The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello, I am new to this forum. I am at a loss. I have an adult daughter who drinks nearly daily and doesnt stop until she passes out every time. This has been going on for years and the past year she physically gets sick from drinking, but that doesnt make her stop. Ive helped her financially, emotionally, medically, and every way you can think of. Her father is an alcoholic and has been to rehab once, post divorce from me, which a whole big issue for our family. Her older sister has checked out and doesnt speak to any of us. I guess Im here to figure out how to help her and how to help myself. This is eating me up. Im the only person she can count on and I cant give any ultimatums. Thats a brief overview of my situation. If theres anybody that has gone through this with their adult child, Id appreciate input and stories.
Welcome to MIP Irene - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I encourage you to consider helping yourself as Alcoholism is a family disease and family/friends are often much more affected than they realize. A great start is to seek out Al-Anon meetings locally and attend a few to get a feel for what recovery is all about.
I heard early on the three C(s) - I didn't Cause this (in my children), I can't Cure this (in my children) and I can't Control this/them. Instead of putting all of my waking energy and thoughts on getting them well/healthy/sober, I had to focus on returning myself to sanity and saving my own life. You can click through my name to understand more about my story. This disease is powerful, progressive and baffling - too much for most to handle alone.
Keep coming back - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Aloha Irene and welcome to the family. Find a comfortable chair and read, read, read. We have all been thru and are going thru what you are doing now also. This is THE DISEASE of all DISEASES. IT AFFECTS EVERYONE IT COMES INTO CONTACT WITH AND CAN NEVER BE CURED; ONLY ARRESTED BY TOTAL ABSTINENCE. IT IS A FATAL DISEASE THAT IF NOT ARRESTED WILL END IN DEATH. This is only part of the description of our disease there is much to learn, know and practice and you are in the right place to do that.
I was born and raised in the disease of addiction and didn't find Al-Anon until 1979 and then didn't accept the Experiences, Strengths and Hopes of the fellowship for awhile after. I didn't know how to say or spell the disease so I was pretty well cooked and crazy until I followed up on the suggestions of the program.
I encourage you to do the same...Learn where the meeting are at and what times and go, go, go. We had a meeting suggestion for newbies when I was a newbie which I took action on after getting serious about not dying insane. It was "get to 90 meeting in 90 days" and I understood the formula of 90/90 as the best time in convincing a person of the need and necessity. I did 102 in 90 days and the stubbornness disappeared. I was convinced and followed up on the other suggestions as getting Al-Anon literature and read it daily, find an appropriate sponsor and use their phone numbers like you use the others. Learn and practice the steps and tradition of the program on a daily basis and DO SERVICE to your HOME GROUP and others.
It felt daunting at first until I learned and accepted that ours is a "One Day....at a time....Program" When I got into the ODAT (One Day At a Time) mode I learned to live this and more just as I do now 41 years later.
I can always do the insanity of the disease easily. I know how, I was born to it however I love my life today in spite of the others in my family continuing with the insanity. I help them out a lot by staying away from their problems they cannot and will not seek help with from others they are willing to use.
Keep coming back. The door will always be open to and for you. My eldest son is alcoholic/addict. The family is pretty much in shards including the attachment with me his Dad and Step Mother; both Al-Anon members in recovery. We work it because it works and God walks it with us. In support. ((((hugs))))
Hi Irene.... welcome to MIP, this is a good place.... The 10,000 foot level "program of recovery" is pretty consistent, whether the A is a spouse, child, parent, friend, and/or whether they are addicted to alcohol, drugs, or other things....
1. Get yourself healthy and knowledgeable - don't let the insanity of the A's behaviors drag you fully down with them
2. Wherever possible, find solutions that allow the A to bear the consequences their choices and behaviors
3. Repeat Number 1 and 2 above.
Not trying to be flippant at all - I fully believe in it. Post here, get yourself to F2F Al-Anon meetings, read great books on the subject (Getting Your Children Sober, written by Toby Rice Drews - would be a great start), but most of all - take care of YOU, and don't get swallowed up in the insanity. Do something nice for yourself, each and every day - whether it is as simple as a bubble bath, walk, or reading a (non-recovery) book - whatever appeals to you.
Hugs, and keep coming back Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
