The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just blocked my "qualifier"'s # for calls and texts.
I can't control my qualifier's behavior (sending me repetitice abusive, accusative, blaming texts or calling me when drunk/high)
but I can take charge of my sanity by stopping texts from showing up on my phone,
and I can keep my qualifiers calls from being accepted by my phone.
I have also blocked others when I felt it necessary for my own sanity....it is a choice as well as if/when you unblock. Good for you for putting you first.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good to hear it! Our actions and what we will accept is exactly the ONLY thing we can control... but boy does it feel empowering when we employ it!!
Enjoy the peace this will bring!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Excellent job. I wish our literature would touch on this kind of detachment in our current day and age.
Sometimes it's not just leaving the room or getting out of the house that's necessary to protect ourselves from unacceptable behavior. We forget with our cell phones - especially those of us with smart phones - we continue to be in easy reach of insane behavior via phone calls, texts, emails and messaging on social media.
Turning off the phone, blocking, etc. may all be necessary steps to preserve our sanity.
I waited some time and then unblocked my qualifier for a couple weeks.
But soon the barrage of drunken calls began again, accompanied by bizarre revelations and tearful entreaties.
I still have not gotten myself to the point where I can keep from reverting back to bad habits (when I slip into trying to advise, cajole, calm down my qualifier)
and then my agitation level rises, and I find my voice rising.
If it were someone not related to me, I think I would have no problem just hanging up the phone. But, I still cling to the idea that I need to conduct myself on the phone in a "normal" way....that is, the two people talking agree together when to end the conversation.
I sometimes just lay my phone down and for several minutes the ranting goes on, but I am not listening to it....I am waiting for the opportunity when my qualifier stops talking long enough that I can break in and say something so the conversation can be ended amicably, pleasantly, you know "well, I need to go, it's been great talking to you, love you, bye".
I have had to again block the qualifier's number so my serenity can be maintained. Sigh
(((Ignutah))) - great to see you and appreciate your share. I can relate - I've blocked and then unblocked my loved ones. It does get easier with practice as does most things in recovery. Keep doing what your doing - it looks great on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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