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Post Info TOPIC: Progress, not perfection...


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2940
Date:
Progress, not perfection...


 

  Hi y'all... some would say that the A. is a perfectionist. And never ever come sup to the standard set?

For me it is but goals, and a vision... of a better life and a better world. And finding limits- that did not exist before. Boundaries.

I was never raped or beaten. Our family was grossly passive aggressive. I suffered from gross neglect- but not for prolonged periods.

I have heard horrific stories in the rooms. Other times i felt that I was the worst off. I think this toing and froing is healing. I think that identifying is why we join groups... and, over time forming trusting bonds.

I sometimes compare myself to my four siblings. I always had just the one marriage. I always tried to change. They did not attempt. I will be spending time with one brother next month. I am really looking forward to this.

There were two turning into in my life- that tipped me over the edge. I only got pneumonia once, from memory. But characteristically it was not noticed or recognised by the adults around me. Part of my condition is that I had glue ear. I always felt like I was locked away in my little head. But, over the last five years my hearing improved- and I was able to experience the joy of full communication- for the first time- since I was a little kid. smile ...

And ditto for the time, when I was 9 when my dad told me he wanted to kill himself.

I have heard harrowing stories of kids who witness attempts, and once or twice the actual event. I have learned to sit with this and listen. That one event, for me, turned responsibility around. My dad did need a caretaker; but for me it cost me the rest of my childhood.

As I write this down and reflect. I sometimes minimise the actual impact that the alcoholic home had on us. Day in, day out- eternal chaos... much more than mere uncertainty.

In early Alanon I heard about "the pity party" and "the poor me's". That was something to be avoided in my family- at all costs! I recall clearly having to close down my waterworks- tears that is- to avoid being vulnerable. And I believe that this was the seat of the chronic psychosomatic illness I suffered from.

In Alanon I had to learn appropriate ways of dealing with my condition. I know I had some rights- rights of participation- to help determine what these appropriate ways were. In determining what these boundaries might me- I sensed strongly that we were finding boundaries and limits- together- for the first time- in most cases.

I found the "B" word- balance. It seemed precarious, at the time- but over time it seemed more like a plank I was balancing on- at ground level. It was in a safe place.

I have had the privilege of learning about the lives of lots of people. And about my own life.

Sometimes now, this happened outside of the rooms, too... ...these days I am attracted to the company of people who have empathy too.

Rather than to the really needy, who still have unmet needs.

The rich deep rewards of recovery... thanks. smile ...



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  



Senior Member

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Posts: 139
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(((David))) great share. Im so happy for you that you are hearing more. I watched my dad experience that same joy. I relate to your toing and froing. Your share made me want to hug the little boy in your memory. It sounds like youve worked the program so well youre able to hug him yourself. Great story of progress.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2940
Date:

 

     

                                



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  

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