The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just had to share this language of letting go November 5 This is so cool I had to share it
The relationship just was not working out, and I wanted it so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look better, if I just try to be more loving, kind, then he or she would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was was OK. I just couldnt see what I was doing, though until I moved forward and excepted reality
One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In bargaining, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing that there is not
We may get our hopes up again and again only to have them dashed. Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we have achieved acceptance
If I try to be a better person, then this will not happen-if I look prettier, keep a cleaner house, lose weight, smile more, let go, hang on more tightly, close my eyes and count to 10, scream, then I wont have to face this loss and this change
There are stories from members of Al-Anon about attempt to bargain with the alcoholics drinking-if I keep the house cleaner, he wont drink-if I make her happy by buying her a new dress, she will not drink-if I buy my son a new car, he will stop using drugs
Adult children have bargained with their losses to-maybe if I am the perfect child, then mom or dad will love and approve of me, stop drinking, and be there for me the way I want them to be-we do big, small, and in between things sometimes crazy things to ward off, , or stall the pain involved with accepting reality
There is no substitute for accepting reality. That is our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are-part of the grief process-helps our lives become more manageable-today I will give myself and others the freedom to fully grieved losses. I will hold myself accountable but I will give myself permission to be human
Oh how I went through all the cycles when I lost my job and then my beloved pet. And then it seemed that I was going to lose my remaining client but it was just a misunderstanding and thanks to the program, I was able to just honestly sort it out with him and he had no intentions of cutting me out that he does want me twice a month so all is good. But other than that as you all know I had lost my job and then my beloved Sipsie and it was just cycling in and out of all these weird forms of grief, I was in denial for a long time then the bargaining stage, then the anger and screaming and crying, and round and round and round it went grief has no pattern in it just seems like it is an endless merry go round of either numbed out denial or agonizing pain and then I finally just came to acceptance and I just bellied up to my higher power and said you take over I am done. And I basically threw in the towel and said whatever will be will be, let the chips fall where they may, I am done. Over. Finished. Throwing in the white Towel. And then I just did let go. I guess I came to a form of acceptance
Then today, a friend of my former boss, who knows of me, has spoken with me, has talked with me at the old job, and has a very high regard for my work ethic as we did business with him, he calls me out of the blue today after a long time of not hearing from him and thinking that this wholesale business he wants to set up is just not going to happen, he calls me out of the blue today and said that he is going to call me every month, to make sure that I know He is serious and that within 90 days I should be working for him every Friday and that he sounded really serious and this guy has very deep pockets to. So I will be paid very well for my services
Also I may have a teaching gig that will take at least three days to set this man up on QuickBooks with his construction company and train him how to post his sales and his expenses and deal with his subcontractors etc. I will train him how to do the basics. And I will get a very very good rate for that. And he sounded very serious and said he would contact me not this week but the following week to start this.
So I think the universe is working on my behalf, I think my higher power is working on my behalf, and sometimes things take time for higher power and the universe to sort out and get us all together. But I do think since I have been doing deep meditations and inner child work and the willingness to turn the outcome over to my higher power within me, I see the energy shifting in my favor. That said however, if somebody comes along and wants me on Fridays and they have a date for me to start work and it is a do now, come to work now, not 90 days possibly, in other words I have a start date to start now, I am going to take the bird in the hand over the two in the bush.
I am learning that I can listen to people and talk with them and get a good feel who is genuine and who is not but also I know that things happen and things change and even the best intentioned people can let you down. So I am going to keep my ad running, I am going to keep taking calls, and if somebody comes A long and it seems to be a good fit, and I feel peace about it inside, and I have a start date, I am going to take it. But I had to share this post above because it is so true of all of us whether we are in Al-Anon or adult children or both which I am, this Melody Beatty language of letting go Daily, I just had to share it. It spoke to me a lot
-- Edited by mamalioness on Tuesday 5th of November 2019 10:52:43 PM
