The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been awhile since I posted. I have been reading on line here and my thinking is a bit saner. Reading and being in recovery makes a difference for the better. December will be 2 years since I last seen the abf. It seems like a lifetime ago. When I look back, its a true miracle I was not killed or seriously injured by the active alcoholic who was very abusive. I tolerated hell and back! Police involvement and intensive high drama that nearly put me over the edge. I tolerated hell! For what reason? I loved him. When I look back I see I was living in severe fear of being alone, I will not make it on my own. Guess what, the house got sold, I moved out, I got a new place to live and I am safe. I made it! You would think the nightmare would be over with the ex abf? No, Now lawyers are involved as we are fighting over the monies from the sale of the house. 2 years and still the nightmare continues. However, the good news is I do not have to talk to him. My lawyer is helping me get my fair share. He however is fighting me for the monies with tooth and nail. He is unreasonable. Expected he is an abusive alcoholic that wants the monies all to himself. I just so want closure to this nightmare and be able to shut the door on it forever. I have been accessing outside help as well and its helping. I am trying to take it one day at a time, but its so challenging as I so want closure to this chapter of my life. Accept a settlement and be done! For some reason he will not let me have peace. He rather keep this legal matter going and keep his connection to me. Why? I want out for good! I am done with him forever and I pray to god I never get involved with an active alcoholic again, never. I have suffered enough! I am so done with active drunks. I just want a peaceful life that I can be proud of! This drama does not end with the ex. Just pray there will be closure and soon!
One of the reasons I stayed with my exAH for so long was the same fear you expressed - fear of being alone, and fear of not being able to support myself.
It took a lot of work for me to get to a place where I just understood to the marrow of my bones that no matter what, I was going to be okay. God would take care of me. It was okay to let go.
Being fully self-supporting was such a huge boost to my self-esteem. I found a small little ohana to live in, which I later found out was managed by a sister in recovery from AA. It's like we were drawn to each other. Even if we barely even spoke to one-another, the property just had a wonderful healing energy of recovery around it. I had a fantastic job with wonderful colleagues and through the blessing of fellowship in the Al-Anon and AA families, I grew a wide support group of friends whom I later considered my family.
It all started with just being willing to let go.
Let go of my fear. Let go of the alcoholic. Let go of needing to have everything planned and under control. All the magic happened when I just let go.
Thanks for your share. I trust your HP is going to work things out for you.
Aloha that is soooo uplifting and supportive and helpful with ESH. It is what and how I learned and still do today. I am moving up to CA shortly kinda sorta like going back home where I first got into recovery and still remind myself where your post continues to point me. The recovery ohana is a blessed gift from Akua, my Higher Power and Father. I feel secure no matter where I am at. Mahalo for the share and feelings of security. (((((hugs )))))
Joker, it's over. The only thing left is financial. But, remember, you did it!!! You got a new place to live, you are safe, and on the road to happiness!!! While it may be more expensive -- but well worth it -- let the lawyers handle it! It is well worth it for you!!! The less you have to do with your ex the better off you are. If you have nothing to do with him -- that would be best!!! Remember the good news -- that you do not have to talk to him!!! Of course he's fighting, of course he's being unreasonable. He needs to, he thrives on it, he's entitled, he is vindictive -- and guess what? So what!!! Don't even think about it or him. Let it go!!! You have closure -- and it will be the final closure when the lawyer is done. Bask in the sunlight of being away from him!!! You won!!! Stop focusing on him and wondering why. Focus on YOU. You have so many good things to focus on!!! About YOU!!!
You NOW have a peaceful life and a lot to be happy about! Enjoy life!!!
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
