The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for January 24 is about honesty with ourselves. The author has been tempted in the past to smile, make excuses, cancel plans, not make waves -- all in an attempt to please another person. Now, they dare to be their authentic self They will not pretend about their real feelings or about what they truly want. Al-Anon does not dictate how to behave or how to feel. It encourages us to look honestly at our feelings, motives, and actions. The author says, I can only learn to love myself if I am willing to learn who I am.
Today's reminder: I have a right to want what I want and to feel the way I feel. I may not choose to act on those feelings or desires, but I won't hide them from myself. They are part of me.
What? I actually have a right to my own desires and feelings? What a concept!
In a large part of my life, I did not think my wishes mattered -- it was all about doing what other people wished, so I would be approved, accepted, and loved. If you asked me what I thought about something, I would tell you what my relationship partner thought about that. I thought I was a blank slate, and that what I meant was written by other people. This trait had some short-term benefits, but it didn't help me in the long run, especially not in challenging situations such as living with alcoholism. The Al-Anon program has been a key component in understanding, accepting, and appreciating myself and my validity. Let it begin with me: I am worth it.
Good morning MIP! Thank you Freetime for your service, the daily and your ESH. Thank you Debb also for your share and ESH. I arrived to recovery in a mental state where I felt numb. Living with the insanity this disease causes had me feeling perpetually anxious, worried and reactive in most affairs. I've always been a planner, and each day BR felt like a failure as it never went as 'planned'.
It took me time to be able to really determine what I was feeling. My go-to reaction was anger - for sadness, worry, fear, etc. Most of the time, as I began the journey of looking at me, I was not really even mad - it had just become my go-to. Today, I do all that I can to start my day with peace and joy, with the ultimate goal of keeping centered as best I can.
I know today that whatever I am feeling, it is OK. I have full right to my feelings, yet also have many tools to hopefully express them or respond in a healthier manner. I kind of laugh at the me BR - I would always answer Fine when asked how I was - often with a terse angry voice or follow up the 'fine' with a monologue of how screwed up all the people around me were!
I am grateful today that I can be authentic - it's a much more comfortable way to live. I am grateful for Al-Anon and MIP! Happy Friday all - it's a snow day here. As much as I don't like to drive or go out and about in this weather, the trees are absolutely beautiful - covered in snow, pure, pristine and moving with a slight breeze!
Make it a great day all - find and keep your joy!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Free, for your service and the daily. I appreciate reading all who share their ESH!
I never really knew how much of my life (or myself!) I had given away because I am a "people-pleaser," until I worked my second 4th Step!
This right here was/is me: "In a large part of my life, I did not think my wishes mattered -- it was all about doing what other people wished, so I would be approved, accepted, and loved."
All the while having underlying anger about it (although unbeknownst to me at the time), which made me bitter and resentful! My face you would see, if you looked up the word, "Fine." I would plaster a smile on my face and utter that word to anyone who asked about me. I was anything but "Fine!" I just realized I channeled Yoda there! LOL!
This Al-Anon "journey" has really been about who I really am, and how to live my best, authentic life. It is a process that seems to be ever-evolving!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Lovely reading Freetime, and gr8 shares, Debb and IAm...
I had to tip-toe around the A. in my formative years- and all the responses became second nature. I used to say about my SO- that she is like an eight year old; and a 3 year old when angry. The A. in my world was always like a three year old.
Latterly I have made peace with my SO, because i have been able to make peace with myself. The woeful destruction within the family was far less with our kids. But none the less there is stuff i need to address- in a caring courageous way. And in a relaxed way.
These readings- are deeply concentrated for me- because they are readings. I have heard or read most before... but they all had not sunk in. Thanks for the time, and the share... ...
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