The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses how we learn in Al-Anon to seek what we need through new/different/healthier places. It suggests that turning to an Alcoholic for affection and support can be like going to the hardware store for bread. When we expect a "good" parent to nurture and support our feelings, or a "loving" spouse to comfort and hold us or a "caring" child to pitch in when we are ill, we are let down often - not by them but by our expectations of them.
Al-Anon helps us realize and accept that love is expressed in many ways. We learn to recognize love whenever and however it's offered and we learn to treat our needs as important and appropriate through the encouragement and support of others in recovery.
Reminder: Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire. And no one person will ever offer all that we require. If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.
Quote from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon: "In Al-Anon I discover in myself the power to throw new light on a seemingly hopeless situation. I learn I must use this power, not to change the alcoholic, over whom I am powerless, but to overcome my own distorted ideas and attitudes."
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My will, my ego and my 'wants' blocked me for a long, long while from a spiritual life as well as true joy and peace. I can raise my hand as one who was looking for approval, love, acceptance and fulfillment from others in my life. What I've learned in recovery is that accepting myself as I am, trusting in a power greater than I and embracing a new way of living has given me the grace to unconditionally love and accept others and life on life's terms.
For all the faults I inventoried in others for so, so long and all the shame and blame I tossed around, I did not find real serenity until I focused on me and my own inventory. Today, I know how others are/act has nothing to do with me, and I can/will be at peace when I practice recovery in all my affairs.
Happy Thursday MIP family. Make it a great day, find and keep your joy! An attitude of gratitude is contagious - find yours and pass it on...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Morning IAH Great reminder My partner has been hospitalized since Christmas Eve and yesterday I found myself reverting to old patterns of expecting him o be supportive of my efforts. After reading today's message i just realized that self pity had crept in without my being aware and i held unrealistic expectations of him Today I will go to visit bringing HP with me as well as compassion for myself and him and attempt to let go and let god I know the serenity prAYER WILL HELP AS WELL
IAH, thank you so much for your service and both inspiring shares. (Betty I will PM). Im guilty of all above flaws and continue to try to turn my will and my life over to God. I have expected a number of As, and others as well, to meet my needs when none of them could. Then the resulting resentment and anger just makes a big mess, messier. With program I am learning to let go and let God, take ODAT, and focus on my flaws and what I need to change. The end is result is=GREAT! Lyne
IAH, thank you for the daily. What a great reminder, that love is expressed in many ways. I was critical of myself that sometimes I was not displaying what I thought was the textbook version of love that I "should" have. I did the best I could with the tools/knowledge/capabilities I had at the time, as did the people I was struggling with. And, yes, I discovered that love and support was at my fingertips --- I just had to reach for it.
Betty, as you know I have walked this particular path -- feelings, expectations, and all -- and you are not alone. I will be thinking of you and your strength today.
Thank you Iamhere for your service, and everyone who has shared their ESH. It has come at a great time for me, as I am being text-bombed by my Ex.
I do have problems with many aspects of the "Expectations" line of thought w/ Al-Anon. When you choose to pair up, not only is it the chemical response of "love," but things more basic as well...
protection, security, support.
When Addiction throws all that asunder, it is difficult to say, "Have zero expectations" IMHO. I will never agree with the "zero expectation" line entirely. Because I have lost almost everything twice due to my spouse's problems w/addiction, I feel very strongly about this topic - there was a LOT of collateral damage. Damage that wouldn't be an issue but for the consequences of addiction. But, I have recognized my faulty thinking/actions in this process without "giving up" my beliefs on Expectations when you pair-bond. Al-Anon has helped me to see my part, my responsibility. It has also helped me to see what I have zero control over. It has also helped me to be honest with what I can live with moving forward in my life... that is priceless!
Betty - sending your SO (and you) healing prayers.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I have long memory and history with our literature and program which surprised me this morning as I found myself on page 4 rather than 2. When I got back to 2 I became grateful for the memories. I expected I would be in the right place and sure enough I was partly.
I learned from the fellowship that expectations could be program goals for myself however trying to enforce that on my alcoholic addict would be setting myself and her up for failure. The expectation of progress and not perfection was often as close as I would get it kept and still keeps me in practice. I continually require practice...with smiles. ((((hugs)))) and Happy New Year.
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