The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This page begins with the writer describing some discomfort around praying at the close of meetings. In the writers experience there were expectations around prayer, in the sense that there are rules in certain religious/prayer settings and the feeling that there are right and wrong ways of doing things (like praying).
For the writer, these ideas set up relationships that were based in rigidity as well. The writer describes being unaware that these absolute rules had taken over his/her life in this way.
When I was reading this page, I remembered many situations when like the writer, I felt on guard. I thought of myself as someone who was a rule follower and appreciates routines and consistency, which is true, but before I came to alanon those traits magnified into being pretty rigid at times. I know that for me, being strict in my own life was in part a response to living with the chaos of alcoholism, but its been freeing to know I dont have to live with musts and shoulds, as the writer described. The best thing I heard about alanon early on was that this is a gentle program. For me, the gentleness of the program was the perfect antidote to how I had been living.
Thanks Mary... hoping y'all have a pleasant Christmas this week.
Hmmm diwali, hanukah, and others...
Big topic here- and always topical. Some old established groups- still recite the Lord's Prayer. Some incoming members, especially- question the G- word in the serenity prayer- and don't make it to the second meeting.
It's like this is a no-go zone. The too hard basket!
Some people, who are big on the Steps and Traditions quote Tradition 10. And that is the hush rule, in my view.
Tradition 10, in my view realties to the opinions the our groups hold, and our wider organisation. And the views, apart from Alanon issues and strictly neutral.
Hotrod here- always says- "Mean what you say, and say what you mean, but don't say it mean." So I shall.
I was always really scared of putting a foot wrong; or rather- putting my foot in my mouth. When I was a school kid there were always a bevy of other kids- who would run to the teacher- if another kid had a lolly in their mouth. Who were talking with another kid. And that would mean the strap- or standing outside the door for twenty minutes.
And at home we were forbidden to talk about religion or politics. Or the alcoholism, as I found out later. ...
I actually believe that we rush newcomers into having a sponsor far too early. I believe that it is best to do steps 1,2, and 3, within the confines of a group. And the sponsor comes in for steps 4 and 5 especially.
I had no hang-ups about religions. But I know that a lot of people do.
Some years ago some members went to conference and tried to have out higher power given a neutral gender. This was turned down. So when this comes up in out steps and preamble- some members have to read between the lines.
Our WSO is not God- so if a similar remit came up today It might pass. Who knows?
I happen to be a true believer. I have very little trouble with religion. I do find that people who attend 12 Step groups are sometimes more real, and more practical than church people. A lot of people I talk to share this experience. ...
I got tripped up here, right from the get go. In NZ we say 22/12, and not 12/22. It is already 23/12 here anyway... but these are just minor.
If was told early to look for the similarities and not the differences.
If I was at a f2f meeting I would tell from the glum look on the face of the chair- I would know if I was getting off-topic.
Here I would have to told.
So "listen" is today a part of my vocabulary- and i shall read the following share with interest.
Thanks Mary for your service, and for both shares. I grew up and into adulthood with rigidity. It was self-imposed to survive my FOO and also being involved in the arts. Alanon has taught me that I can make my decisions on what is good for me. I have become a more flexible person, and it is a relief and something I am proud of.
As far as religion goes, I am a very spiritual person, with strong faith, and belong to no religion. And like most things in life, take what you like and leave the rest. Lyne
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for ESH and shares. I was raised with formal religion, and departed when it didn't work for me....I respect all people of any/all beliefs and have found a God of my understanding that works for me! I have close friends who are non-believers, and choose not to pray during the closing. I am grateful for a loving group that lives the program and principles as well as possible and we've got not pressure or expectations on who does what regarding prayer/praying.
Happy Sunday all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Although I am not particularly religious, I am on a spiritual path. I would not be uncomfortable with prayer in any setting. I can participate or not....I can adjust to what I believe..... I also was brought up with rigidity around church and expectations, but I no longer feel affected by it all.
Thanks Mary... hoping y'all have a pleasant Christmas this week. 
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