The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning all!
I have chosen to embark on a pathway to positivity. Choosing not to dwell on the past, not to always look at the half empty glass, but to focus on the positives and keep looking up.
At the same time, to allow myself to remain positive, boundaries and good people around me are so very necessary.
This morning has revealed to me some of my lingering sensitivities.
One of those sensitivities is about taking personal responsibility for one's own life. Because I have had many challenges in life, and worked to overcome them, because I have always been determined to improve my life and the lives of those I love, I sometimes have a very low threshold for tolerance for people I judge as choosing to stay stuck. I additionally have an expectation of treatment that is respectful and loving. I give out that healing energy, I expect people to then start loving themselves and not to make me their personal dumping ground. I have been assisting a loved one to clean house metaphorically. I removed all tangible obstacles to progress with financial and emotional support. Today I felt the return for my investment was a request to come and sit back down in the mud with this person. I could have said no. I had made a small request, akin to asking someone to pass the salt. Very easy request. Please can I have xyz as I am going this way today so I might as well drop that off too. The response was sulky and sullen as if I had asked this person to move a mountain. With their bare hands. I lost my shit. I really did. It devolved into a yelling match. I am not proud of it but I guess I am posting it here so that I can let it go, not stay stuck in it and not allow it to ruin my day. I am human. I sometimes lose my cool. I do not have to and will not stay stuck in lingering negative feelings because of that. Thank you for being here.
Gurl as the saying goes .. sh$# actually happens. Glad you are here and I get to share the program and program work with you. I have kicked my program to the curb which actually winds up allowing me to look and figure out what is and isn't working. So welcome back and keep coming back .. a peaceful life is worth it. :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Mwah! Thanks we did calm down, sit and talk and apologise for what was ours individually. Turns out we are both tired. Progress not perfection, hey? I know negativity does not work for me. Not saying I close my eyes to all the "bad" stuff, but I've looked at ways that I invite it in. Rent free in my head was how a former sponsor put it ( lord she was a patient, patient woman!!). No ticket at the gates of my ears I'd add! Lol.
This reminds me of the little saying about expectations... they're breeding grounds for resentments.
I know the more I'm willing to drop all expectations the better off I can be. I can fall into that trap, too... of "look how much I've done for you, why can't you reciprocate... I'm not asking for much..."
I'm powerless over other people and when I fall into the trap of expectations, it means some part of me feels I have some kind of power over this person, and when they don't toe the line, that unmanageability can come out of me big time and in ugly ways.
I agree, too - that sh!t just happens. I see great recovery in your post because you recognized what was going on with you, you're practicing acceptance around your humanness, and being open and honest about it and making amends.
Thank you for your post of honesty and working your program! I too, decided that I want to lay down the mantle of always looking at things with the glass half-full! It is a daily practice!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
(((a4l))) - I absolutely love hearing/learning about the 'human experience'. For so, so long, when I 'bit' another, I would beat me up, feel badly, think I was a failure, etc. That's so not healthy for me! I love that our program does stress progress, not perfection. I love that our program suggests we focus on gratitude for a better attitude instead of what's broken. I love that our program suggests we be service-driven in helping carry the message and not the person. Mostly, I love that recovery has given me unconditional love and unconditional acceptance for self that I am perfectly imperfect!
I send you tons of positive energy and prayers - I too choose to live my life with as much positive energy, effort, attitude and outlook as I can find one day at a time. I am human and what Serenity said - S$^%$ happens! What is amazing about your share is you were able to reconnect, talk it out, own your stuff and move forward. THIS TO ME is what recovery is - being/doing/responding in a healthier way that before! Great share and topic - (((Hugs))).
As a side note, you know I like my Joel Osteen sermons - these for me are a great source of positive energy/contemplation beyond our program!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I love this post because I can so relate. Before Al Anon I lost my S&*t on a regular basis and then felt guilty about it and over compensating by people pleasing and putting up with all kinds of unacceptable behaviour until it again boiled over. Al Anon has taught me that I'm not perfect and that I can start my day over any moment of every day. The outbursts are a whole lot fewer and far between but I am still capable of them and they remind me of how far I have come when they actually occur.
HUGS
I don't get to visit often but came here because I needed encouragement. Thanks for this thread. My husband has raised the possibility of divorce and is indulging in "dry drunk" verbal tricks of sarcasm thinly veiled as humor, resentments over his unexpressed expectations that I don't meet, alternating with backhanded apologies and vows to work his 10th step and treat me better. My people pleasing tendencies, perfectionism and desire to "make myself better" then set themselves up as unrelenting analysis and anxiety and I'm back to step 1 quicker than gee whillikers.
I'm doing better about forgiving myself for lapsing back into the tendencies which make me anxious, sick and fearful that yet another husband is going to leave me because I'm not good enough. I'm so grateful for this program and permission to be imperfect.
Thanks again for the thread and letting me share here.
A huge thank you to this topic and the shares. Some parts of the day are suck in the crazy; while other parts I can keep the focus on myself. If I continue to dwell on words said to me through sick eyes, my anxiety will continue to mount. I know the words are not true and it's not mine to determine if the author of the words thinks they are true or not. So bizarre... baffling...
....I am grateful and can count many blessings.
A huge thank you to this topic and the shares. Some parts of the day are suck in the crazy; while other parts I can keep the focus on myself. If I continue to dwell on words said to me through sick eyes, my anxiety will continue to mount. I know the words are not true and it's not mine to determine if the author of the words thinks they are true or not. So bizarre... baffling... ....I am grateful and can count many blessings.
we did calm down, sit and talk and apologise for what was ours individually. Turns out we are both tired. Progress not perfection, hey? I know negativity does not work for me. Not saying I close my eyes to all the "bad" stuff, but I've looked at ways that I invite it in. Rent free in my head was how a former sponsor put it ( lord she was a patient, patient woman!!). No ticket at the gates of my ears I'd add! Lol.