The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I did my practice of reading the pages of the day and taking my time with it rather than just scan and run. As I have often been I am impressed with this tool of recovery in my life!! I have often felt that we have an army of gifted mentally and spiritually endowed family members right at my elbow to re-enforce and strengthen my attitudes and understanding about recovery; becoming better than.
This morning I caused to think what I thought and felt when I first arrived in the family groups, "I will never get it. " I will never rise to amount of understanding I need to find the peace of mind and understanding necessary to stay beyond the arms lengths necessary to be away from and out of trouble because of the insanities I lived with."
Truth be told? I agree and find true that I am a miracle in progress as is this family and the feelings of gratitude are evidence of our recovery and health. Mahalo Akua and MIP ((((hugs))))
For me, when I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon, I was full of arrogance and inflated self-worth, in that..... my life was definitely unmanageable, and I had NO idea how to fix it (or my AW), but I was also smarter & craftier than the average bear (or so I thought, lol), so I spent many months attending meetings, and (quietly, to myself) "solving" everyone else in the room's problems! Tough thing was - I wasn't getting any better, and the chaos was increasing at home!
Luckily for me, I had a very wise old sponsor, who challenged me - bluntly and often - and he called me out on this 'control' issue. I still remember his words:
"Tom, what you are doing is trying to control the meetings, and control an uncontrollable situation. By doing what you are doing, you are focusing your attention externally (which is not doing your group one iota of good), AND you are knee deep in denial, as by focusing on THEM, you are not able to focus on the one person who you CAN control and influence - YOU!"
Well, I, uh.... how dare he..... how can he say..... oh wait, he was 100% right.
I started getting better - truly better - when I humbled myself, and started attending meetings with an open mind - open to learning from each and every person at the table (this became very easy, but was very difficult at first). Open to new concepts and ideas, as it was clear to me that I could no longer "keep doing what I was doing", as it was not working - for me, nor for my ex-AW. Accept that I need help - not the easiest thing for any of us to accept, and perhaps even more so for pompous, egotistical man who thought he had all the answers (but clearly did not).
Today, I am in a much better place, including my humility. I come to MIP with an open mind and heart, knowing full well that - IF I allow it - I will learn something from each and every one of you. There is actually a "comfort" in not needing to know all the answers right this moment, and that we are all truly "miracles in progress".
Grateful for you, JerryF, as you have been one of my true mentors on this board.
Grateful also to be "smarter than I was yesterday, and not as smart as I will be tomorrow"
Hugs
Tom
-- Edited by canadianguy on Friday 23rd of August 2019 10:46:40 AM
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I had been focused on all of my tomorrows as I dragged the heavy weight of the past forward. I was so determined! Looking back... what was I even doing!? I couldn't manage the past or the future... and even if I could, it would not have an impact on the present.
It took a long time to start to get it. I was moving at a high speed going nowhere but you couldn't tell me that and I wouldn't let anything, like Alanon, slow me down...
I returned when I realized things were not getting better I was not getting better and I had no other place to go.
I'm so grateful for our MIP family and the support to take steps to live a better today.
