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Good morning MIP! Today's reading discusses the slogan and topic of 'Think'. The author suggests there was a time when a thought entering the mind automatically came out of the mouth! The writer suggests that they've learned to 'think' before speaking.
Great list to consider:
When I'm tempted to respond to angry accusations with accusations of my own
When I have an urge to betray a confidence, to gossip, or to tell something extremely personal to a total stranger
When my opinion about another person's business has not been requested
To all, I stop and Think is the suggested recovery tool.
The writer suggests choices flow more easily when this slogan is used. We may decide to say nothing, we may choose a more tactful way to proceed, or question if we really mean what we're thinking. We may decide this is not the place to discuss or we may decide to speak up in a very direct manner. Most important, no matter what choice is made, the writer is willing to accept the consequences of actions.
Reminder: Today I will let my words serve my best interests. I will choose them with care.
Quote from Louis Armstrong -- "I don't let my mouth say nothin' my head can't stand."
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I had no filter so can relate to this daily. I was sharp tongued and more than willing to take inventory of another and respond to others in kind. I was not one to stop and think, instead feeling like a warrior in battle, living in a perpetual state of reaction to 'life'.
Today, far from perfect, I see progress in pausing to consider my response. This is not limited to the A(s) in my life but rather all my affairs. I am more likely today to let an aggressive driver do their thing than in the past and to let my A spew their words without responding. I am more likely to 'see' that how another is acting, speaking, behaving really isn't about me and pray for them instead of participating in the chaos/drama.
In my home, things have greatly improved. What has changed is me. I value me much more than before, and just choose to stay removed from insanity as much as possible. Stopping to think about my response computes to Pause, Pray, then Proceed in my program, yet another tool for which I am grateful!
Happy Thursday all - cold here with more weather headed our way tonight/tomorrow! Find and keep your joy...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
hI iah i LOVE THIS REMINDER R i KNOW PRIOR TO PROGRAM I ALWAYS SAID WHAT CAME TO MIND, TELLING MYSELF . I WAS BEING HONEST. TODAY I REMIND MYSELF TO NOT REACT AND ''THINK "BEFORE I SPEAK AND WHAT A DIFFERENCE
IAH, your C2C reading today most certainly resonates with me as well.
I thought that I had to defend myself at all cost, when the AH went into his tirades and attacked me personally. I learned very quickly that those defense mechanisms were unnecessary because, the insults were coming from the disease in order to perpetuate itself and when I defended myself I was just living in the chaos and drama.
Al Anon taught me to look at alcoholism for what it is, to understand my motives, to accept and to surrender so that I could work on being a better and more serene person.
Thinking first before you speak and not reacting immediately has, like you, helped me become a much more calm and tolerant person in all facets of my life, not just in our home.
I definitely speak up when necessary, but in a much more thoughtful and tactful way, because I do not feel the need to defend myself.
I feel that it if one truly gets the surrender part, there is no need to dominate and that there is always room for growth and understand of each other and ourselves.
I know now that what may seem out of control really is not, because it starts with me!
Thank you for your service {{HUGS}}
-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 01:22:33 PM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thanks iamhere for your service and share. Have read lots of great reminders in these shares and look forward to reading more tools people use in relation to this topic. When I was new to Alanon, I felt a lot of irritability due to not knowing how to say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean. I had the "poor me" attitude and a feeling of hopelessness. I got mileage out of feeling righteously indignant and victimized by another's words or actions. I felt a sense of entitlement in reacting in unhealthy ways be it words, actions or toxic thinking. "Oh everyone is against me! They just don't know what I'm going through. I don't have to take that from anyone etc. etc." The natural response from others was to detach if they were in the program avoid me if they they weren't in recovery. And of course this allowed me to blame others for the self imposed isolation. It wasn't until I truly became interested in working the steps that there was any change in my interactions with others. My inner turmoil and fears lessened as I allowed myself to be vulnerable and share them with others in Alanon. Little by little empowerment replaced powerlessness over my own words and actions. The only excuse for past behavior was lack of recovery. I made conscious choice to choose recovery and became accountable to a loving higher power. Instead of calling you out, I began to call myself out and admit "the exact nature of my wrongs." I still make amends in this way today.
My acceptance of others and myself as we are and desire to hold onto my serenity is a big focus for me daily. It's not my job to regulate anyone but myself. THINK is an ideal slogan for doing just that. It's sort of the rules of engagement for me concerning my interactions with others - Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, Kind. I typically lead with Necessary. Is it? Necessary causes me to consider whether to respond, initiate, participate at all. One of my favorite slogans is "How Important is It?" It's been serenity saver more times than I can tell you. Keeping my serenity has become a way of life and I place great value on it. Living the program, using our readings to gain insights, asking for help from my hp and that hp speaking to me through sharings of others in Alanon have all been useful raising awareness of my progress and as to what I still need to work toward positive change within myself.
When I initially found Alanon I learned I had been reacting vs responding to people, places and things due to a learned helplessness borne of dependency on others rather than a hp and myself and unreasonable expectations about how my life should look. Much of this was based in fantasy and illusion - comparing others outsides to my insides, coming up short and holding others choices rather than my own choices as the reason for my unhappiness. Today life is about staying present,consciously living, self care (physical, emotional and spiritual) There's much more turning the finger inward and openness to see the gifts of others rather than shortcomings. I have my own. I know my personal boundaries and utilize then from situation to situation and honor the same in others. Every day that I offer others the same dignity and respect that I would like afforded to me is a more serene one for me. These are the days I choose self focus instead of interference and participation in drama. You can't have a play without actors. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 16th of January 2020 11:40:57 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 16th of January 2020 11:49:29 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I find this one interesting as I was he one afraid of conflict, so often I never said anything at all for fear of being hurt - either physically or emotionally. But boy did I build resentments and instead my retaliation to negative talk usually came out as passive-aggressive behaviors. Eventually, my stuffing my feelings would lead to an enormous blow-up and then I'd definitely say many, many, many things that were unkind - I'd take the person's inventory as far back as I could go, listing all their wrongs and do what I could to attack and undermine them as much as possible and remind them how superior I was to them.
Think now reminds me that I also maybe SHOULD say something when normally I wouldn't in the interest of standing up for myself and not allowing that instance to stew in me and turn into something toxic that later gets released with victims all around. But the acronym of "THINK" gives me some guidelines around it when I feel I should say something: Is it True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, is it Kind?
Early on in program I usually said nothing because I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know and then....I gave myself the freedom to grumble and still didn't know....I was listening and not learning from the fellowship. I earned lots of ugly faces and invitations to shut up and leave and "keep coming back". What messed me up was my anger and self deception and so what I did was ask individual members after meetings to guide me...help me out with what they heard from me. I never got turned down with their ESH and so I came to understand even through at first I had trouble agreeing...what I heard was so different than what I thought was true and real.
It has taken me time...lots of time to get how this program works yet I know from how my life is that the time was well taken. Mahalo Family !!!! ((((hugs))))
