The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author reflects on their view of themselves and life. At one point, the author viewed their life as a tragedy, but today, they know that they are a survivor - the author has experienced many challenges, and is a stronger person for those experiences. With the help of their HP, the author knows that they are capable of facing whatever life brings, and sharing their wealth of experiences with others who are going through similar difficulties.
Today's Reminder: If I so choose, I can regard everything that happens in my life as a gift from which I can learn and grow. Today, I will find something positive hidden within a difficult situation and allow myself to be grateful. I may be surprised at how much a little gratitude can help.
Today's Quote: "When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars." Charles A. Beard
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What a lovely reading to start my day today! My current difficult situation is that, while unpacking her bag last night and handing me things to put in the fridge or the sink, AW practically handed me an empty bottle of alcohol - realized her mistake, and put it back in her backpack saying "That isn't for you." Well, given her behavior of late and my boundaries, of course we had to talk about it, but I noticed learning and growth had happened in my response - I think I handled it better than I have in the past. I wasn't upset, angry, or hurt. The lack of these emotions actually surprised me, but it was a welcome difference. This time, I also didn't give ultimatums or ask her to move out, things I have done in the past, but then not followed through on. I simply asked her what she thought she ought to do next, and I reminded her that she already knows what I think that she should do, because in the past when this happened (ok, in the past she was secretive, and I had to decide to confront her, she didn't just hand me the empty bottle...) I've always said that in order to carry on with the relationship, I need her to take her meds, I need her to see a counselor regularly, and I need her to go to AA once a week, at least. I still think she is lying to me about how long she has been drinking - ("not long" and "my soberversary was yesterday, and now I messed it up") but I'm letting the truth be between her and her HP. After all, back when I was viewing my life as a tragedy, I tried to control how she was going to behave post-relapse. I thought her being honest with me about her drinking was important. I've come to see her drinking as her problem. It is a problem that all my good intentions and efforts cannot fix for her. It is up to her and her HP to wort it out. I'm grateful for AlAnon, all of you at MIP, and people at my face-to-face group and Alano-club, and I'm grateful for the changes I see in myself and how I chose to respond to this recurring situation. Today, I'm grateful that it was a thunderstorm and scared pups that kept me up last night, and not racing thoughts or emotions surrounding this latest relapse. The stars I saw? A commitment to myself to start to enjoy my life by doing things I like and spending time with friends also if and when AW objects. I can see that I'm making progress and getting healthier, and I think this is the next logical step for me. I have decided not to be held back by her journey. We might not be going to the same place, and the likelihood that we will arrive together is pretty slim at this point.
I hope you make today a great day, and find time to look at your own stars.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good morning MIP! Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily.....much appreciate your ESH and share as well. I arrived to recovery hopeless and feeling very broken. I did see my life, my family, etc. as a tragedy. Through working the steps and practicing what was suggested, I've come to flip my focus from all that's wrong to what's right or improving.
When I am able to keep an attitude of gratitude, my outlook and attitude are very different than before. When I focus on keeping things simple and just one day at a time, my attitude and outlook align with joy and gratitude. I've found practicing recovery and choosing joy to be a much better place for me, in all my affairs.
The quote reminds me of this one that I consider often, We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.
Alphonse Karr, A Tour Round My Garden
Make it a great day all and happy Thanksgiving Eve for those who celebrate!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning, Skorpi, and thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope -- and demonstration of using the tools of recovery. I love the quote about being able to see the stars, because of the darkness. My own dark times in the past are the reason I can feel such extreme gratitude today.
One of the groups I attend uses a long version of the Serenity Prayer, which includes the line "accepting hardship as the pathway to peace." I did not like this line, when I first heard it. It seemed to celebrate victimhood. Thinking about my experiences, I decided to reframe it as "accepting hardship as A (not the only) pathway to peace" I wish no one had to go through such experiences as we have, and the path can be very rocky, scary, and hard. But it is true that because I stumbled upon Al-Anon tools along the way, I reached a peaceful spot that i can come back to whenever I want.
Thank you Skorpi for your service, the daily, and your honest share.
I also appreciate Iamhere and Freetime's shares. Little tidbits that I can take for my own!
I am not sure if I will EVER be grateful to my Ex or this disease for "introducing" me to Al-Anon. Yes, I am growing as a person. Yes, I have learned better ways of doing things, insights into myself... but when I look back, I still see a tragedy where a happy family life should be. I guess I just need time. Perhaps that is why I love Skorpi's tagline so much:
"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." - Lao Tzu.
This reminds me to stay out of the past. Keep moving forward in my future. One Step 4 exercise my sponsor had me do was to identify and write about a word that could be used to describe my inner self. I went through several before I settled on RESILIENT. That word, and doing that particular activity within Step 4 really struck a chord with me... so much so that I am currently looking for a watercolor tattoo artist... it will be my own design... a hyper-realistic, micro-tattoo of a dragonfly in my favorite colors with the word RESILIENT as the tail.
For those of you who celebrate, Happy Thanksgiving a day early! I hope that you celebrate your life & your journey to healing! I am grateful beyond measure for everyone who posts here!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Scorpi,
Thanks so much for your service and beautiful personal share. Letting go and letting god can be hard when we're witnessing loved ones hurting. But my own dis-ease is progressive too and unmanageability of my own life is an indication that I've been participating in insanity either in thought by obsessing or action reacting to life rather than responding. I like our slogan THINK - thoughtful, honest, intelligent, necessary, kind. It's application can save me from so much angst.
Surrendering to my hp at the start of my day and asking hp to take care of those I love is something I can do instead of running interference. Funny... I have never gotten a message from my higher power like this one. TT, this is HP I'm going in there, I need you to have my back!
When I've truly let go and am allowing my life to be guided by my hp, my thoughts and actions are clear, uncluttered and simple. HP's message in my personal Alanon program is TT, I've given you all these gifts please enjoy them, I love you so leave the heavy lifting to me.
I can confuse my wants and needs at times. My skewed expectations are the cause. But there are only two that have a basis in reality; I will experience change and the god of understanding will consistently be there for me.
I work Alanon each day by making a conscious choice to live MY life fully. HP and I spend the day together. Thankfully, I remember to bring HP along on a regular basis more often than not these days. Better to have more days thinking where did I leave my keys rather than at day's end slapping my forehead as I inventory and saying where did I leave my higher power. I'm grateful.
Thank you for sharing YOUR recovery journey at this site. Thanks for offering the reminder of turning others over. As I enter the holiday season in particular, your example reminds me as our literature states that I can be as happy as I make my mind up to be. My stars!!
Happy Thanksgiving.(((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks everyone for your reflections. What a strong group we are!
I was inspired by P&P to think of a word for my inner self. The one that comes to mind for me is peaceful. As we go into the holiday season, I hope we all decide on having a peaceful one.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
