and seeing those slogans placed all around my meeting room. One day at a time seemed ridiculous and/or silly to me. How was that supposed to help me with my out of control alcoholic, and my devastation due to it?
Well over time I realized that I wanted everything to change NOW: the drinking, lying, driving while drunk, etc. And with that realization was that nothing I could do was going to change the A now. I learned that I needed to take a long look at myself, slow my thinking and expectations down, and focus on one priorityme. I not only learned the value of ODAT, but I could also take one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time. And by practicing this simple tool, life did become more manageable. I needed time to heal and learn things. And it works! Lyne
Thanks Lyne for the daily, your service and ESH. I must confess that the slogans made my eyes roll....I felt most, if not all, were silly and I too could not begin to see how any of them would be helpful to my chaotic life. It was my sponsor that really helped me with One Day at a Time - I would go and project and carry on about all that was going on, and she would simply say things like, 'It's Sunday evening @ xx:xx and what are you doing?' I would pause, maybe respond sitting on my couch and talking on the phone to you. She would consistently tell me that in the right here/right now, I was OK and she was right. My insane thinking and inability to be present really did turn ant hills into mountains, that I 'needed' to climb right now!!
We talk often about the disease of alcoholism including selfishness. For me, I really did want what I wanted when I wanted - NOW! Of course, with this mindset comes the ego in me thinking I know best for me and all around me. What I've come to learn in recovery is I have what I need, and it's usually my 'wants' that get me into trouble, either trying to change the past or future-tripping. When I can live One Day at a Time, things are so, so much better!
I am grateful that I can better be present and see what is vs. what I want 'it' to be. Slowing my mind down, being present and trusting my HP and this program has given me a freedom I didn't know I could have and pure, genuine joy. An attitude of gratitude helps me greatly!
Happy Monday MIP family (one day/evening early)! Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks so much for this morning's reading and your share. Like hotrod, I wasn't a big fan of the slogans. In fact, it annoyed me when I was a newcomer and ranting after a meeting about my problems and and the Alanon member would answer me with a slogan "Easy does it," One day at a time." If I'm going to be totally honest here, I just wanted to smack them. I wanted concrete answers to how I could get the alcoholic in my life to straighten themself out.
Now, I love the slogans because I've he as heard them connected to so many life situations by members in the rooms and how relevant a little phase like One Day at a Time or Easy Does It as a reminder can be for self focus and self care.
When I was was new, I believed the mere quoting of a slogan was the key to feeling better instantly so naturally I was disappointed. Deeper understanding from attending meetings, reading our CAL literature, listening to other sharer has helped to enrich my knowledge in how to apply these little phases.
We who enter the rooms of Alanon share the common problem of alcoholism touching our lives on a very personal level but we are each unique with our own perspective and own way of working our Alanon recovery. With that, I'm grateful to others who show me how they've applied a slogan in their life that would simply not occurred to me. I can add that to my Alanon treasure. I can give it a try in the future. "Listen and Learn." That's a good slogan for my recovery. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
As you all well know, I LOVE The Daily! It is but one tool in my Al-Anon toolbox... but one that I constantly reach for. So I truly appreciate the service.
I chuckled at Betty's response. Probably b/c I too, have discarded my crown! LOL!
I never realized that I was playing the martyr, nor that I was reacting instead of choosing the next right step. I knew darn well that I was a "fixer/manager" and worked damn hard on smoothing everything out... on being the best "wife/mother/worker/friend/volunteer"... you get the idea - hence the chuckle of acknowledgement from me when I read about "discarding your crown."
Due to being open to trying a different approach, to "working" this program even when I had zero faith that it would truly help, I can now safely say that many old traits have fallen by the wayside. Perfectionism and taking things said too personally I can still struggle with, so I keep working on it/me.
I really personally identified with tired's share. I wanted concrete answers (found out sometimes there just aren't any), and I thought the slogans were inane sentences that some people spewed out there willy-nilly, which I couldn't see could help me (found out just b/c I couldn't see it, doesn't make it less valid or ineffective!). I agree... deeper understanding of the disease of addiction and this program helped me to understand just how a "simple" slogan/sentence can affect my life positively!!
I am grateful as well to those who bravely put their stories out there... who shared how they handled a situation, or how they use a particular slogan/tool to help them heal. Each day I practice the 'Attitude of Gratitude.' Gets my day started in the right frame of mind!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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