The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 9/16, looks at how our negative thinking, and expected poor outcomes, may not necessarily come true. In fact, a very persistent feeling is just a feeling, not a prophecy. The author says that a positive outcome is just as likely as a negative one. The author suggests we trust that a Higher Power can use situations for our good and growth. All we have to do is turn it over.
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I try very hard to follow these suggestions, but truthfully once in awhile I can get triggered and temporarily lose my footing. I forget about the Serenity Prayer and turning it over and other very important and helpful tools. Fortunately my program does kick in much sooner that it used to, and I can remember Step 1 along with Let Go and Let God. Just like they say, it works if you work it, Lyne
If I were to take a giant step back from myself, I would see just how ridiculous my negative thinking can be. Oh the drama of how many ways I'm going to get crushed... and not only once, but several times over and then the multitude of mental replays .... why do I torture myself so!?!? In my minds eye, I allow myself and the situation to morph into extreme awfulness. ...maybe I do this in a twisted attempt to control?
Thank heavens, working my program doesn't let me swan-dive in the downward spiral as I have done prior to Alanon. I recognize when my feet are pointing towards the edge of the precipice and I can stop before I "punish" myself. I now know that punishing myself will still not allow me to control a situation.
When things go awry in my life, as they often do, I have skills and support to work things through with healthier choices.
Thanks for this positive reminder Lyne Thinking negatively was the outcome of living with the disease --using alanon tools such as prayer, the Steps and slogans I soon found that my attitude had changed to one filled with hope and the grand posivility of thr future as long as I I kept showing up
Thanks for your service
Thank you Lyne for the topic of the day. I really like everyone's honest shares!
So on my journey to find myself, this is one area where I have proof that my thinking is a learned, perhaps conditioned response from my father. How do I know? He was/is the very same way! He grew up with an alcoholic mother, a broken home w/much turmoil. A mean step-mother sealed the deal for him to join the Navy way before you were legally able to. I never knew any of this until much later in my adult years - in fact, I believe it was revealed as I went through the ordeal w/my spouse's drug usage and first rehab.So I am thinking, as a coping mechanism he began to think the worst... he has even told me, "If I think the worst, then when it happens I won't be taken by surprise.
I would ask, "But what if the worst never happens?"
"Then I will be pleasantly surprised!" said my dad. A win-win in his book.
While that may be a true statement, I have found that way of thinking just breeds negative thinking, and it keeps you stuck in negative thinking. I used to do the very. same. thing! MY problem with using this "technique," was that I always had hope and opportunism deep in my heart. I never truly believed that the worst would happen, so when it did, I was STILL blindsided! So I got both the negative thinking AND the shock from the negative consequence! ACK!!
Of course, now I know better, I try and DO BETTER! Doesn't always work, LOL! But I am doing better at keeping the negative thinking at bay, and for that I am grateful!
Enjoy the Monday everyone!
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-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Monday 16th of September 2019 09:20:24 AM
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Lyne and for all who shared. I can relate to all the responses. I was raised in a very negative, doomsday environment and it is extremely difficult to unlearn that though pattern. I am much more able to step back after a few knee-jerk reactions and look at a situation as objectively as possible. The Serenity Prayer, a quick prayer of my own to get my thoughts rational and try to find the silver lining.
As Betty stated, Steps and slogans are so important for my attitude.
Happy Monday all.....it's a beautiful day in western NY. Go Bills!
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks also to all who shared ESH! I do believe my negative attitude (which I denied and suggested I was a realist vs. a pessimist) and related projections started in childhood as a byproduct of the disease. Both my grand-fathers were untreated alcoholics, and my parents passed on what they learned - perfection is the goal, anything less is not acceptable, secrets are good, life's hard and certainly not fair, childhood is for fun, adulting is all about work, work, work....Exhausting!
I too lean into all the tools in recovery to adjust my attitude and outlook daily. I am one who wakes up and tries hard to remember that just for today, I am enjoying/living in the present. The past does not define me and the future isn't here, so why get excited/worried about it...it works well for me to just start my day with a reminder that I am a successful imperfect person in recovery doing the best I can to be of service, stay serene, sane and sober! (Not necessarily in that order!)
I really try to live my life today with gratitude for what is vs. obsessing about what isn't. I too can slip and my mind will try to go back to the comfort zone of negativity of so many, many years yet the tools can bring me back to the here/now. Happy Monday all - it's a hot, hot, hot day here in the Mid-West! We're having some extended summer days this week - grateful for early tee times!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
MY problem with using this "technique," was that I always had hope and opportunism 
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