The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't often dip into the Hope For Today reader, but I am glad I looked at it today. The subject is detaching with love. The writer assumed they would never achieve it. THey couldn't imagine living without resentment. Bitterness was part of their identity. With Al-Anon, they slowly began to realize that the alcoholic had been incapable of meeting the writer's particular expectations -- but had still provided them with good things in life. The glass was not half empty, it was half full. Finally letting go of bitterness brought a new sense of freedom and hope.
Quote from This is Al-Anon: "Relationships distorted by alcoholism and its effect on the drinker and on us are not healed overnight. It is not wise to expect too much too quickly."
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The whole idea of detaching with love seemed impossible to me. Like the author, I was getting some kind of satisfaction from anger and resentment, and I didn't know what to replace it with. I was disappointed whenever I heard someone in a meeting share how they have forgiven the alcoholic in their life. I wanted other people to be just as angry as I was. Then I started directing my energy towards my own recovery.
I love how the quote recognizes the slow healing process. It certainly has not happened fast for me, and has ups and downs. Little bits of the fear and anger are still there. But I have a much more balanced view and am able to appreciate the positive qualities of my loved one, who was a good person with a bad disease.
Good Morning mip detaching with love did seem like an impossible goal whn i irst heard about his tool. i loved to think about my anger and resentments as they helped me to feel superior to those I judged. Attempting to" detach with love "would take away this pleasure. I am happy tha I kept coming back and embraced this helpful tool as today I no longer find joy in my negative defects
thanks or your service.
Good morning MIP and happy Friday to all (or whatever day it may be in your time zone)! Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you also and Betty for your shares and ESH. Those pesky expectations can certainly be a key contribution to loosing my joy, peace and serenity when I am not spiritually fit. I also had no clue how to detach with love and really thought others were just spewing concepts/words at me.
Yet, over time, practicing recovery one day at a time, I have found it so very helpful. When I align my day with the God of my understanding before too much 'action' and/or 'thought', I really seem to be much better at using this tool and the others. It is in recovery that I've learned to let go of controlling others, managing others, expecting others to be something they are not...instead, focusing on unconditional acceptance, unconditional love and detaching keeps me closer to the spirit of the light.
Today, I can keep my peace and joy instead of not. I do view it as a choice and when I can just pause long enough to consider how I really am, how I really feel and whether or not this directly affects me, most times I find the answers come. Make it a great day MIP family - (((Hugs))).
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Ohhh.....this can be a tough one. It is so much easier to detach in anger and disappointment and bitterness. I have to work on this every single day.....some days more successful than others. When I stop and practice gratitude for the good things in my life.....many of them have come from my AH. Not material things necessarily......memories, a life made together, laughter and love. He seems to love me unconditionally and yet I struggle to detach with love regarding whatever state he may be in. All in all, my glass is definitely half full and I appreciate this reading and reminder.
Thanks so much FT for your service and all the above shares , which of course, are my story as well. Acceptance of not having my expectations met, and yet seeing all the good my A brings to my life, takes constant practice, practice, and yes, more practice. The anger and resentment sneak up on me all the time, and I get good use of all my alanon tools. I could not do this life of mine had I stayed away from program. My glass is totally half full, every day, even in times of stress and sadness. I bounce back, thank God. Lyne
Acceptance is extraordinarily difficult for me. My family of origin were really abusive. I went on to have a series of relationships with abusive men. My qualifier who bought me into this program being one of them. He was not the last one
I have struggled tremendously to get better when I came into this program I was extremely despairing. I had also had decades of therapy
Today my life is not what I would have imagined but it is better than I imagined too.
I am enormously grateful to the program for the benefits I have .
Detachment which I struggled with was one big uphill struggle for me ..
Now it isnt but Inhave to practice. The more I practice the better it is.
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