The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 12/23, tells an interesting story. The author went to their first alanon meeting to support a friend, found themselves identifying with all the shares, and kept going back. The author felt like an imposter though, because they were positive they didn't even know any alcoholics! The guilt they felt made it almost impossible to share. It took almost a year for this person to realize they were an adult child. They expressed gratitude that they were given the time and support to come to this awareness when they were ready.
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This reading is so interesting to me because for an entire 13 year marriage, I didn't know what was wrong. I knew I wasn't happy and initiated divorce. With my second marriage, which I'm in now for 28 years, it took me half of it to realize my spouse had a drinking problem. I think during the first half, it was kept hidden. However I did know I was unhappy, my needs were not being met, and eventually I became as sick as my spouse, just in a different way. My faulty thinking was that if my spouse got fixed, I would be fine. So once in awhile I would come to this board, I didn't see what I was looking for, and would get lost for another 6 months. Finally I couldn't take the pain anymore, started reading and writing on this board, and wanted to do the steps with a sponsor. That sponsor encouraged me to try F2F meetings, and I did, and the rest is history. Whew. Lyne
I am very grateful that this program is a gentle one... allowing people who come to embrace, vacillate, wobble, teeter, or "shadow" for as long as they need to. To have the space to understand that they can benefit from the things that are spoken here!
It's a stormy Monday here. I found Joy in waking to the sound of rain on my roof! Find your Joy on this Monday!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
My ex husband did.get fixed. He initiated recovery after I left him .
He remarried and by all.accounts had a happy marriage.
He died just over a year ago.
I had a lot of resentment at him because of course he.ahould have done.it for me
Yet on some level I think our marriage was an success it was a spring board.for the beginning of my recovery (which is decades long needless to say)
In el anon I can reframe what some would say were my failures
My ex husband and I had a lot in common. We were very disturbed and had deep issues from childhood. The marriage initiated a life long commitment to recovery. I do not doubt my ex husband's issues contributed to his untimely death. Yet when I read his obituary I had to say he changed through his commitment to AA and to recovery
I had something to do.with his decision to stop drinking
None of us know the role we have played in people's.lives
Our higher power has the big picture.
Someday we will have the big picture too.
Maresie
Thank you Lyne for your service and share. I am late to the discussion, telling myself better late than not at all. I landed here as my sponsor from AA suggested Al-Anon when the disease became active all around me - AH & sons. I resisted big time simply because I had no interest in a second program and truly believed they (my people) were the problem, and not me (or the disease). My thinking was very unhealthy and insane as I lived in a state of fear, anger, anxiety and negativity.
I too floundered around for a while trying to fix, manage, cure, control others and the disease. No matter what I did, it progressively got worse. I finally surrendered and came to Al-Anon. I did not arrive with an open mind yet still gained just enough hope when I got here to keep coming back. My life, program, days are far, far from perfect, yet I do see tons of progress, which is a gift of recovery. I just keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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