The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I caught myself. I caught myself being "irritable and unreasonable without knowing it". A few years ago my sponsor and I discussed how I know when my life is unmanageable. at that point I identified it's when I am not taking care of myself. Then I added recently when I find myself getting irritated. My common theme is do so much for everyone until there is nothing left and then get agitated if one more person asks me one more thing...... That's my sign that I need to pull back. Ideally I can catch it earlier than that but if I get to that point I know it's time to take a break or say no.
Last night I had some great self awareness. My AH had just come back from a business trip and had needed my help my kid had a rough week at school and had needed me. I had missed my usual workout routine because of my AHs trip and things had piled up a bit at home without the extra help from my AH and I was trying too hard to fix it all. Last night I was doing laundry and my daughter and my mom were supposed to be doing a project in the garden on their own and my daughter yelled down the stairs "mom mom.....MOM WE NEED YOUR HELP". I won't lie I got snippy. I went on a bit of a lecture "I'm trying to do the laundry and I can't help you right now why can't you guys do it yourself blah blah blah". She got the point and went away. I sat down and took a break. I stopped what I was doing and took a moment to myself. Because I had already reached my boiling point and I could feel myself getting angry. This is a big improvement because I would have ignored this in the past and let it boil over and lost it eventually. Once I had a moment I decided to go see what they needed. It wasn't much at all and I did it and enjoyed watching them complete their little project. They had grown the biggest sunflowers I have ever seen and so I took a picture of them in front of them. The picture was so great because they were hugging each other and you can see the love between them. We had fun out there. And the laundry waited. And it's still waiting. And if I had been too focused on the wrong things I would have missed this moment completely. Instead I decided to let go and just enjoy the moment. How important is it? would be the slogan I used. I am so grateful for this program and how it keeps bringing me back to what's most important. My inner peace, my loving relationships, my joy.
Great share KT and I suspect the photo is absolutely awesome! I readily admit that it is the 'adult chores' - cleaning, laundry, etc. that more often than not pull me from the present into a 'gotta get done' mode...It is amazing that it does all wait for us and really isn't that important in comparison to real life and being present! (((Hugs))) - thanks for sharing!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Getting irritable is a red flag for me these days. When I lived with the now ex A I drowned in the resentment. Nevertheless I have to say there are certain people I can live without being around
I.found out today that I no longer will have to deal with one person I was having a real problem with. That is a relief. I can let go of that resentment now. Lettimg go us another one of those skills that takes practice. I made nursing resentments inti.a fine art most of my life.
I have a lot of limits these days. Far more than I.have ever had before. When the housework slips everything else seems to take a nose dive. So I am.working on structure what is it and how can zi.build an effective one
You have some great catches on your triggers. I know I.can still swing low into full blown trigger and there are certain people who are my trigger magnets.
Great work!!!
Maresie
Great self-awareness there. I always love when people share those ah-ha moments because it shows me that we're not cursed to stay on auto-pilot our whole lives... being irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.
When you DO see what's going on, that's where you get to start making some choices, and I love the decision you made to let the laundry wait and go enjoy the sunflowers with your loved ones.
What a great share, KT!! Thank you for allowing us to see your growth in action!
You Paused to check in with yourself, see what it was you needed... you recognized what was going on (kudos!)and then you CHOSE to accept (that you couldn't do it all) and then act a different way. Your reward? The beautiful moment you got to witness with your mother and your daughter... simply priceless!
Your words painted a beautiful picture that I could see and almost feel! TY!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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