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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change July 31


~*Service Worker*~

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Courage to Change July 31


Hello MIP!

I today's reading in Courage to Change the author speaks about a source of friction that had always existed between the author and their alcoholic loved one: housekeeping. The author shares that they are usually so overwhelmed by all the things that need to be done, that they cannot get organized. Then, when the alcoholic drinks, he rages about whatever needs dusting, scrubbing, or picking up. 

When cleaning up the kitchen after a big breakfast, the author noticed that there was a spill in the fridge. They moved everything off the shelf, cleaned up the spill, and returned things to their place. The author considered that maybe this was the way to clean the house: do one small task at a time, and eventually, something will be accomplished. The author shares that this is the moment when they understood the slogan "One Day at a Time" - When the author takes things one day, one moment, one task at a time and really concentrates on it, a lot more gets done. 

Today's reminder: When I catch myself being overwhelmed, or not being able to get anything done because there is so much to do that I don't know where to start, I'll stop for a moment and remind myself to take it one step, one task, one day at a time. 

Today's quote: "Remembering that we can only live one day at a time removes the burdens of the past, keeps out attention on the present, and keeps us from fearing the future." This is Al-Anon

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Today's reading really caught my attention in the first sentence. Housekeeping is also a source of friction between me and my AW. Even though she is in recovery right now, and not drinking, and no longer rages about the state of the house, I frequently feel overwhelmed by the work it takes to keep up with the household chores. A special task of contention continues to be litter box cleaning. 

Like the author, I find myself taking housekeeping one task at a time. If I try to make things a little better, eventually, they will be in good shape. I found a housekeeping process online that works for me, and printed out and laminated cleaning sheets for each day, each week, each month, and each season. That way, when I don't know what task to take on next, I find the next task on the sheets that needs doing. I don't have to remember what I did and what still needs to be done. I don't have to talk to my wife about what she did or did not do. We can each focus on what needs to be done, and check it off when it is done. 

I still sometimes feel overwhelmed or resentful that I am doing the vast majority of housekeeping tasks, but this system has worked very well for me, it has reduced friction and conflict around housekeeping, and it helps me to keep my focus on one task at a time. If I have 5 minutes, I can wipe down the counters in the kitchen or bathroom. Then, I can check that task off and feel the accomplishment that comes with making progress. 

Today's reading is also useful to me because I have a couple urgent things that I need to take care of, but I cannot take care of them before businesses open. I have a biopsy scheduled for tomorrow, and received a phone call to let me know that the referral has not yet arrived. My mom's wallet was stolen yesterday, and she had all my account info in her wallet. I need to close my accounts and open new ones, and pay day(with direct deposit) is tomorrow. But, I cannot call the banks and financial institutions until they open this morning. I do need to take things one task at a time, and focus on taking care of one small thing at a time. Eventually, everything will be sorted out.  



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Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu



~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you Skorpi for the daily and for your service. I also appreciate your share and ESH. In my home, I was the one who was uptight and concerned about the state of conditions. Left to their own, my AH and my A Sons would all live in a dusty, messy place. I had a different issue regarding today's reading - I desired clean/orderly and that was not a priority to them. I also had unrealistic expectations - thinking I could change them to be neater as well as expecting me to control/change/manage others.

What has happened is when I am bothered, I do what I can. It took a very simple thought to help me consider what my real priorities are - I will not be remembered by the condition of my home, the title of my job or the money in my bank account. Rather, I will be remembered by the character I show, the memories I make with others and what's in my heart. Needless to say, One Day, One Step, One Task, One Moment at a time became much more important to my life and my legacy.

So very sorry to hear about all that's piled up for you in short order. Sending thoughts and prayers for your biopsy Skorpi! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a productive day and peace of mind going into tomorrow. I am grateful today that my mind is healthier from practicing recovery, and my ability to prioritize what really matters is way better than before! (((Hugs))) - happy Hump Day MIP Family!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Veteran Member

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Thanks Skorpi. The C to C speaks to my problem especially in a crisis and even every day if I start thinking about my troubles. I call it my spaghetti head and it takes me much effort to shake it off. One day at a time and one step at a time really helps me also. I feel a real sense of accomplishment when a task is done instead of doing a bunch of things and not really getting anything completed. I tend to do that when my mind is in a turmoil or I resent someone else's behavior and its effect on me.Thank you for your share. I hope things work out for you. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate in the next few days.

My son seems to be on a good path right now but I council myself to take a breath and not get caught up in his actions because it is quite a roller coaster ride when someone you love is not living a healthy life and the cracks begin to show again after a relative time of peace. Now know I have to create that peace for myself and keeping a healthy pattern in my tasks is one job I can accomplish and helps rest my mind. I hope the best for you.

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bud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2071
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Thank you for your service Skorpi. I've been in moment to moment mode for longer than I'd like, but thank heavens for it because it helps me get through the day and on to the next. Breaking things down and remembering to keep it simple helps keep my racing mind in check and not fall down the rabbit hole of made-up stories that don't serve me well.

This friction also speaks to the turmoil in my head... when people say things that don't make sense or their actions and words are incongruent. I've been on the receiving end of this a lot this past month, especially from those I least had expected it. While I feel like I'm a common denominator (and I take responsibility for my part) I find that this time, it could easily be that mercury in retrograde is simply a meteor storm of incongruities.

I'm grateful for my MIP family, I'm grateful for work, I'm grateful to inhale, I'm grateful for my HP and the program that allows me to enjoy what is in front of me one second at at time.

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El


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 628
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Thank you Skorpi for today's reading.  I hope that all the mishaps have been dealt with and so sorry you had to experience them.  Having had numerous biopsies over the years, I know it brings its own amount of stress without all the other stuff, too.

I was always a list maker and will still make them most often.  The good news is now I don't feel I have to tackle all or most on the list.  If I get one thing crossed off, I am grateful and know I will get to the rest eventually. In the past, that would have driven me crazy!

I find that more and more of the household chores and maintenance haven fallen to me in the last year or so and I need to be extra gentle with myself because I am taking on extra!  I love to be productive, but if I feel good about one or two things each day, I call that a success!  If hubby helps out, it's a bonus....but I am learning to not expect it.

Although this doesn't totally relate, I was proud of a boundary I set for myself because I AM doing more of what AH used to do.  For example, as his strength and agility has diminished, I find I am doing more of the lugging, shifting, moving, lifting, fixing than I ever did.  I set up our enclosed porch and moved deck furniture myself.  I wanted to buy an outdoor rocking chair and I was going to be satisfied with a simple padded, fold up rocking chair.  Simple, easy, light.  Hubby had his eye on the large wooden rockers and although it was tempting because who doesn't like a nice big rocker.....I knew I would be the one to move it indoors....wrestle it through doorways, find a spot.  Nope!  I stated in a matter of fact way that as I have been taking on more of the "grunt" work.....I would regret getting one of those heavy suckers.  I said from here on out we were keeping it simple and efficient!  Hubby didn't say anymore on it because he knows it is true.....he isn't able to help or DO as he once did. So, tackling chores one at a time or a boundary at a time to keep the resentments and arguments down is the way to go!

Happy Wednesday.  Off to an outdoor concert tonight for an Eagles tribute band.  Food trucks....yay!  :)

Ellen



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