The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP. Happy Thursday to one and all. Today's reading compares the process of recovery to the peeling of an onion or the growth of a birch tree. In both scenarios, there is a process of growth, shedding, healing, etc. We peel away a layer at a time with an onion, often shedding a few tears as we do. A birch tree has bark that protects it, yet as the tree grows, the bark peels away gradually of its own accord. When the bark is disturbed or removed prematurely, there is a wound which can become vulnerable to infection, fungus and/or insects.
Recovery allows us to recover, heal and deal in our own time frame, not another's. We are encouraged to grow at our own pace and find healthier defenses against 'life' events. Most of us find our own ideas and defenses too tight or too limiting as we grow and heal...we can adjust as desired/necessary as we 'grow new bark'.
Reminder: I have an innate ability to heal and to grow. I don't need to force myself to change. All I have to do is show up and be willing. When I am ready, the changes will come easily.
Quote from . . . In All Affairs: ". . . We all have our own answers within ourselves and can find them with the help of our Al-Anon program and a Higher Power."
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Self-will and ego ruled my life for a long, long while. It worked for me until it didn't any longer. This disease proved to me to be greater than any human power, knocking me to my knees. Reluctantly, I came to Al-Anon, angry at the world, the disease and the diseased. I was broken, full of shame, blame and more negativity than I care to admit.
Lovely people who came before me suggested many things, which at the time overwhelmed me and made no sense (as I still was ego/self driven). Over time, making small efforts to try the suggestions, I began to feel slightly better and a bit of hope. Not necessarily for the diseased or anyone else, but within me. Finding myself with small pockets of time where I was NOT obsessing over other people, places and things was such a gift, it propelled me to want more.
That 'more' for me had nothing to do with changing anyone/anything beyond me. With each new day, I practiced what was suggested and realized that the more I focused on my side of the street, the more peace of mind I had. It took even more time and practice to trust in a God of my understanding - perfectly imperfect - as we are designed to be.
Today, I live a spiritual life as best as possible. I allow others to be who they are, and I focus on me and the best version of me, one day at a time. I've let go of black/white, all/nothing, always/never thinking and just seek to grow, change, learn. Unconditional acceptance and love helps me to be one among others, and no longer feel less than or better than another. I do believe I am to grow from each life experience, good and bad, one day at a time. I am grateful others allowed me to be me, and grow at my own pace!
Make it a great day MIP! I am supposed to golf today - may not happen as it's quite cold here! I have a plan B and a plan C, just in case (thank you Al-Anon). (((Hugs))) to all.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi IAH Thanks for this reminder I can identify with the peeling of the onion. When I first entered program I felt as if the lifting of my defenses(My defects) was like loosing my outer skin. These defenses "seemed" to protect me however they were really only hiding my assets which were and are a much better protection. thanks to alanon tools i learned how to use them effectively Thanks for your service
This is a really good one! I remember doing my Step 4's... each time more was revealed... like an onion for sure.
I can also relate to what Betty said about "protective defenses." I found that the protective defenses I developed as I way to cope were also hiding or blowing my assets out of proportion.
I am currently trying to keep focused on my side of the street...
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks IAH for your service. That reading makes so much sense to me--the reluctance and struggle to grow and change, not knowing what the outcome will be. It was downright scary! I also came to alanon broken, damaged, angry, and resentful. Why was my life so screwed up? After all, I was not the one who was drinking. Yet with patience and practice, my protective walls are shedding and I see new growth. It's a blessing. And of course, it works when you work it, Lyne
Thanks Iamhere for your service!!! GREAT read for me..re: ego and self will, both of which beat me down everytime when I am not in step 3 mode
and yea, the onion....as I do more and more inner child, family of origin discovery work, and DEAL and FEEL, yea, I see the layers coming off, like shedding of the skin.....a spider molts its old, unwanted outter layer and grows a new, lovely one and I feel like recovery is helping me "molt" and grow new, healthier ways to live/think/act, etc.,