The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays page begins with a metaphor: Alcoholism is a thief. The writer goes on to list many circumstances when this is true: alcoholism may have stolen people we love, jobs, close relationships, safety. For many of us who have lived with active alcoholism our sense of security and trust may have been taken away. The sentence that stood out to me describing this sense of loss: I grew up feeling like a counterfeit adultwell-adjusted on the outside, but lost and frightened on the inside.
The writer goes on to describe how the effects of alcoholism in a family are persistent and long lasting. I know this is true because I am constantly seeing in myself so many traits (stubbornness, denial, resentment) that are direct results of having lived in an alcoholic family.
The writer then describes that hope to break out of all of this comes in the form of our second step-coming to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. For me, all of these things were about realizing that I didnt have any answers. My will wasnt going to be responsible for creating what I thought life should be. Putting my energy into self improvement, rather than thinking I could possibly improve the lives of anyone else, seeing that there is no Strength in trying to impose my will over my Higher Powers- are forms of humility that keep the focus on what I am able to do and what is beyond my control.
I know that I struggled with the idea that I didnt know best! I can see now that a lot of the control I attempted to exert was because my life was feeling chaotic. It took me a while to see that controlling the outside chaos was more of a band-aid solution than working on my own inner chaos.
i appreciate the reminder in the quotation from the Forum Favorites : Doesnt letting your Higher Power run your life make more sense than letting somebody elses illness run it?
Good Morning Mary and MIP Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this important reading.
i know prior to practicing program I too had embraced many OF THE NEGATIVE attitudes of which this page speaks. I never realized thaT THESE attitudes were hurting me or that i could think a different way. Then i started to develop a trust in my HP and my negative beliefs drifted away and were replaced by positive attitudes
I agree Letting HP have control of my life makes sense.
Good morning MIP family! I too am guilty as charged - my will, my ego, my way and utterly broken when I could NOT make 'it' happen! I am grateful for the gentle teachings of our program that allowed me to transition my trust and faith to a power greater than I while practicing all our tools. I can still at times lean towards my way and my will and am gently reminded that I'm not in charge and 'all is good'....I do feel today as if the God of my understanding has my back and it's a grand feeling which truly does help me keep my life, mind, heart simple.
Joel was good for me this morning. As our weather has made for treacherous roads, I'm not going to my Sunday meeting! So grateful for a group of lovely women who really work this program - we've already started a text chat today, in case anyone is in crisis/need. Make it a great day all - find and keep your joy!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Mary, thank you as well for your service. For me the metaphor reminds me the it is the disease and not the person that is the thief and my HP is always there to help me understand that my happiness must come from within. To reach that peace I must let go and let God, because when I trust, my fears subside. Thank you again and blessings to you this Sunday.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thank you Mary for your service and for all the great shares above. I have and continue to learn many thing from this program. One helpful idea is that I can love my alcoholic but hate the disease. I am taking step 3 all the time nowI cant, He can, so I must lean on HP. No one in my FOO knew how to raise a healthy child, so there you go4 kids on rocky seas. Its amazing to me what this kind of help has done for me. Always grateful, Lyne
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. I so appreciate everyone's shares as well!
This page has always resonated with me. Alcoholism/Addiction is indeed a thief. Firstly, it steals your peace. The insidious way it wraps its way in your life is truly scary! Behaviors that "worked" so well before, stop being effective. "Normal" interpersonal connections work against you. UP is now DOWN. You move 2 steps forward, but always 3 steps back!! If you are still "hanging in," you can begin to act like someone you don't even know (or like very much)- you begin to doubt your own sanity!!! Then it can financially ruin you. Finally, you are left wondering where the person you married went! Their brain chemistry has changed, sometimes permanently. Addiction has stolen them as well!!
If you are lucky, you find Al-Anon and begin to learn the tools. You embrace Acceptance. You rediscover yourself. You decide on what you can live with. Life can get better. But make no bones about it... IMHO, Addiction steals the "good" out of what you originally wanted... be it a marriage, a partnership, a friendship, work relationships, etc. If you can accept that things will be different, then positive forward progress can happen - whatever that looks like for You.
I am currently working on understanding the "Why's" - the dynamics of what made me, "Me." On the surface, I don't feel I grew up in an "alcoholic" home. But alcohol was always present, and one childhood memory I never forget is the "tip-toeing" around my parent. There is something there, b/c like Mary, I have those traits (denial, resentment, stubbornness and you can throw in self-debasement for good measure!). And I can now look back and see where I learned my co-dependency from! It may end up being fruitless... except that I can know what not to do with my Kid moving forward in my life! I can be a "better" me!
Thank you MIP peeps for being here and accepting my processing style!
I am off to get my hands in the soil, and then my team is going to play their heart's out against GB!!! A fine Sunday indeed!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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