The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for today discusses how we could not have known what was happening. Denial is a major symptom of this disease, and one possibility is to just blame the A. We invent ways to survive the constant crises, broken promises, lost hopes, and embarrassments. Sometimes we deny the unpleasant, terrifying reality.
Alanon gives us productive ways to prevent so much loss of self. We go beyond survival and begin to live again.
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This is my story for sure. For years I came to this board very sporadically and thought I could cure my A. I didnt see how sick I had become and I knew if I could just get my A to stop drinking, all would be fine. How wrong I was.
First of all I could not fix my A. Secondly, I really needed help but couldnt see it. After years of desperate failing attempts on my own, I found a sponsor from MIP and went to my first F2F meeting. Its not a fairy tale, but my life is SO much better-calmer, happy much of the time, focused on myself as much as humanly possible, and I will continue with program because it keeps me balanced. I honestly prefer serenity over crises. LOL, Lyne
Lyne - thanks for your service and the daily. It was far easier for me to continue my unhealthy habits of placing blame and shame beyond myself as my denial of my own contribution and level of insanity was strong. I was not a happy camper when it was suggested to me that my 'ways' were unhealthy, harmful to self and others and that I needed to focus and fix me!! My ego continued to tell me I was not the problem, others were!
I too had to hit my bottom in order to find the necessary pain and humility to focus on me, change me and be a different version of me. I am grateful who I am today is way healthier than before and that I can accept and love unconditionally which helps me stay close to my center. I too prefer serenity over chaos/crisis mode and will do what I need to today to stay on that side of the room!
Happy Monday all - got rained on at the golf course this morning so home earlier than planned! Make it a great day - I am excited that I get a nap before my taco gal group gathers! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
