The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about how tradition 5 can help transform resentment into compassion. As our program is about keeping the focus on ourselves, compassion starts with self as well. The writer describes being compassionate toward ourselves by working the steps and working on healing from the effects if alcoholism. Being compassionate releases any resentments we may be holding onto. As we continually rid ourselves of resentment, we are making room for compassion for ourselves and others. Learning about the disease helps us better understand the As in our lives. Sharing with others and being supportive of newcomers shows compassion to those who are coming to alanon for a change in their lives.
I really appreciate the description of compassion as a circle: we show compassion for ourselves, there is then room for others, we show compassion for one another, and it comes back to us. I have plenty of days when I struggle with resentment. What I have noticed is that I feel much less burdened and a lightness of heart when I am able to practice compassion instead.
Mary... I found that compassion for self led to empathy- and to improved communication... won't wrangle with the words- too much... tradition 5 says it all... ...
The idea of a circle is helpful, processes are so often circular.
This give me hope, because I am new to the program and feeling pretty overwhelmed, looking for guidance, and for quick change. Rationally I know that there is no such thing as lasting quick change when it comes to changing resentment to compassion AND disconnecting from the responsibility for someone elses emotions and behaviors.
It feels better to believe that if I can, one time, be compassionate to myself as I try to create boundaries, I can do it a second time. Maybe, after being compassionate to myself and allowing myself, my emotions, and wellbeing to be important and letting myself act on them I will be able to let go of some of my resentment and trapped feelings. I know myself well enough that if I keep at it, not letting too Many days get in between the first hard time and the next times I try self-compassion, I can grow the habit. I will try to be compassionate to myself, and also push myself to keep trying hard things.
Maybe this will help me feel more like my qualifier is ill, rather than purposeful with his behaviors and expectations. Thanks for listening and for posting the topic for discussion.
Thank you Mary for your service, and David for some good ESH!
I had never really seen the description of compassion as a circle. But, it is appropriate.
By becoming very familiar with this disease process, I have found compassion for my Ex. Which is good, since I am still modeling behavior for my grown Kid.
This weekend is a rainy one... so no "playing" in the yard for me. Inside Christmas decorating is the thing!
Today, that is my JOY!
(((((((mtnrunner)))))) Welcome. I am sorry for what brings you here - the disease that changes the brain (addiction) is insidious and affects the whole family- but I am glad you signed up and are sharing! That really is the first step in honoring yourself and your feelings.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily! Thanks to all above who've shared their ESH too. I arrived as one who continuously stated, Yeah but....I was always on the defensive, ready and loaded to Justify, Argue, Defend and/or Explain - to anyone at any time. I had very low self-esteem and even lower self-worth upon arrival yet was willing to fight the good fight to be right.
What I know today is that I had much to retool within me. I had to learn how to love myself and accept myself exactly as I am - imperfect. I had to learn how to recognize assets and nurture them and me as I had not truly been taught self-care. Practicing what was suggested brought me to a calmer place and gave me an ability to really consider who I am and what I need. At the top of that list is acceptance, love and compassion - from self! I have learned to be my own best friend, my best advocate, my best source of love and strength simply by working this program, trusting the process and believing a HP would never lead me wrong. I have a profound belief that my HP truly wants me happy, joyous and free so that's where my mind goes today when I am struggling, uncertain, sad, fearful, etc.
Recovery has given me a much better way to be and to see life, and I am grateful.
mtnrunner - welcome to MIP! I love that your first share here mentions hope! That made my heart smile because having hope, for me, keeps me moving forward and willing to take action. When I first arrived, I found it profoundly confusing to put me first and practice self-care as it just felt 'wrong'. I had spent so much time in a defensive position fighting the disease and the diseased, I didn't even know where/how to begin. Small things like attending meetings, reading the literature, practicing prayer, pausing to breathe really, really helped me.
I hope you keep coming back - there is always hope and help in our recovery - glad you're here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Mary... I found that compassion for self led to empathy- and to improved communication... won't wrangle with the words- too much... tradition 5 says it all... 
...
