The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 9/9, focuses on the difficulty the author sometimes had asking for help. They could have difficulty speaking in a meeting. They froze, and were afraid of the unknown consequences of speaking their pain. The author realized though that HP could speak through others, and they could feel safer and not alone. And even sometimes they are given the words to speak that might help someone else.
The quote from the Navajo: As I walk, as I walk, the universe is walking with me.
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For me, once I got the courage to attend F2F meetings, I make it a point to try and share every time. Whether I have just one minute at the end of the meeting, it still feels like a relief to say what is on my mind, and it is always uplifting listening to others. For many years of my life I was afraid to speak, afraid of being ridiculed, and rejected on top of everything else. Now with program, I have learned that what I have to say is as important as what everyone else wants to say. No one laughs at me, and no one rejects me. Its a beautiful experience, Lyne
I do not share every time though... sometimes I am too emotional and not ready to share that - despite knowing how accepting/loving everyone is. Those are the meetings in which I intently listen to others... many times I find the "answers" I need! Amazing! LOL!
Back to the regular work week for me... thanking my HP for the wonderful job and opportunities in my life!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I grew up as an extreme do-it-myselfer borne out of survival.
For years, I hadn't shared at meetings for fear of unfounded rejection.
Today, I practice asking for help as much as I can, knowing it is part of practicing healthy self-care.
In my mind's eye, sharing at meetings as equal weight with listening. I do share more and more frequently. I hear myself actually asking myself "Bud, do you have something to share?" To my surprise, many times I do.
It took me a few meetings before I spoke and then I just wanted all the answers on all the questions I had to fix my A. I wanted help! I wanted someone to give me the formula on what to say or do to make the horrible disease just go away.
Growing up, I was so fearful of everything that I was happy to ask for help. I didn't want to face whatever it was I needed to face and again, I wanted someone to take care of it so I wouldn't have to. Today, I know that the only way to get over fear is to face it, acknowledge that it scares me and then through the situation. I can ask for guidance through my HP, I can accept help if it feels right, I can ask if it feels right.
I am so grateful to Alanon ..to know I am not alone....there is support and understanding whatever needs to be faced.
Thank you for your service! It took me a little while to speak at meetings. I didn't think I had anything to share. I felt self conscious or worried that my share wouldn't be on topic. What I found was no matter what I said...sharing it helped me feel a lot better. There was something about speaking up that helped me. And others approached me afterwards and thanked me for sharing. It truly is service to participate in a meeting. I still get a little fearful when I am going to share in a meeting but that is when I know I really should share. I never regret sharing in a meeting.
Recently someone new has come to my meeting who is in a similar situation to me. I have been in contact more with her and I can truly relate to how angry and frustrated she is. I remember feeling that way and I am so glad I am not in that place as much anymore. I am so thankful for the tools Al Anon has given me.
Lovely shares, Lyne and y'all. Often mentioned by members- I felt that in my family I was walking on broken glass- that nothing I did was going to be right. [And I realise now that perfectionism was a part of the disease.]
But in the rooms, I became the same way- and i noticed others were the same- scared to put a foot wrong. I recall memorising all the conference approved slogans- in case I happened to mention the wrong ones!
Then I realised again- that our daily readers had quotes from all over the place. And it was okay to mention these. There is a Navajo quote in today's reading. even if we got something wrong sometimes- we had to right o be wrong. We did not have to be perfect 24/7.
At my F2F meeting last night someone mentioned the word levity. A lovely word- I like it a lot. It recalled the slogan: "How important is it?"
If it is trend- and if it is stirring us away from our main purpose... okay we can talk with a friend in the group- or a sponsor- and start to get things into perspective. This is stuff that may not have actually happened in our home- so baby steps are a good start.
Healthy emotions begin to surface. What are these? we might ask... ...
Happy Monday MIP! I thank you Lyne for the daily, your service and your share/ESH. I thank all above me for the ESH & shares too. I also was raised in the middle of this family disease, so perfection was expected and never attained. I reached adult age feeling like I was not good enough, smart enough, etc. I did not cave - instead, I rebelled and tried to perfect that too!
By the time I got to recovery, I trusted nobody for anything. I had previously surrounded myself with unhealthy people, and expected way too much so they let me down too. I really felt very isolated, lonely, alone and had some high walls built up. It took me a while in recovery and in meetings to accept what I was hearing and seeing was real. Real lives, experiences, recovery and miracles. Believing what I was seeing/hearing gave me just enough hope for my own growth/recovery that I began to listen and then share.
I am grateful for recovery. There are still life events that my first thought is to 'go it alone'.....however, as progress happens, an immediate thought tells me that's not healthy and I should call my sponsor or another in recovery. I can more easily today recall that I don't have all the answers, I don't have to go it alone, nor stew on it before I take action. Sharing my concerns and asking for help from another is action -- forward action that I need and want.
I hope all are having a joyful day! I golfed this morning and have tacos shortly. We have the return of some summer temperatures - it's hot outside!!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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