The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in C2C is about working the 4th step. Step 4 is making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.
The author shares that throughout their step 4 work, they experienced a nagging feeling that they were not doing the 4th step right. With the help of their HP, the author realized that the problem wasn't that they were doing the 4th step wrong, but that they felt that they were inadequate about their whole life. No matter what it is that the author is doing, they feel as though their efforts are inadequate.
The awareness the author developed through step 4 puts their self-doubt in perspective. The author realizes that their self-doubt is the impact of living with problem drinkers for so many years. Now, when these feelings of inadequacy come up, the author recognizes it, shares about it, accepts that they are feeling it, and sets it aside. The author no longer assumes that their feelings of inadequacy have any validity.
Today's Reminder: Step Four offers me a chance to find some balance. It helps me to identify the things I've been telling myself about myself, and to learn whether or not these things are true. Today I will take one of my assumptions about myself and hold it up to the light. I may find that it stems from habit rather than reality.
Today's Quote: "Let me realize...that self-doubt and self-hate are defect of character that hinder my growth." The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
------------------------------------
Today's reading is a great one for me. Like the author, I realized that my feelings of never being good enough stem from coping with the disease of alcoholism. These feelings were modeled to me when I was young - my dad is the adult child of an alcoholic and he is very hard on himself when things don't go as planned. (By things I mean projects and repairs, mostly.) I had done a lot of self-work and therapy as a young adult and thought these feelings were dismissed, but they came crashing back in while living with and being married to an active alcoholic. Now, I make it a point to be aware of these feelings when I feel them, and to let myself feel them, but not believe them. I am doing fine. Better than fine, actually. And the feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy I frequently have are just feelings. They are not facts, and I don't need to act as though they are truth.
9/11 in the USA is a difficult day for many. On this day each year, I'm torn between shared memories of the day and personal memories of the day. 9/11/2001, my first life partner began chemotherapy treatment, had an allergic reaction to the treatment, and was violently ill all day. We stopped treatment 4 months later, and she passed away the following month. So, while many Americans remember the day for the Twin Towers and the national crisis, I also remember it as the beginning of the end of her life. I'm thankful to the AlAnon program for ALSO giving me the tools to acknowledge and release the grief I feel today.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
{{{Skorpi}}}. Yes, this sounds like a very difficult day for you along with the sorrow of our country. Sorry....
As I did all the steps , I learned from my sponsor that it was not only important to see my defects of character, but to see my assets as well. I was great at seeing the defects, but I was horrible at seeing my assets! I only saw my fear, lack of confidence, never feeling good enough, etc. The steps have been an important part of my healing process. Thank you for your service, Lyne
(((Skorpi))) - thank you for your service to MIP and the daily. I am sorry to hear of the 9/11 personal anniversary, and appreciate your share about that. Today is a difficult day for most/many, and I have a nephew with today as his birthday. He was turning 7, and that tragic day for the US scars his birthday each year. We golfed this morning, and the flags on every other hole were American Flags. Each green had a stand available so the flags would not be laid on the ground, but either held or put into the stand. This is indeed a day of sadness for me, simply because the loss of life, the test of humanity and the extremeness of that day haunts me.
I love the quote from today's reading. As one who grew up with 2 parents who were untreated ACoA, I only knew striving for perfection, and lectures galore when it was never attained. Today, I am grateful for accepting me as an imperfect person who does the best I know, one day at a time. Al-Anon recovery, through hard work, step work and trusting in a good sponsor has brought me to a calm, comfortable to be me place that I did not know even existed.
I am grateful for the continuing guidance from others to keep working on me, keeping focusing on me and keeping changing me. I was one who held tight and long to the perception I was NOT the problem, others were! This Step really helped me identify characteristics of me that were unhealthy for me. Negative self talk and self perceptions are counter to what the God of my understanding wants for me - to be happy, healthy and whole.
Peaceful prayers for all today. I will never forget... (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
