The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi y'all... ... I have this personal rule- which I call 'the two call rule'... I might visit or call up to two times- but if there is no response after that- I find it it time to move on- fresh grazing...
...it applies to family too, really. The terms for me- "goody-two-shoes" and 'beating my head against a brick wall' crop up here.
One branch of my family fell apart- in a horrible way. My cousin is now the matriarch. With links to the criminal underworld. Anyone who has read "Oliver Twist", by Charles Dickens will realise that this world was always there, and maybe always will be.
On the other hand I do believe that "charity begins at home". First things first, would be the Alanon slogan.
I am back home in my country town, after spending the day on the coast and in our provincial city. I had dealings with a property over there- and checking on my two new lambs, and three adult sheep- who are my weed-eaters and lawnmowers.
In my list the two little boys were coming home from school and kindy. I was at the door, after knocking, and I got hugs from both. Their mum now has a boyfriend who is well up the criminal hierarchy. She is keeping things together- working in a rest home part time.
There was an associate in the house when I visited... but stuff like that does not worry me. I wanted to show the flag, even though is was the size of a postage stamp. Be a witness- be a ray of hope.
The mum had run out of petrol taking the oldest boy to school- and had to plead with random householders for enough petrol to complete the journey. She lives from hand to mouth- literally.
I can see she is doing her very best. All the social evils that you might expect in this situation are round about her. But I made no assumptions. We call it "awhi", or empathy, in other words- to our kith and kin- which those boys are.
Back home I do have a bit of a compassion hangover. I do buy step 11, and I share here- which is healthy. I no longer have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can remember it being there. Taking the steps, and changing my breathing habits seems to have taken care- of the worst of my fear, and anger; and grief really.
My uncle- the old patriarch of the family saw service in the Navy at the age of 15, and saw action the following year. I see and understand how the house of cards has collapsed. I am powerless to change it, of course. But I wanted to be a witness to this.
Family is family. Nutty and gritty, sometimes...
I am not really a "good-two-shoes". I have always face the storm, sometimes head- on.
I have found a way of living with myself- and of approaching the 12 steps. In a practical, functional way.
I don't really have to watch drama on Tv. I have seen too much of it in real life.
David, thank you for your share. I like your phrase of, " Family is family. Nutty and gritty, sometimes...."
It is so difficult to sit back, pull back and watch what is happening. Yes, I think all of us here share the sentiment of not needing drama on TV.....we've lived/live it!
Thanks for your share David! Loving my widely diverse and dysfunctional family unconditionally isn't always easy....It is my hope that my legacy will be as an example of 'different'. Who knows what it will really be, but that's my hope! I do the best I can to be an example of calm in the middle of the storm/chaos. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
A quick step 10, reality check- a reach-out to you guys... and a short tweak to my HP...
My day out on Monday meant visits to family and three friends. Just processing. It triggered old memories and worser times. Was exhausted yesterday... stopped eating for 24 hours. Went to bed at 6 pm and read a book. Had a lot of restful sleep- and feel restored today.
Its that gap- between caregiving and care-taking... ...and a very fine line... ...
Thank you for your share, David. Lovely to hear how you walk that fine line between care-taking and care-giving.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Yep... thanks... those kids are the replies, and not the mother. But I get on well with her. We click.
I know I have to mind my own business. She has a new man in her life- not my nephew.
She needed money because [as she said] her car ran out of gas getting the kids to school and kindy.
When I arrived there was a woman in the home- was she a baby sitter, or a minder?
There was fervent texting during my short visit- was she heading off and going to a prayer meeting?
Or was she going off to a brothel behind a meth lab?
There are gangland connections here... and i do have to tread carefully. As promised I sent presents for the boys- and cash for the mum and her daughter. To buy presents, hopefully.
The mum's dearest brother died of an overdose three years ago.
I know the family mechanics -dynamics so well- getting into the third generations. Prayers and good thoughts- please.
Hmmm... have been giving this share a lot of thought. The opposite of "Don't call us, we'll call you." With- If you think I can help you, somehow, then contact me.
I thought about whether I needed a sponsor again- but no. I am moving from steps 10 and 11 towards step 12. For about the sixth time. Tidying up loose ends.
I like to tie up loose ends and settle any issues i can- pay up debts before the turn of the new year- and I have. Our dad instilled in me the legacy of uniformed service. 12 family members over two generations, including my grandmother. And I reflect on the supreme sacrifice some gave. And how much, or how little we should offer, in civilian life. In the branch of the family I was concerned with four of my cousins ended up in the sex trade- which shocked and angered me. I can apply the 3 c's didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't change it.
I would hate to see it happen to any other kids- I join with many other people committed to change in this area- of human trafficking.
And then I reflect on the serenity prayer with" the courage to change the things i can". And I think of the courage of people in the service of the nation.
Christmas, especially has to be meaningful for me. The joy of children- and gifts of genuine love. ...
... I have 
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